Choices
by madreag
Summary: My entry into the "Summer 2014 Ficathon." Based on 6X5, Katherine Beckett is a US Senator, as predicted by Simon Doyle. She lives between New York and Washington DC, Richard Castle and their three children have remained in New York City. As before, DC brings new and greater challenges. A story of angst. The unanswered question is, can they survive?
1. Chapter 1

_**CHOICES**_

**Prologue **

It was hot, but it didn't matter, they had a chance to play, it was the best part of the day. They lined up ready for the choosing and a quick game of soccer. The teams were picked quickly, the good players were called out, and then the rest. Everyone ended up on a team, but for the late picks, it was always the same. The old lesson, taught again and again, never forgotten. It was about who they were, and what they were worth. It was something they'd have to learn to live with.

The scene is played out daily in school yards, gyms and vacant fields. Everyone wants to be picked, it affirms what others think about them. It tells them about their skills and how they measure up. Later in life the choosing is done by promotions, friendships, marriages, clubs and even elections.

But the reclusive heart of Katherine Beckett-Castle did not long to be chosen. She didn't need the assurances of what others thought about her. There were other, more powerful drivers in her heart, some she understood and some remained a mystery, hidden even from her. Yet she found herself affirmed and chosen as one of the members of the most elite club in the world, the United States Senate.

Her husband, Richard Castle, had delighted in her latest promotion. His literally danced with glee over Kate's new position. He roamed the house, mumbling and practicing over and over, "Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present, the Honorable Senator Katherine Beckett." Yes she was now a member of that exclusive club with only 100 members. If she had doubts, he had none. For he considered her in a league all of her own.

As he thought about this new adventure, he recalled his first meeting with the young and beautiful Detective Beckett. He had just told his daughter he wanted something different, something new and unpredictable. Little did he know he was only seconds away from an encounter that would forever change his life. And then it came, the tap on his shoulder and the words, "Mr. Castle, I'm Detective Beckett, I have a few questions."

His life as he knew it ended with those words. Not instantaneously, but everything shifted. Not only had Derrick Storm been killed off, the old Richard Castle had just been mortally wounded, smitten by the young detective. His heart was only days from realizing that it had been stolen, and that he would be her "willing victim," as the old song went.

But now, after all they had been through. After watching her make so many difficult and at time impossible choices, he still expected bigger things for her. Even bigger than the Senate.

Richard Castle was not philosophical, poetic maybe. He was not religious, but things had changed for him and he believed his wife was more than extraordinary. Yes he was a writer of some fame, but his partnership with her connected him to a force and purpose that flowed like a wake before this incredible woman. He loved being with her and was still in awe at her depth of character and purpose.

He has decided on a shift in the focus of his writing, not abandoning fiction, but expanding into some new waters. He researched in areas he had ignored before, went down some new avenues of thinking, considered different voices.

In their work with the NYPD he and Beckett had faced the worst of humanity. People who dispensed death for petty reasons. They followed both the evidence and the story. They were often led to dark hearts and weak motives, none justifying the taking of a life. He, like all parents, wanted a good world for his child , but even he, the great optimist was having doubts.

In reading more popular novels he had stumbled across an idea of a group of people who brought equilibrium to the world. These were not superheros, but serious minded people in the everyday course of living, but making a radical difference. Despite chaos and calamity, the destructive forces were held at bay by the integrity of this small band. These keepers held the world back from the brink of disaster, from extinction.

The story's origin was in the _Kabbalah,_ the book of Jewish mystical writings. It taught there are always thirty-six righteous people who keep the world from final destruction and judgment. The "thirty-sixers" do not know each other, they do not even know they are part of this special group. But their influence and power, by their unique conduct is transforming and regenerative.

Richard Castle believed, though not openly and for fear of what people would think, that his wife was part of this group. While there was no doubt the Senate was a significant position, she would always have an even greater role. He believed his wife was on of the lamidvavnick and that she moved, and breathed in atmosphere, maybe even dimension, different than the rest of the world. He marveled that he had come to such a conclusion, it sounded crazy when verbalized, but in his gut, it seemed right.

Without question, the most significant event and force for Katherine Beckett had been her Mothers death. It had shaped her and molded her like nothing else. Johanna Beckett's death was not only horrible, it was anachronistic and without justification. The years of investigation of the case and even its resolution had pushed Kate Beckett into a place few had ever ventured. She wanted answers, but she also wanted justice for her Mom. She wanted more than revenge, she needed to figure out the reasoning and the why. Her deep need to know, to solve the case had taken years, and over the course of time forged an alliance with the rule of law, with justice. She would not take the answers and dispense her own version of retribution on the perpetrators. They would be prosecuted in a system of laws, face a jury of peers and would pay for their actions. Any other way would make her just like them, and she would not become one of them.

Richard Castle had walked part of this journey with her, but his motivation was different. His goal was to solve the case and find the answers, but there was more. He was there to share her frustrations, the burden of investigating but also to help her bear the loss from which she never seemed free. Also to keep her safe and bring her back to the land of the living but in the end it was always, for his love of Kate.

While the world skipped to the beat of their own drums, Kate Beckett was forever changed by this decade of pursuit, that constant unrelenting need for resolution. The burden of this came at a great personal cost, it flowed into and over and everything she did. It influenced the way she cared for the victims of the crimes. The way she identified and shared their loss. Her empathy and drive for justice created an unspoken a alliance. Her attitude and work ethic, coupled with a reverence for the dead, called all around her to a higher order. She created equilibrium in the chaotic world of crime.

There were two certainties on this subject: Richard Castle was certain his wife was lamidvavnick. She was certain he was still crazy in love with her.

**Washington, DC, Winter 2025**

**Chapter 1**

From the outside, The Tabard Inn looked like just another dressed up old hotel in Washington D.C. But that was not the case. The Tabard was built in 1922, but in truth it was a time machine constructed of brick and mortar. Over it's long history in the District it had been connected to numerous women's social groups and clubs. During the great war it had housed Waves.

Stepping into the lobby one was transported 200 years into the past. The Tabard, built in the style of an English Manor was filled with the ambiance of the 19th Century. A guest might expect Dickens or Melville to stroll out of the antique bar.

The rooms were spacious, high ceilinged, with old style beds and furnishings to match. The bathroom decor was of beveled mirrors and cast iron bathtubs sporting clawed feet. The doors were painted and adorned with crystal knobs framed in polished silver trim with strikers to match. The curtains were delicate lace to hide the more modern privacy drapes.

As a child Christopher Lopez had visited the Tabard with his parents. He never forgot the bright red English breakfast room or the library's large wingback chairs and an assortment of books. It was the substance of his childhood memories. It was still magical for him.

After a stint in the Marine Corp he received his undergraduate degree and was off to George Town for a law degree. His goal was never to practice law, but to work in DC, the center the of power. His first job had been as an analysis for Senator Thomas Clay. He had been mentored by the best and proved to be a brilliant student. He has a knack for parsing through the minutia and cutting to the heart of an issue, the political hot spot. He was young by DC standards but was on track for great things.

After nearly 10 years at his job he moved, at the recommendation of his boss Senator Clay. He was to assist the party's newest Senator, Kate Beckett. He was awe struck by her beauty, confidence and meteoric rise. He saw the opportunity to be on her staff as a career tipping point.

The law of the Washington jungle was simple: the best defense was a good offense. This was a city of vipers, only the strong survived. Chris Lopez was determined to be a survivor. He had seen the strong disappear overnight for simple blunders. He had known little about the new Senator. She had been a Captain in the NYPD, heading up a homicide unit with a very high success rate. The twist was that for years her husband had worked with her side in numerous homicide investigations. She referred to him as her "partner," who was technically a consultant for the PD. Ironically he was not a former cop, former military, or even an investigator, but a fiction writer.

Chris Lopez decided his offense would have two paths: assist the Senator in every way possible in her new position and pursue her romantically. He reasoned it could not hurt, and could garner additional insurance for his political longevity. Even at forty-five, she was one of the most desirable women he had ever met. He discovered early on that his romantic schemes were pointless. She was grateful for help and advice, but remained business like in all inter actions.

It seemed to him that after a year she began to soften, seemed possibly vulnerable. He was unsure on why the shift occurred, but he didn't care. He had flattered her for the entire year and felt it was mostly wasted. But now he thought, maybe not.

And then something changed and she responded , it surprised him. He always considered his age his great advantage. He was eight or so years younger than her and nearly 20 years younger than her husband. He reasoned the age thing could only help and doubted little interference from the writer husband. He was dead wrong.

Chris had selected the Tabard for its magic and to impress her. This was their third visit. It should have been going great, it wasn't. This tryst thing was his insurance, but he had miscalculated and certainly misjudged her. She was not what he expected. He assumed she would be blown away by his youth, his stamina, but she wasn't. He thought she would open up to him, maybe complain about her life at home, let him be her confidant. Maybe even let him into her head. She did not. The only thing he got, was a sick sense of being used. It was a physical relationship, barely. At times he felt like he was not even in the room with her. She remained distant, always far away. He was beginning to worry how this might play out.

When they were done, they each dozed off. It had been a long hard and exhausting day.

_Her first sensation was pain. Not from a wound or a cut, but one of deep sadness, as if she had just learned of a loved one's death. The sense of loss was overwhelming. She was being emotionally pulled apart, away form everything she loved. Kate looked down at her feet as she was dragged along a dusty road. She was manacled and as she pulled they cut into her ankles, hard. They slowed her forward progress. Her hands were cuffed in the front and they were so tight they made her fingers numb. There was a long connecting bar between the cuffs where a rope was secured and used to drag her forward. The pace was relentless. She struggled to focus on her surroundings. She had no idea where she was or who was pulling her. She has no idea where she was being taken which added to her fears. _

_Along the side of the road people stood and stared with harsh cold faces. She didn't know who they were or why they grimaced and frowned at her. Some yelled obscenities, other spit. She was so confused. From time to time she would see a face she recognized. She saw Lanie and Martha, but their faces were painted in grief and sadness, cheeks flooded with tears. They did not speak or call out her name. _

_Finally she saw him and her heart leaped. She knew he would help, he was always there for her. He could tell her what it all meant. She tried to call to him, her lips moved but she didn't have the breath to speak. After three tries she finally whispered a weak,"Castle." He did not make eye contact and he seemed to not even notice her. _

_In the next moment everything stopped, the rope went slack and he was stand before her. She looked up into his eyes, the piercing blue was now sad,in fact she had never seen such sadness. She forced herself to breathe deep, expanding her chest, drawing in all the air she could, and then in desperation cried, "Castle, Castle..."_

Kate felt a hand on her shoulder. She bolted up and looked into the eyes of Chris Lopez, "Kate, are you OK? You were screaming."

"What,...what was I saying?" She asked gasping for breath.

He paused, diverted his eyes away from her, and said quietly, "You were crying out his name."

"Who's name?", she plead.

"You were crying out, "Castle, Castle", over and over."

Chris looked at her but said nothing. Wordlessly she arose and moved to a chair by the window. For several minutes she just sat in the dark room. The she parted the curtains and looked out onto "N" Street. It as nearly deserted so she pulled the heavy drape back more giving her an unobstructed view of the the world below. She pondered the darkness and wondered how her life had come to this. She turned back an looked at the figure stretched across the bed, and just shook her head.

Down on the dark street, he was ready the moment the curtain moved. In fact he was even surprised, but pleased when he saw her. He focused his camera on the window,_ click, click, click,_ and as she turned her head away from the street, _click, click click._ He muttered to himself, " A good shot, might get a bonus for tonight's work."

In her heart, she considered herself always faithful. She was not. The collision between her heart and her actions left her vexed and angry. Even when the search for her mother's killers had slowed or just stalled, her frustration were manageable. Not this. It was slow burning anger during the long years. but this was rage. She knew the difference. This rage sprung from a self-inflicted wound and she wondered if it was fatal

What had led her to this place? Why such terrible choices and this hell of betrayal against all she held dear. Even in sleep she knew she knew who she needed, who could help. She needed him, she needed Castle, her partner, her husband, he alone could help her sort out this soiled mess. But how could she turn to him, the betrayal would break his heart.

It needed to end and it needed to end now. It needed to be buried, forgotten and never allowed to see the light of day. She would find the time and place to tell him, she promised herself. He could not find out, except from her. She shuttered at the thought of having to explain, but she would. She feared she would loose him and everything that mattered to her. Over and over she rehearsed the story, but it never fit, it never made sense. How did she ever allowed this to happen?

"Chris", she called out softly.

He rolled toward her and sat up, "Kate, what time is it?

"11:35, I need to go!"

"Wait, wait, let me get dressed, we'll go out the back, I'll take you to your apartment."

They finished dressing in silence. Kate had nothing to say, Chris could feel the ice of her mood permeate the room. Listening to someone cry out in their sleep, for their husband, was something he never expected. He needed to cut his losses.

He tried to sound causal and asked, " Hey are you OK?"

"No", was all she said.

While Kate was checking her hair in the bathroom, he sent the text, short and to the point: _back door 5 minutes._

As they walked out the rear door toward the car, he pulled her into his shoulder and kissed the side of her head. _Click, click, click. _He knew his great scheme was unraveling and his good political senses told him this blunder could cost him everything. He finally knew, there was no magic at the Tabard, and if there ever was, he had killed it.

Richard Castle liked the phrase, "Scotch neat." It had a nice ring to it. But he preferred his over ice, like the glass of _Macallan_ he now held. He found it ironic that only scotch, or bourbon, could be neat, the rest of life was much more complicated, much messier. His life had drifted far from neat. Early that evening he had received a short text from Beckett; _Working late, call you in the AM, KB. _

Such brevity and business tone was not like her.

For years he and his wife had thought in sync, spoken in sync and seemed to parallel one another in their thinking. They communicated well even on the non-verbal, sub-text level. They shared an intuitiveness about where the other was going with an idea and often spoke for each another. It was seen as uncanny by those around them.

His intuition was pinging loudly. All was not well. He could feel her drifting and it scared him. But more than anything, he just missed her. Any room was better and brighter with her in it. He was embarrassed over his dependency and need for this woman. He told himself to stop worrying. She'd be home in just 48 hours. He could not wait. The ringing of his cell phone, pulled him from these dark thoughts.

"Hello", his voice was flat and he wondered who was calling him this late, "Who is this?" He snapped.

"Mr. Castle, my name is Bryan Lewis, I'm a reporter with the Washington Gazette."

"Who gave you my private number", he demanded.

"Mr. Castle, it was Paula, your agent. You may not remember but we've met once or twice at your book opening in DC. My papers run some article and reviews on both the _Storm _and _Heat_ series."

"I don't mean to sound rude Mr. Lewis, but why are you call so late in the evening?"

"Sir, I wouldn't normally do so, but, I need to meet with you, as soon as possible."

"Meet about what?" Growing more indignant with each passing second. He thought to himself, Paula is gonna catch hell for this.

"Mr. Castle, I can't discuss anything over the phone. As I told Paula, if you'll trust me and meet, if afterwards you feel I've wasted your time, you'll never hear from me again." His voice was urgent and plaintive in it's appeal.

The ping in his had gone from a soft buzz to a loud clanging. His stomach burned, but not from the scotch. After a long pause, he said, "When and where" and added, "Bryan I do remember you now. I have to tell, if I didn't, I'd never agree to such a meeting."

"Can you be in DC tomorrow before noon?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Mr. Castle, this is urgent, very urgent, or I would not ask."

With the details worked out, they agreed on the time and place. Castle said he'd text the exact landing time after the arrangements were made in the morning.

"Sir, I have one additional request."

"And what pray tell is that?" His voice now a blend of anger and fear.

"Under no circumstances can you tell anyone about this meeting, no one." His tone was now ominous, but not threatening.

"Do you understand and agree?" Bryan pressed.

"Yes Bryan, I will speak to no one about this."

"Thank you, I'll see you tomorrow," and the phone went dead.

After the call, and taking a minute to calm down, he laughed to himself, "Well, at least he didn't suggest a parking garage."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** Thanks to each of you for reading my story, for your reviews and comments.

Also, thanks to Andrew Marlowe, the writers of Castle and the great crew of actors. This idea comes from their great stories. It all belongs to them. I have tried to guess where they could go with the Time Will Tell subplots and what Simon Doyle meant. This is my shot at one possibility.

**Chapter 2**

As Richard Castle gazed out the window he could see the landmarks of DC off in the distance. Things that represented the history and power of a nation. He also imagined his wife now at the center of it all, he was so proud. Still he felt powerless on this journey, to his mystery meeting. He was not in control and he didn't like that at all.

They had started their descent into the Reagan National just twelve miles from downtown, just twelve miles from Kate. He pushed back his anxiety and hoped this would better than he feared.

Still he loathed DC, even though he had encouraged Beckett to take the job. This city held nothing for him. Their first encounter was with the FBI, which was horrible for both of them. The separation was too much and the job didn't fit his very independent partner. But here they were, back again.

His internal alarms were still buzzing, he hadn't slept well after the call. To make the trip required some quick shuffling of his schedule and making sure the kids got to school. It was a juggling act on a good day, this was stretch. He'd complied with the admonition of the reporter and told no one, but the pilot where they were going.

On the ground, Bryan Lewis watched as the Citation M2, with its elegant and distinctive wings, make its final approach. It was a beautiful plane, on a beautiful day. He knew he was about to turn Richard Castles' life up side down, his stomach churned at the thought.

Years ago, when he decided on journalism, he had had such high ideals. Uncovering secrets, chasing down great stories, digging for the truth. Today he didn't even know what "great" would be. What he did know, was that nothing about this meeting was going to be good.

The irony for him was that the bigger than life people, who splashed across newspaper pages and televisions, with beautiful lives, were often just like the rest of the world, living in desperate circumstances, trying to hold it all together. Love was no easier for them. Their kids didn't mind any better. They like everyone else, faced the same exact pressures of daily living. As far as he was concerned, the celebrities really differed only by one degree, they had the additional baggage of fame. He took a moment to relish his obscure life as a beat reporter. Richard and Katherine Castle were about to have their lives consumed on the front pages of newspapers around the world. He did not envy them at all.

The Citations wheels chirped as it touched down at National and taxied to the general aviation parking area. Bryan had waited in the GA offices and once the the plane pulled to a stop he prepared to walk out. But first he waited for the engines to whine down. Once the roar stopped, he made his way toward the plane. As he approached, the passenger door projected out and its stairs unfolded to allow him entry. He felt like he was going to an execution, not boarding a five-million dollar jet. He was so glad he'd be driving home in his ten years old Prius.

Extending his hand he said, "Mr. Castle, Bryan Lewis, thank you for meeting me."

He immediately continued, "Again I apologize for the timing of my call last night and the rather clandestine appearances, I had no choice."

"Rick Castle, please call me Rick," grasping the reporters hand, " Come in and sit. Can I get you something?"

"No thank you, sir."

"OK. I'm not Sir or Mr. Castle, it's just Rick. So, Bryan you have my undivided attention." then adding, "In fact you've had it since you called last night."

"Let me start with a little explanation about newspaper workings, you probably know this, but just in case. Then I'll get to the point."

"We have a number of sources who come to us with information. Some in the form of documents, or just personal knowledge of things we'd never have access to. Others provide video, film or pictures."

Castle felt he was about to vomit. There was nothing on that list he wanted to see or touch. He didn't want secrets or documents or film. Where was this going? Why was he telling him this? Was this about Beckett? He wondered if he had made a mistake, he should have called her first, she was always his first contact.

"Mike Brown is a photographer, he does free lance work and comes to us from time to time with ideas or stories he's captured on film or video. The Gazette has a first shot agreement with him. If we're interested, we work out the terms of compensation. If either side doesn't like the work or the terms...you get the point."

"About a month ago he called and said he'd been contacted by a mid-level aide to a Senator. The aide wanted Mike to tail him and take pictures. He agreed to do so and would provide whatever film he got. As the project expanded, with more and more pictures accumulating, the terms of compensation became an issue. They didn't resolve the problem so Mike contacted us, saying he thought the deal was going south and the story was too big to let go. Which meant the value of the pictures was much more than just his hourly rate. This, in Mike's opinion was a much bigger story. Needless to say, these are not ideal circumstances for obtaining news. The photographer is not going to win a prize for photography or the moral high ground. He's known for getting dirt."

"We knew if we rejected the offer, he'd just go to the next bidder." There were more details but Bryan felt he had said enough.

He noticed Richard Castle's head turns slightly to the right and he looked out onto the tarmac. His eyes appeared to lose focus. Bryan decided to be quiet for a minute and wait for the author's attention to return.

_The water had been icy cold, the car sunk like a rock. His belt came off easily but Kate's did not. He had no idea a car could fill so quickly with water. _Oh Kate, my love what have you done?_. He moved to the back of the car and dove into the frigid water groping under the seat for her gun. He couldn't find it, but he would not let her drown. She would not die alone, he would not let this happen. _Kate, Kate, Kate. _He found the gun, and was able to shoot the seat belt apart without hurting her. She was unconscious as he pulled her from the watery grave. Later, as they sat on the side of the pier and tried to get warm, his heart wouldn't stop racing. It had been so close, he had almost lost her, again. He was so thankful she was alive, he wanted to wrap the shivering Beckett in his arms and never let go. But he didn't. _And now, he was about to drown, or they both were, again.

"Rick, Mr. Castle are you OK?"

"Yeah, yeah... I'm sorry I was drifting, continue," again facing the reporter and resuming eye contact.

"This Mike guy has photographs, taken over the last few months of"'...he stopped, cursed to himself, why did he have to do this?

"Bryan. Just tell me." The look was one of dread.

"Rich has pictures of your wife and an aide." the reporters tone could not have been any flatter. "They appear to be having an affair. These are two groups of photos from a late night visit to a local hotel, there are more."

"My editors have agreed to buy the pictures," and he quickly added, " if not us, then he'll just go to another paper."

"Next Tuesday, the photos and story will likely be our lead story, above the crease."

With nothing more to say, Bryan handed Richard Castle the portfolio of pictures. The author slowly opened the package, Bryan heard him suck in air, like he had been struck. He saw his hand clinch tight and turn white but Castle said nothing.

Bryan Lewis, had covered many stories and been in the worst of disasters. He had seen people dying, and has watched then slip away. He had seen others transformed into the walking dead, in an instant. The light in Rick Castle eyes was gone in a flash, tears slipped from their corners and ran free. His face sagged and he suddenly looked much older than 55.

"Sir, let me give you a few minutes." He said rising, careful not to hit his head on the jets low ceiling.

The author said nothing just starred down at the folder.

There is no sound like it. It is unique to the human species. A sound one never wants to hear. For in that moment, there are no words of comfort, no touch to sooth. It is the moment when the heart is wrenched from the chest and agony floods the soul. He heard the author sob and repeat his wife's name over and over. He wished he could just run, but he could not.

After a few minutes Castle came to the door of the plane and waived Bryan back inside.

"I'm sorry Bryan, ...this is very...' but he did not complete the sentence.

"Mr. Castle, I'm the one that's sorry. I've always liked your books and the way you interact with your fans at your signings. Even as a newspaper writer I appreciated a reader saying they got someone from one of my stories. I would not wish this on anyone. I wish we could have met under better circumstances."

"When the news of this story...involving your wife came to my attention, I knew they'd go with it. So I asked my editors if I could meet with you, before it ran. I contacted Paula and said only enough to convince her to give me your cell number."

"Mr. Castle, I just didn't want you to be unprepared. I know this meeting is like being blind sided. There was no easy way to tell you this, it's a very difficult...I...I want you know I'm sorry about all this. The pictures suggest...or insinuate…but maybe it's not what it..." He didn't finish.

Richard Castles head remained down, starring at his hands, tears still leaked from his eyes, but he seemed unaware as he listened. Then he looked up, "Bryan, thank you for warning me. I'll contact my wife, we'll get ready for the storm."

There were only a few words further in the exchange. As Bryan left the plane, Castle watched him leave and called out, "Hey Bryan, thank you, I'm in your debt."

**XXX**

Senator Beckett was sitting at her office desk, pondering last night and the whole mess she had created. She determined, it was over and she had to stop this insane conduct. Further, the thing had to be buried. She would talk with Chris and suggest he find a new place of employment, their working together was done. She could not do this to her husband, to her kids, her friends or her constituents. Her personal cell phone vibrated, Rick's face lite up the screen and she shuttered, fearing he would read her thoughts.

"Hey Castle, what's up? Everything OK?

He lied, "Yeah, fine."

"You don't usually call me this early."

For him, the sound of Kate's voice was like a balm. He just needed to just hear it and when he did, he found himself struggling for air and was unable to hold back the tears.

He fained a coughing spell, "Becket, sorry, seem to be choking on thin air here. I just wanted to make sure you'll be home tomorrow as planned."

"I will, are you sending the plane?"

"Yeah, we're still set for 6 PM at Reagan?

"That still looks good. I have a meeting at 3:30 and it should be done by 4:15. That'll give me enough time to get to the airport."

"He'll be there by 5:30, and won't leave without you."

"Kate, one other thing, save me some energy, something has come up and we need to talk."

"What is it Rick, are the kids OK?" She immediately felt a surge of anxiety and thought it stupid on her part. She needed to get a grip.

"No, no, they're fine, but it'll wait til you get here."

"OK, hey, they just called for me, I gotta run," and she ended the call.

**XXX**

The flight from Washington DC to New York was slightly over an hour. She had always been willing to fly commercial. Rick refused. He wanted her to have the luxury of leaving on her own schedule, not the airlines. He didn't want her waiting a minute or having to spending any extra time away from them. They had the money, he always preferred spending it on her.

The whole Senate experience had been hard on the family. The PD was always hard, but at times the Senate felt impossible. The kids needed her and she needed them. She needed Rick and he was juggling the writing and full time child care responsibilities. He had insisted that she feel free to focus on her new position as a Senator and always told her not to worry about things at home. He told her, it wasn't the title that impressed him or made him willing to work so hard, but his great belief in her. Not just her abilities, but who she was and how extraordinary her future would be if she would just accept it. She wondered how had she been so slow to see him in their early years at the PD. How much he has always cared for her?

She looked out the window and considered their many talks, his total faith in her and in her abilities. As she did tears slipped down her cheeks as she compared his faith in her with the mess she was in now. What it could do to them. Little did she know that her husband had sat in the same seat the day before, wondering the same things and weeping uncontrollably over her.

The lights of New York came into view. She would be home soon. She'd see her kids and feel the embrace of her husband. Hopefully she could find her way back to them.

As the limo pulled up to their curb she felt a new wave of exhaustion. She hoped what ever was on Ricks mind, that it could wait until the morning. More than anything, she just wanted to hug the kids, slide into her tub and their bed. She wanted to be safe, she needed to feel secure. She was so thankful to just be home.

At 7:45 the front door swung open and she was greeted by the gleaming faces of her three kids. She was struck by a mass of arms and legs. All three squealing and talking at the same time, "Mommy, mommy, we missed you."

As the kids bantered, screamed and danced around her, she allowed herself the pleasure of their attention and wonderful affection. It was like a medicine to her weary heart. She looked across the room and saw her husband, smiling broadly at their reunion, but she also saw a hint of pain and maybe even sorrow, and then it was gone. She felt a pang of concern for him. Something was amiss.

It was 10:00 before the roar ended and the kids were finally tucked in bed. Kate sat with her feet on the coffee table, next to them, a glass of wine. Her head was laid back against the sofa. The room was quiet.

She opened her eyes and saw her husband starring at her from his chair. "Castle, you're starring again." He just smiled, but only slightly.

Early she had seen the sadness, it had disappeared during the family time, but now it was back. That same sorrow and pain was there again. She wanted just to hold him and to chase it away. They were together and that always made things better.

"Rick, I know you'd like to talk, but can we do it in the morning? I just need a bath and our bed. I'm beyond pooped."

He looked at her and softly replied, "I'd love to Kate, but this can't wait." Then he got up an walked into the office.

Following him, slowly she added, "Rick, I'm serious, I just don't have it in me tonight."

"Kate, we have no choice." She was startled by the ominous tone of his response.

She moved into the office and fell into the leather sofa. She closed her eyes and decided to just listen and then try to put off whatever it was until morning.

"I was in DC yesterday."

Her eyes popped open, and set up straight,, "Why didn't you call or come by the office?"

"Actually I only flew into National for a quick meeting and then returned home."

"A meeting with whom?"

He paused, not wanting to speak the words. "On Wednesday evening I had a call from a reporter at the Washington Gazette. He insisted I meet with him, but said he couldn't tell me why."

"Do you know this reporter?" Sounding surprised and a little suspicious.

"Not really, but I remembered he'd written a couple of reviews of my books in the past, so I knew of him."

"And why did you agree to meet with him?" She now glared at him, somewhat indignant, because of what he was telling her.

"He told me, I'd have to trust him. He said it was of utmost importance, that we meet." He paused, "I was very reluctant, but he nearly begged, saying it was for my benefit and not his. He assured me he was not looking for something from me."

"Rick, I don't get this at all. You know there are a lots of people and organizations taking pot shots at me, for a ton of reasons." She paused.

"Why didn't you call me and at least let me have the guy vetted before you met." Her face had changed from concern and she switched to the Senator Beckett mode, a side of her that had scared him over the past few months.

"Beckett... listen to me, please." He said cutting her off.

But she continued, "I'm...I'm just concerned this may have greater implications than just you and your work."

He said nothing for nearly a half minute. He could not begin the story. He, the storyteller, was stuck. His month was dry and the words would not come. The implications of them made it feel like he was being crushing, squeezed by and unseen hand.

"Rick, what's wrong, tell me about this meeting." She had now moved to the chair in front of his desk, her on the desk she was looking straight at him.

"There's a photographer in DC who does work for the Gazette. He comes to them with stories or photos. If they think he has something, then they buy it. It...depends on what he has, he's just one of their independent sources."

Beckett's stomach began to clench, she thought, _tell me no, tell this isn't what I think._

Rick continued, "They looked at what he had and said they were interested. Then they called in the reporter I met with, to get some back ground information."

"What kind of information?" Her voice pitched slightly higher.

Rick pulled the file from the drawer, he stood and she stood, both facing each other from opposite sides of the desk. The manila folder was still closed. She looked up into his eyes, and saw the agony. Her heart sank, what was this?

He slowly opened the file. The first picture was time stamped in the lower left hand corner, it was taken at the back exit of the Tabard Inn. Chris Lopez had his arm around Kate, and had pulled her in to kiss the side of her head. Beckett remembered it clearly from less than 48 hours early. She was panicking but was startled by a the hitch in her husbands breathing. Before she had the courage to look up a drop splattered onto the photo and then another. She looked into his eyes, the tears already flooding down his face and his shoulders trembling. She just wanted to die.

Rick gasped and attempted to cleared his throat, and choked out, "He called me...to give me these photos." A sob broke the sentence apart, "...and to warn me... the story would run...on Tuesday morning in the Gazette."

He wanted her to say something, to tell him it wasn't what it looked like, but the look on her face told him otherwise, and he knew, the photos did not lie.

He spoke again but almost in a whisper. "Kate, Kate... you know...I have loved you since day one. For me the sun rises and sets in you...I cannot help it. I would die for you, do anything for you." His words again were interpreted by soft mournful sobs.

She could say nothing as her own tears erupted and flowed down her face.

When his voice returned she could barely hear him, he starred down at the now wet photo and said, "How could you do this to us? Why would you do this, Kate?"

The only words she could muster was, " Rick, I'm so sorry, so sorry. I..." And then the tears won and her words failed.

She loved this man, she needed him desperately and she had all but held a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. He was dying from a broken heart, right in in front of her, yet she could say nothing to comfort his great pain.

Castle moved around the desk toward the bedroom. He stopped in the doorway, but did not turn around. He tried again to find his voice, and then said softly, "You need to call Adriana, you'll need to get ready for Tuesday."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Adrianna Jones had served as chief of staff for a number of different politicians. She'd seen it all. She'd been through the best and worst of days. From the beginning she had had deep reservations about the task ahead of Kate Beckett as a new senator. But she was willing to help, to make the best of this noble undertaking. But the young Senator was in difficult waters. Yes, she had a stellar career as a detective, a captain and task force leader and on her own she was great, and then there was her partner. She and Richard Castle generated a special dynamic, they worked well together and enhanced each others abilities. And now, here they were in this terrible mess.

She looked at the two broken and wounded people before her. She wanted to cry. She had. But more than tears, she wanted to mourn this tragedy, but there was simply no time. The sharks were circling, and Washington loved blood, This sorted tale had chummed the waters. They needed to act.

"We have two choices. We can deny since there's no proof of anything. A kiss and a hug, in the world of sex tapes, this is nothing. If it were a jury, you'd walk away. Since neither is against any law." Adrianna set back and waited for a reaction, neither Beckett or Castle spoke.

She continued, "Second, we can sue the newspaper for slander. Start the legal ball rolling and see if it prevent the damage from escalating. They're trying to hang you on innuendo."

Castle shifted and said, "Aren't there other options? What of the re-election and what will this do to the poll numbers?"

Adrianna had considered the polls, she always considered them. The situation was a blend of a truly personal and the always public role of a Senator.

Kate had been silent and distant throughout the morning and continued so in this private meeting.

Adrianna was running out of patience, "Senator, I need your help! We have six hours until the news conference. We've got to get ready and it will not be easy. As your husband suggested, the polls are always and issue. Your performance is important."

"I'm sorry Adriana, my mind is occupied on...so many things. Back to the options."

"What if our position is simply...this is private matter and suggest they stop digging?" Rick asked, with a frown.

"It's always an option to keep, or attempt to keep somethings like this under wraps. However it's tough to pull off."

"The press wants in. They see a story and they be relentless." Adriana made a steeple with her fingers and swung her chair from side to side and thought.

"But it is...private," Kate chimed in. " I want to leave it there. I'd like to make a simple statement and take a few questions. The press has not been harmed, my husband and family are the victims here. I don't want to deny or sue. It suggests politics as usual. and I hate that idea."

"What do you propose for the statements?"

"I don't know yet Andriana, I'll need help. Castle?" Looking over to him.

After a long pause, Rick spoke, softly and pensively, "Kate I will help, but we need this filtered through Mark. Handling the press is his specialty. I want it to be right for you and to keep you from ending up as fodder for the press." As he spoke his gaze focused on something across the room. Kate had been looking at him, hoping for some assurance, but she was left wanting and alone.

Adriana jumped into the awkward moment, " I'll get Mark working on something. Meanwhile I need you both to look at me." Kate had been listening and following, Castle now shifted his focus to Adrianna.

"This is not easy. It's a fresh unresolved wound. You both look terrible. You cannot face the press looking like you do. We need...make-up and little theater."

She continued, "Kate, the bags under your eyes have to be worked on before the conference and Rick you'll need to re-shave and get a fresh suit. You'll probably need make-up too."

"That's the easy stuff."

"The theater part is much harder. It will require you to perform." Turning her focus to the Senator she said, "Kate, you've done that at numerous press conferences for the PD. You've been up a creek with little or no evidence and spun yourself some time. Do that today! Be not yield the offensive."

"Remember, the most important days in the political arena are your worst days. This is your first and ….worst. This will be a test of what you can do under fire, in the least desirable environment. You can and will do this."

"You want me to pretend this is just another test in the fish bowl," Kate asked incredulously.

"Yeah, it is a fish bowl, you're the fish and the press are the sharks. You need to swim fast or die trying. You know this! They couldn't care less about your personal issues. They just want a story and you're it."

Castle spoke, now clearly focused, "We can do it. We've faced many tough spots, we'll get it done." He turned for the first time in the meeting and stared at his wife. She did not make eye contact but simply looked down at her hands, now folded in her lap.

XXX

The Castles sat quietly as the staff gathered in the large conference room. Everyone in the office attended, except Chris Lopez. Every member from lowest to highest was uncomfortable. Each person seemed to search for a spot to direct their eyes, to hide their focus from the coming news. The mood was worse than somber, it was morose. Gloom smothered the room.

The distance between the Senator and her husband, never seen before by the staff, fueled the dark mood. She sat at her desk and he, across the room at a small desk, his head down. He seemed to be making notes.

The staff collectively ached for them. These two had been the picture of romance and love. The staff all hoped to do as well in marriage. Now it was broken and shattered and they were witnesses to the carnage..

The story's impact was explosive, with Senator Beckett now the talk of the town. She and her staff were in the hot seat, each one felt the pressure.

Mark Fillmore addressed the room, " We have a press conference in 30 minutes. Adrianna and I have met with Senator Beckett and Mr. Castle. We've prepared a statement for the Senator which she will read and then answer some limited number of questions." He paused.

"We're looking for some engagement with the press, but I'll monitor the length of the conference. The goal today is to do some "push back" on the Gazette's story. We do not want to appear as though we're hunkering down."

"I will accompany the Senator and Mr. Castle to the podium. Again he's there for moral support, he will not be speaking. The Senator and he agreed on his attendance. I think it's a good move."

"Ladies and Gentlemen,my name is Mark Fillmore, I'm the media co-coordinator for Senator Beckett's office. The Senator will have a brief statement and will then field a few questions."

Kate stood before the assembled press core. They seemed to be surging forward with mikes and mike-booms. The stand she would use for her notes was covered with microphones attached with Velcro straps to increase its capacity. She took a deep breath, she had to do this well, but she knew she was miles from being well. But her well being was not the issue. Still, despite the throng she was most consciousness of the figure standing behind to her to the left. Her husband stood ramrod straight. He looked ready for whatever would come from this encounter.

"Ladies and Gentleman thank you for being present today on rather short notice. This morning the Washington Gazette ran a number of photographs of myself and one of my aides. While duties of my office place much of my life in the public arena, not everything is public, nor should it be."

"Having said that. I am asking that you honor the separation between the two. I consider this as strictly private matter, despite the Gazettes photo's and article." Kate paused and the corp immediately pressed forward shouting questions simultaneously.

Mark Fillmore quickly stepped to the microphone., "Folks, please, allow the Senator to finish her comments, you'll have a chance."

She continued, " I am not here to explain the photographs. Any issues raised by their publication cannot and will not be resolved publicly. The parties affected are not public figures/ They do not hold a public office. I ask that their privacy and mine be honored. Thank you."

She immediately turned to Fred Marvell, a old hand in the Washington press corp. Mark had suggested she start with him, in order to control the questioning as much as possible, "Fred I saw your hand, do you have a question?"

"Senator two questions, Is Chris Lopes still on staff? And, do you think you should consider resignation under these circumstances? "

"Fred, Mr. Lopez resigned this morning. As to the resignation, I return to my comments. This is a private issue, not a public one. I have not compromised my work or my duties to the people of New York. So no, I have no intention of resigning."

Senator, another voice called out, "Were you having an affair with Chris Lopez and how does that conduct serve your constituents?"

Dodging the question she said, "Mr. Lopez chose to leave his position and pursue other options. It was his decision. I've answered the second question already. "

Senator, another shouted, "Have you given up the moral ground to your critics who are saying you've lost your way?

Richard Castle watched the press melee and became increasingly angry. He'd watched her through the years in difficult press situations. He could read her without seeing her face. The way she moved her shoulders, or shuffled her feet, or any a slight variation in her posture said it all. She was going over the edge.

His response was visceral, he would not stand by and let these vultures tear into her. He'd almost broke his hand on another mans face who tried to shoot her once. That same fighting, blind rage was making it's way to the surface. He was angry with her. He doubted it could be fixed, that they would ever be husband and wife again, but that was for later. She was his responsibility, he'd promised to always have her back and this was about to end.

Beckett felt herself start to flounder. It wasn't the idiots yelling questions at her, but the cumulative weight of Friday night , the endless weekend and two days leading up to this conference. It had all taken its toll. It wasn't even the questions. She'd already asked herself all the same ones, over and over. But they didn't need to come from the press. How could she lead when she was so screwed up? Would her husband even be hers at the end of this? Had she irreparably destroyed her life and his?

_After the phone call to Adriana, Beckett made her way to the bedroom, Castle was in the shower. The bed had been pulled back and she took in the room, their private world. She leaned against the door frame and breathed in the scent of their sanctuary. She loved the smell, clean and fresh, the bathroom soaps and lotions scented the air. She loved the textures and colors of the fabrics. If there was a heaven on earth, it was this private place of theirs. But she had broken the means to live and dwell here. _

_She imagined herself on a shore looking across to this beautiful island. The only way to reach it was the small boat that lay in ruins at her feet, burned beyond recognition. The torch that caused it's destruction, still blazed in her hand. _

_She was pulled from her thoughts as Castle opened the bathroom door. He stopped when he saw her, and just starred. She had never seen such sadness in his eyes, "Rick, I'm so..."_

_He stopped her, "Beckett, take a shower, get to bed, you need to rest. No more talking tonight." He then walked past her, toward the kitchen._

_He has not returned to the room by the time she came out. She could see the kitchen light was still on. _

_When she awoke in the morning, it was evident that his side of the bed had not been slept on. _

She startled as someone yelled another question, and then he was beside her. She sensed his presence even before his hand landed lightly on the small of her back. She always knew when he was in a room. With him came a wave of ease and calm. The way he laughed or smiled at her always created a wonderful zone of comfort and safety. She had either ignored his special power over her, or had somehow allowed her to forget it in the last six months.

She expected him to simply stand there as she fielded the questions. She was surprised when she heard his voice, "Senator may I ?" As he bumped her gently and stood close to her. She felt the calming immediately.

"My name is Richard Castle, I'm Senator Beckett's husband and long time partner."

"Over the last 15 plus years we've worked together at the NYPD, the Homicide Division. The Senator as a lead detective and I as a civilian consultant. During those years, we searched for the motive of a crimes. The means to accomplish the crime. To understand why people behave the way they do and why they would take another's life. In those long hours, on many cases, you develop a good sense of who your partner is and what they are at their very core." He paused and looked over the group of reporters, waiting briefly for his words to sink in.

"Yes, I know this is not police work. But even now we're looking at problems and assessing which issues are urgent. We determining how we can solve or meet numerous demands with limited resources. The tasks are surprisingly similar."

Oft to their right, Mark Fillmore was slipping into his full code red fidget. This was so far off the script, he was panicking and struggling to keep a calm face for the public. They'd all agreed, Castle was not to speak and not engage the press. He was not the Senator. But now, there he was, front and center, standing beside his wife. Mark feared where this would go and how he wouldn't be able to fix it.

Castle was speaking. "One of the things that drew me to Senator Beckett, was thing that made her a great detective. It was her sense of duty to the PD and the families who were desperate for answers. She has always retained that same sense of duty. It is deeply etched into her, it is who she is and even now it makes her a great Senator."

As he heard his own words, and felt his strong core belief in her, he could not reconcile her actions, her disregard for her duty to him, to their children.

"There have been questions about resignation, and whether she has lost her way or if her moral compass is broken. Such questions, miss the mark. I believe in her moral compass. I believe in her deep sense of right and wrong. I stand by her today because those traits have literally saved my life in the past."

"That compass has driven her into great danger for the sake others. That compass has pushed her to deaths door for the sake of others. Her compass is not broken. Yes, we have hit a rough spot in the road..." he pause and took a deep breath as Beckett's hand clutched his arm.

"I have always been honored to stand with her. To stand beside her as my partner for many years and now as my wife. I know her to be extraordinary." Again he stopped.

His tone was softer when he started again, "While I would choose different circumstances, I would never choose a different place to be, other than with her. She is not lost, she is not broken. New York continues to be served by an exceptional Senator."

"So today I ask...that you honor her request to resolve these private matters, privately."

Again he paused, a finished with, "Thank you."

He immediately moved his arm up around her shoulder and turned her away from the press corp.

They walked with her still folded into his shoulder for 75 yards or so and then turned into a passage way that led back to the Senate offices. When they were out of sight, he stopped and pulled her into his arms. He buried his face into her hair. She laid her head on his shoulder and began to shake as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Unknown to them Bryan Lewis stood across the large open area, perpendicular to the passage. As the Castles turned and stopped, he saw Richard Castle pull his wife into an full embrace. He zoomed the camera lens in on the scene and captured Senator Beckett's face, He allowed the camera to do its work with a number of rapid shots. He then reset the frame, pulling out slightly for another group, and then _click, click, click. _

Mark Fillmore stopped in front of the office door and knocked, he heard the quiet, "Come in."

Senator Beckett was sitting at her desk peering out the window. Her eyes were puffy and the weight of the conference was etched on her face.

Mark said, "It went OK Senator, better than I had hoped." He paused,

"Your husband gave me a bit of a surprise when he joined you at the microphones."

"Yeah he tends to be unpredictable", she replied.

"I think he saved the day" Again going silent.

"Can I ask you something?"

She looked up and could see he was considering his words, whether he should even speak.

"Of course."

"Is he always like that?"

The a faint smile broadened, though still pained, as it broke across her face. It was the first smile he had seen that day.

Then she whispered, "Always," emotion choking her voice.

Mark excused himself and walked down the hallway to his office. He wondered, how could she have gotten involved with Lopez. After what he had seen today, it just made no sense.

As he sat at his desk, he shuddered at the implication, not just for the Castle's, but for himself, for everyone, and mumbled, "We're all just fools."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Washington DC Winter 2025**

The evening news channels all lead with the story. The pundits were lined up, analyzing each and every possible misstep. Noting a frown, a glare or lengthly pause by Senator Beckett. The editing whiz kids plied their trade, clipping, pasting, stringing the spin. The tricks of the trade made it appear as bad as possible, but that was the point.

The media carried on the tradition. Lived up to the old adage that news is not reported, it's made. The minions were doing their work, fueling the chronicle of the fall of yet another Senator.

If truth mattered, Senator Beckett had made her case quickly and with simple clarity. This was a family matter, she intended to deal with it as such. She did not sell secrets to a foreign power, or add a ridiculous pork barrel project to a bill. She had displayed, what appeared to be, poor judgment.

The news media thrived on anything tawdry. It sold new. They created heroes, whom they cheered on with raised glasses of champagne in the evening and then, in the morning, built the gallows on which to to hang them.

The Senator's tenure had been controversial from day one. The circumstances of becoming a Senator galled seasoned politicians. It angered those political opponents who deemed themselves far more qualified. They considered themselves the rightful heirs of power and they had, inexplicably, been passed over.

But the general public had immediately embraced the new Senator. She was a fresh face. She didn't sound like the rest of the political hacks. The public existed in a state of near nausea due to the Washington talking heads. Most would agree with Macbeth, they were all fools who mounted the stage, year after year, full of sound and fury, but in the end, it all signified nothing. Unfortunately there were endless opportunities for them to wax eloquent, grabbing their daily fifteen minutes of fame, like court Jesters of old.

Kate Beckett was none of these things. She had learned how to hold the press at bay. Its need for information was not really a need, but an addiction to fill their newspapers. With police work, the public and the press, wanted secrets for the sake of knowing, not to help an investigation. But withheld information could often reveal the hand of a criminal and help in breaking a case. She didn't fabricate or pretend. In her position this was a double edged sword. Like the police press corp, the reporter's long view was the next deadline for printing. Their attention span was two or three news cycles, after that the story of Senator Beckett's woes would be old news. The press would be rolling onto the next morsel.

Richard Castle had derailed the press freight train by coming to the defense of his "partner and wife." The press had hoped for a meal on the carcass of a Senator, by sheer will, he had refused to allow that to happen.

In their eyes the husband was a prop, a window dressing. To be carefully positioned for this political walk of shame. His task was to bring and display the somber and stress filled face. Portray solidarity and sorrow, but most importantly, keep quiet.

His intervention was not business as usual for DC. He had defended her on every level, extolled her potential as a Senator and then swept her away from the sharks. His rescue required the spin doctors and the editor to double their efforts to give this story some bounce.

**XXX**

Bryan Lewis thought again about the first meeting at National. At the time his research told him Richard Castle was on his third marriage. For the Senator, it was her first. He had wondered if they were like many public couples, good in the spot light and something else privately. Some worked out agreements to go their separate ways, both benefiting from the public persona. A marital quid pro quo. Perhaps the Senator's dalliance was part of an "open marriage agreement" or the likes.

After the meeting, he had been troubled by the incendiary impact the pictures had on Mr. Castle. Twice that scene re-played in his head had jolted him from a sound sleep. He heard again, the sobbing which sounded so clear that at first he thought someone was in his house. But then he knew, again seeing himself on the tarmac waiting as grief ravaged the author.

He knew at that moment that his suspicion about an open marriage was wrong. The space of time between handing Mr. Castle the photographs and the flood of tears were mere moments. Bryan had quickly fled the plane to leave the man alone.

It was a reaction he had not seen before in a sex scandal. The people usually got mad or became defensive and lashed out at the reporter. But here, there was no practiced response. It was an unavoidable reaction. A dam of emotions bursting. He hated being there. He hated the necessity of having to be a witness to such private grief and agony.

The Washington Gazette had chummed the waters. They had launched the opening salvo and let the story burst to life. From there, they were rewarded with a surge in sales. It wouldn't last long, but it always helped the bottom line. The investment in the photos had been a pittance compared to the returns they now reaped.

Money be damned. Bryan hadn't liked the story from the get go. If there even was a story, which he didn't think there was, everything was based on smoke and mirrors. But the DC beat, like all beats, were scoop driven. It was a competitive market and Senator Beckett was the latest, hot commodity. Hers was the hottest story in town. The Gazette, which was nearly libertarian in its political slant, couldn't care less about the Senators bedroom. They just needed to sell papers, and this story was making it happen.

As he replayed the meeting with Richard Castle, it just didn't feel right. The more he looked, the more he concluded the reputation of the Castles contained no hint of this type of conduct. It appeared the Senator had veered off course and in a better world she would come to her senses. But she had left the better world, for DC.

Since he had broken the story, he would have to cover the execution on this day. But he chose to do so on his terms. He didn't know how it would play out. Fortunately the Gazette had a handsome reporter who could ask questions and appear on camera. So Bryan directed the cameraman to keep close to the reporter. Bryan was going to hang back and see how the event unfolded, especially the question and answer portion of the conference. He liked his digital camera shots better than video anyway. He had been successful in capturing some great stories with crisp stills.

He heard the news conference come to an abrupt end. He could see the reporters and camera crews break out of the tight huddle. The next thing he saw was Richard Castle briskly walking away with the Senator tucked in the crook of his right shoulder. Her head was down, but his was level, eyes straight forward, clearly a man on a mission. They moved to an out of the way passage. They stopped, faced each other and embraced, caving in on one another. There would be no additional statements from them today.

He had been surprised when Mr. Castle stepped up to the mike and began speaking He thought something special was going to happen. This was was unusual for DC and since she was the Senator, his role was to remain in the background. Bryan surmised it was a husband protecting his wife and politics be damned. He admired Richard Castle for his actions.

In the past he had covered all sorts of scandals, both money and sex were Washington's crown jewels. In many cases the news conference, or the show was just that, a show. Once the wretch, male or female, had faced their public flogging the unhappy couples separate like water and oil. But not here. The Castles had sought the nearest semi-secluded spot for shelter. Not to argue, or glare, but so they could cling to one another in this crisis. These two were not water and oil. His goal was to tell a different story, to show the world what the truth. Maybe even redeem his paper, at least a little. The camera did its work, _click, click, click. _

**XXX**

_The call had come in that a suspect was cornered. The uniforms would wait for the detectives, it involved a homicide, it would be their collar._

_She fast forwarded through the mornings events, like it had happened only yesterday, when in fact it had been ten years ago. _

_The sound of the hollow metallic click, the metal plate beneath her feet, the dull thud in her chest. When her eyes collided with Castle's, his went from raw fear, to "Hey what are you standing on?" His, walk in the park tone, to help her get through. _

_The morning went by fast and she was sure it was her last day of life. The bomb squad assuring her they would work until the last minute. Castle has conceded to doing one last thing for her, his last gift to her. She played her final card, asked him to leave. They spoke, for the last time of love, and he left. _

_Five minutes later he was back with coffee. Emotionally it was a combination of heart pounding thankfulness and breath taking fear. She knew he would not leave and she knew she wanted to live and die, with only him. It was just so selfish on her part. The writer, her love, her tag-along child had duties beyond loving and dying with her. His mother and daughter had needs tomorrow, and then the thousand tomorrows that followed. She had no right to take comfort in the closing seconds of her life with him by her side, at their expense._

_But he would not leave. He loved her more than his own life and they, together with Ryan and Esposito solved the puzzle, just as time ran out. _

She loved him. She always would. Looking back, replaying the conference, the events of the day, she was appalled at the harm, the selfishness, the pain she had laid on her husband.

She wished now for a different outcome ten long years ago. Anything but this mess she had wrought on them. If he had just granted her that last wish, he would have been better off. The bomb would have done its short brief work. Yes, he would have suffered greatly, but then he'd move on with life, with loving memory of her. But instead he had this, How would he survive?

He would have to face such pain. He would be smeared with her shame, over and over. They would call him a three time loser. The man whose love could not hold his women. This cumulative scorn and shame would likely destroy their world, and them. What the bomb had been prohibited from doing, she had done in the stupid repeated acts of betrayal.

But she could not die. She loved him. She loved Anna, AJ, and Lane. They were her life too. They needed their mother, and their father. She could not wish for death as easy out, or escape. Her kids had decades of needs that she alone could best meet. She, with the help of her partner, would do everything for their children. She wanted no release from life now. She would be there for them. She sensed her great love for them, the longings, even on this dark day. She was still had great hope in all the things they would have together.

She knew two things: life would go on and she would some how guard against ever hurting her husband again. Even if that meant pushing him away and into safety. She was poison. She was certain she could not repair her marriage. She thought that even if she did, she would only break it again, later. She knew Castle would die as quickly for their kids, just as he would have died with her ten years ago. She didn't have any answers. She had no explanation for such foolish conduct and it scared her to death.

**XXX**

On Wednesday the Gazette ran a follow up story from the news conference. While all other newspapers had splashy headlines and photographs of the fallen Senator, the Gazette did not.

Above the fold the headline read, " SHELTER, IN THE STORM"

Below the headline were two pictures, the first was a couple embracing in a small passage way, the light silhouetting the figures. The next was the same couple, but this time, a close-up. It revealed Richard Castle and Senator Beckett, wrapped in each others arms. His head was down, laying against her head, and her head was laying on his chest, with what looked like, glistening cheeks.

The story of Richard Castles defense of his wife and these pictures, were the story.

The pictures had flooded Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. While the world fed briefly on a love story, the Castles were at the same moment, coming to grips with their mortally wounded marriage.

**XXX**

The next two days were the worst of her life. Anger and self-loathing had waged an endless battle against her broken heart. She had to act.

On Thursday afternoon, she came to a decision. She made the call.

"Good afternoon", the pleasant voice answered, "Hegel & Welsh, Attorneys at Law, may I help you."

"Yes, I would like to speak with Mr. Welsh, is he available?"

"I'll have to check ma'am, do you have an appointment for this call?"

"I do not."

"Can I tell Mr. Welsh whose calling?"

"Katherine Beckett."

"Ms. Beckett does Mr. Welsh know that you would be calling, today?

"He does not."

"I will have to give him the message and then he'll have to return the call at his earliest convenience. I'm sorry."

There was silence for moment, "Could you please ring his office and ask if he has a few minutes for Senator Beckett?"

"I'm sorry Senator, I apologize. I did not make the connection, please give me a moment."

Kate waited only fifteen seconds and then a deep resonant voice came on the line, "Senator Beckett, this is Jack Welsh, how can I help you?"

"Mr. Welsh, we have not met, but several people suggested I speak with you."

"Well thank you for considering me. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry for the media circus you've been drawn into the last few days. I..."

"Sir, that's one of the reasons for my call. I need your help?"

Now he paused, "Senator you do understand I do high profile divorces. That is my sole area of practice?

"I understand that?"

"Normally my role is to protect one of the parties from an unfair division of property and any other scandal that may flow from the divorce."

"Sir, I understand."

This time he paused, "So it is your intention to divorce Mr. Castle? Do you want to seek custody of your children?

"Yes and no. But before I answer further, is everything we say confidential and protected by attorney client privilege?

"Absolutely."

"Sir I need your help in protecting my husband...from me".

"Senator, I don't understand."

"Sir, can we set a time to meet? And it must be somewhere discrete."

"Certainly."

**AN: Thanks to all for reading and posting reviews. Thank you for your honest and frank comments. There have many interesting ideas and views. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Part II**

**New York City**

**Columbia University**

**May 2021**

Chapter 5

Alexis Castle was half way there. One more year at Columbia and she'd have her Masters in biology completed. She could hardly wait. She had wanted to be in medical school by this time, but the competition was tough. Her hope was that the Master's degree would give her a needed edge. She stressed about it, a lot. But she needed to be accepted, she knew she could do this.

She;d graduated with a BS in biology and a minor in English in spring of 2017. At that time ,she had made a decision to not apply to med school, but to go for her Masters, she wanted the extra push. She reasoned whatever would get her nearer the front of the acceptance line was worth it.

It had been nearly five years since the first time she'd worked with her step Mothers best friend, Dr. Parrish. The internship with the Medical Examiners Office, or just ME, had been a real turning point for her. Of course her Dad had acted like a drama queen, fearful that she would see a dead body, but that was nothing new, he never wanted her to grow-up anyway. But the internship had planted the seeds for her future. She had watched Kate and Dr. Parrish do incredible things together. They were both strong and smart women, making real everyday contributions.

Kate had always said, she had been given a chance to speak for those who had no voice. She spoke for the dead. Still, she often credited Dr. Parrish with coming through with the game changing pieces of the murder puzzle. For Dr. Parrish, the dead were eye-witnesses to the crimes against them. She wanted to do everything possible to let them have the final say and it would be through science. In the lab, the dead could turn the tables on those who stolen from them the gift of life.

Alexis was smart, she knew that, but so were these two women. They had what she wanted, more than smarts, they had great instincts. Honed on the street, hammered out in front of a murder board for Kate, and in the laboratory for Dr. Parrish. She wanted to follow in their foot steps. The ME position would feed her interest in medicine and her hunger for forensic investigation. Apparently she had inherited this inquisitive nature from her dad but clearly her step Mother had rubbed off on her too.

But now she was elated. She had finished the first year of the two-year program. She was nearing the goal. She'd decided to attend summer school, never surrendering her academic edge. But now it was a week away, and her seven-day goal, because she always had goals, was to simply spoil herself before school started again.

The rap on the door was bullet like, she knew, without even answering, it was Sara Friedman, hyper as ever, saying through the door, " Come on Lex! Let's go we're gonna be late!"

"Sara, just gimme a minute." she called back. She wondered why she even agreed to do this. She didn't like clubs, particularly comedy clubs. They all seemed to thrive on bathroom humor and sex jokes. She should have just said no.

As she flung open the door she was greeted by Sara, hands on her hips, furrowed brow, "Lex

don't even think about giving me the, somethings-come-up-at- home-thing," having hitched her voice up an octave she sounded like a five-year old. Before Alexis could speak, Sara's hand swung up and she blurted, "It hasn't, so shut-up, and let's go."

Fifteen minutes later, the gang walked into the small club near the University. There was no one on the stage at the time, it was really only a wide spot without a piece of furniture. The opening was surrounded by small cocktail tables and chairs.

Sara insisted that Alexis had to hear this guy. His name was Jake something. He was a riot. The girls bantered about the final weeks of school and summer plans. After ordering a round of drinks, and just after they were served, a comedian stepped up to the stage and started his act.

He was not what Alexis had expected. She laughed so hard, at one point, her drink had gone up her nose and she thought she'd choke to death. He was telling crazy stories about growing up in one of Brooklyn's Jewish neighborhoods. There were no toilet jokes, just hilarious stories about life as a kid, it could have been any kid, anywhere. He wove the story lines with great humor and wonderful timing. His delivery was perfect. He ended his last story about breaking out a window at school one day, "... so she tells my aunt, the poor 'principal ' doesn't understand genius. They should've put in the right kind of special windows already, it's their fault, not my son's."

The crowd went crazy, the girls hooped and hollered, laughing until the tears were running. Someone said, "Get me help, I need oxygen, quick." They were not alone, the place had filled up just before "Jake" started his set. Obviously his stories reminded everyone there of some event when they were growing up. The laughter was infectious.

After the show Jake stopped at the table with five college girls, "Hey ladies thanks for sit'in. You laughed so hard, I think you fired up the crowd tonight,." adding ,"It's a lot more fun when the place erupts in laughter." He seemed almost embarrassed.

He turned to Sara, "You don't have to do this Sara, I'm going to have to hire you as my agent. You keep bringing in all these new faces." She blossomed into a pale red at the attention, but delighted he remembered her name. "

She introduced her friends, and as she came to Lex, he said, "And who's this quiet red-head?" Everyone laughed again.

"That's Lex, I mean Alexis. We had to drag her away from her studies, she's our resident book-worm." Alexis just smiled.

A s he left their table, he looked back at Sara and said, " thanks."

They stayed for the next show, laughing themselves silly again. Sara, Nikki, Rita and Alexis enjoying this brief moment of silliness after the long hard semester.

Jake finished the act and after wishing the crowd well, stopped and said good night to to Sara and her friends.

**XXX**

A week later the girls were back, sans Alexis. After his first set Jake stopped, said hello to all and asked, "So did I offend the red-head?

"No", Sara replied, "Summer school just started and she's sequestered herself under a pile of books. Like we said, the girl's a book-worm!" Jake laughed.

A few days later Sara ran in to Lex and teased her, "The comedian was looking for the redhead."

"You are such a liar Sara," Alexis taunted her friend.

"Alexis I'm not lying, he really asked if he had offended the redhead. I told him the book-worm thing again."

"Thanks, Sara, you make me sound like a dud!"

"Really, Alexis...you are a dud!"

**XXX**

"Hey Daddy, how are you?"

"So, how is my favorite daughter?" Castle purred back.

"You know Dad, if my baby sister hears that, she's going to be crushed," Alexis scolded her father.

"Alexis you and Anna are my favorites?"

"And what about AJ? What's he chopped liver?" She laughed, waiting for him to shovel his way out of this one.

"AJ... is my man!", butchering his own Castle version of hip slang.

"Dad are they both with you, cause I think I hear, 'your man' giggling."

She then heard her baby brother let out a shriek and heard her Dad trying to cover the phone while telling Anna and A.J. to hush.

"OK, fine, their both with me," he conceded.

"And where's their Mom?" She asked.

"Can't you can feel it?" he shot back.

"Feel what Dad?"

"You know that sense of...safety when she's at work." He paused for the effect, "Like New York is a safer place with your Kate at the helm."

"Dad I keep waiting for the blinders to fall off your eyes," she said laughing in delight, "and may I love someone, the way you love Kate...when I grow up."

"First Alexis your are grown up but, I hope that for you everyday," now sounding very serious. "You know I love you and want the best for you."

"Gee Dad, what happened? From crazy to so serious. Are you having a late mid-life crisis?"

"Late!, cute...funny girl!" and a pause.

"Dad, you still there?"

"Yeah. Alexis I never dreamed I could be so happy... You, Kate, Anna, AJ and Lane have made me"...he went silent for a moment, and then in a low but thick voice whispered, "Life doesn't get any better than this Pumpkin."

They were both quite for a few more beats.

"Hey," his voice chipper and full again, "We're about 15 minutes from you. Any chance, you'd have time for ice cream and a peppering of kisses from your brother and sister?"

"Of course. See you at the usual."

"See you there."

She watched as her Dad unloaded Anna and AJ, from the car seats. Lanie must have been with the sitter. She still thought he was the biggest kid of them all. Anna reminded her so much of Kate, tall for her age and a bit thin but even at five she had the inkling of her Mother's gracefulness.

AJ was built more like his Dad. He laughed like him, or squealed like him was more like it. He could order his father around with just a look. Her Dad and Kate had gone some rounds about him spoiling AJ. He'd hear none of it, he was crazy for their kids and just like with Alexis, he'd made them the center of the universe.

Alexis was surprised that she never felt any jealousy. What struck her was that, by him loving them, his affection for her never diminished, in fact it seemed to grow. Love was infectious for her Dad. It seemed to just bubble over all his kids.

It was so cool having a two sisters and brother. She felt that, of all the gifts ever received, Anna, AJ and Lanie were the best. She would never be alone with these three. It seemed a morose thought to her, but she remembered the times she thought she might lose her Father and it scared her to death. But now she had her sisters and brother to take care, to hold on to. They would always be there for each other. She felt much less alone and vulnerable with her growing family.

And then there was the happiness Kate brought to her Dad. It was undeniable. They had been through some real hard times. At one point, she had even hated Kate for her power over her Father. But once they came to their senses, admitted that they were both crazy for each other and worked out the kinks, both of them blossomed.

Alexis beamed at her little sister, "So what flavor for you Anna?"

"You know sister Alexis."

"Not strawberry again?"

"Uh-Huh," with a big toothless simile.

When the ice cream arrived, everyone dove in.

The banter continued on as Anna nearly finished her bowl, she always ate so neatly.

AJ on the other hand was hitting about a 50/50 ratio. Half in his mouth, the rest on his shirt, pants and the table.

"Dad, Beckett is so going to kill you when she sees AJs' shirt and pants."

"What...sees what?" He hooped, "My man, always dresses fresh for dinner.."

Alexis rolled her eyes.

Her Dad continued, "Thus...she'll never see this confrontation with chocolate ice cream. "

"Daddy," Anna asked quietly, "Are you hiding something from Momma?"

"Anna, my sweet thing, just a little. I don't want her to worry about some dirty clothes so I have your brothers on this little training mission... here at the ice cream shop."

"Daddy, what do you do an a training mission?

"I'm teaching AJ how to eat ice cream and not wear it."

Anna looked a bit perplexed, and then added, "Daddy, if we were at pre-school today, I don't think you or AJ would be getting a star."

He and Alexis laughed at the observation, then he added, "Is she a clone of her Mother or what?"

**XXX**

"So Castle how was Alexis?" His wife asked, tossing her royal blue vest on the bed.

"She's good, wondered how you were doing. I told her the City was safer with you at the helm."

"Really Castle. You still think I'm Wonder Woman don't you"

"Mrs. Castle... you are much more than that. But you are certainly Wonderful Woman and...if I must say... again in all seriousness,...the City is safer with you out there."

"Still on a sugar rush are we?

"It's all true, no sugar rush here." Laughing he pulled her in for a hug. He paused in silence and relished her in his arms.

"Hey", she asked, "Is this a kidnapping or hug? absorbing his embrace.

"I would kidnap you anytime I could get away with it...you know that." Again laughing with delight.

"Maybe I could drag you to the Hampton's... alone...and have my way with you."

"Yeah, the last time we did that..." and she laughed, "His name is AJ."

"So not true!"

"Yeah, Castle, do the math." She laughed again and pushed him back so she could look him in the eyes.

Then she added. "But you know, I enjoy you for both recreation and pro-creation."

"Detective, you talk so nasty for such a beautiful thing." Pulling her back in for more.

"So you do remember I'm a detective?" Stepping away and looking more serious now.

"How could I forget? The gun, the badge, that wonderful glare of yours...you are just so hot."

Placing her hands on her hips and leaning slightly forward, she snarled, "So why does my son have on a second set of clothes?"

"OK, OK , that's just wrong...who ratted me out?"

**XXX**

She just needed a break. When ever they cram a semester into six weeks, life is not fun. The only silver lining was, it was Friday night. She was not going to study, she really wasn't. Maybe she needed to rethink summer school, like if she'd ever do it again. She mumbled something about forget "the edge."

Alexis pushed away the book, grabbed her wallet and left.

As she stared at the door of the club she wondered if Jake would be performing tonight. Stepping in she immediately heard his voice over the sound system. She'd missed his first act, she'd wait for the second.

Finding a table near the back, she ordered a drink, thinking at least it's not my room and there are no books here, thank heavens.

Behind her she heard a voice, "Alexis, is that you?" Jake asked, surprising her.

"Jake, I'm flattered you remembered my name."

"Let me ask a question, do you know how many beautiful red-heads I've seen in here in the last year?"

"Ten?"

"Nope your off by nine...just one. Can I join you for a minute?"

Alexis flushed at his compliment, "Of course, when's your next set?"

"I'm only doing one tonight. There's a new act, and we wanted to give her some Friday night exposure. The crowds are bigger and it gives the new-bees a push. So I offered my second spot."

"That's very nice of you Jake, but aren't comedy acts like all other "show biz" things," adding air quotes, "very competitive?"

He laughed, "Alexis, you didn't think this was my job, did you?"

"Well, sorta."

"I don't know anything about comedy...in fact you're the only comedian I've ever liked." He just smiled, amused at the compliment.

She pressed on, "So what do you do? When you're not here, Jake?"

"I'm a teacher."

"Really, where do teach?"

"BMCC, here in Manhattan, you know below Soho."

"Alexis was intrigued, "How long have you been teaching?"

"I just completed my fourth year."

She smiled and said, "Let me guess your subject," and let out a long 'hummmm.'

Putting her index finger to her lips, she fained sizing him up.

Jake let out a laugh.

"It's gotta be English or literature." She proffered, holding out her hands, palms up.

"Nope, you're gonna have to try a little harder than that." He laughed again, adding, "Let's make this a contest."

"OK, give me rules of the contest?" She asked, having fun for the first time in days.

Folding his arms, like he couldn't lose, "If you don't get it right in the next two guesses, I get to take you to my favorite ice cream place!"

"Deal!" her eyes dancing, she loved games.

"Let me see your hands," she demanded.

"What?" he asked, but held out both hands, which she grabbed and started an inspection.

"My step Mom's a detective, she always taught me to look at the evidence."

"Your hands say you're not a coach, or some type of industrial ed teacher," she mused out loud.

Now a smile painted his face, "Alexis, was that two guesses? And did I just win?"

"No,no, that was one...you know a type, something requiring physical work or teaching a hand activity. You don't have any calluses on these hands," she said, finally letting go.

And then she added, "And how is you buying me ice cream a win for you?

He smiled again, "You worry me, already?" Bursting into laughter as Alexis turned bright red this time.

Letting it go he said, "OK, back to the game. What's your last and final guess?

"Well listening to your stories, you sound like a pretty smart guy...so I'm going with some science, but that's as close as I can get."

**XXX**

Ten minutes later they stepped onto the No.5 subway line heading for mid-town Manhattan.

"Philosophy and Comparative Religious Studies! Jake!" she whined in exasperation, "How would I have ever guessed those subjects?

"Alexis, you were the one saying your step Mom helped you hone your detective skills, you only needed to get one!" Smiling broadly he added, "I hope you like the ice cream."

Ten minutes later, they exited the subway at Grand Central Station. Even at 10:00 PM the place was a mad house.

Jake led Alexis out and onto 43rd Street, they headed west to 5th Avenue. As they rounded 43rd and 5th, they turned south toward 42nd Street.

She wondered where he was taking her, but without worry. Which was not like her.

When they arrived at 5th & 42nd the New York Public Library was across the intersection, beautifully bathed in light.

Jake said, "Lets cross over here and walk back to Bryant Park, it's at the back of the library."

She just smiled. She loved Bryant Park, she was so pleased he had brought her here. He'd be surprised when he found out it was one of her favorite spots on Manhattan.

She and her Dad had come here often. The park owners had worked out a deal with The Americas Building across the street. On top of the high-rise, they had installed a bank of powerful flood lights. The lights lit the park, almost like it was day, but not quite. There was something ethereal about how the light filtered through the trees and created such a special place. The large grass area teemed with people, basking in the cool evening air, all enjoying this enhanced alcove, right in the middle of a bustling city.

He saw her break into a wide smile, "What, he asked?"

"You, didn't tell we were coming to Bryant Park, its one of my favorites." Her eyes danced as she added, "My Dad brought me here all the time. In fact one time he told me, the secret door to Narnia was hidden somewhere here in the park."

"Your Dad sounds like a character."

"If you only knew."

**XXX**

What was that sound? What time was it? She rolled over an looked at the clock, it read 2:15. Who was beating on her door in the middle of the night. But wait, the room was filled with light.

The banging continued as Alexis drug herself out of bed. "Lex, you in there, come on girl, answer the door."

Again! She was going to kill her. Pushing her hair out of her face, she pulled open the door, "Sara, why can't you knock like the rest of the world?

"Whoa, Alexis Castle in bed at two in afternoon! Is it the end of the world? What does this mean girl?."

"I didn't get home until around 3:30 this morning, guess I was tired."

Sara, now walking in circles came to a full stop and with a perplexed look asked, "Lex, what in the world were you doing out until three in the morning?"

"Wait, wait, it's...it's invasion of the body snatchers, you're a clone. The real- I-gotta-be-in-bed-by-11PM -Alexis is dead." Letting out a squeal.

"Something came up...is all."

"No, Lex, I am not buying that crap! So explain! What exactly...came up."

She laughed again, "Do I need call 911 for genetic testing?"

"Shut it, I'm hardly awake."

"Sooooooo ?"

Alexis plopped down on her bed and let her head fall back on her pillow.

"I went to hear Jake last night and we talked for a while."

"Yeah, well what's that got to do with this three am thing?"

"We'll... he gave up one of his sets for a new comedian and had some time free. We had this contest about his job..."

Alexis stopped mid-sentence, "Hey you never told me he's a college instructor."

Sara looked surprised, "He's what? I thought his job was the comedian thing."

"It's not, and I lost the game!"

"Lex, I'm really confused now. What game?"

"I was supposed to guess what he taught at BMCC."

"OK, hold on...Jake the comedian, right... is an instructor at BMCC? You gotta be kidding me."

"No, that's what I said...The game was guessing his teaching subject...or he'd get to take me for ice cream."

"OK, I really am calling the genetic police. You are a clone and the real Alexis is dead.."Sara laughed, throughly enjoying the chance to tease her straight-laced friend.

"Stop, I'm barely awake...so I lost and...he took to me Bryant Park for ice cream and...we talked for...five hours."

"Stop! Stop! Stop!. Backup. You are not going to say we talked for five hours and go on with a story. I need you to fill me in girl. Details."

**XXX**

After a week of mulling her night with Jake and a couple of more visits to the club Alexis decided she needed to talk to someone. It wouldn't be Sara and certainly not her Dad.

"Hey Kate, how are you?

"I'm great Alexis, how are you doing?"

"Just studying away...I'll be so glad when this summer school course ends." She said with a heavy sigh.

"Is everything really OK Lex?" Kate asked with a little concern.

"Yeah it's, good...I just wanted to talk. Do you have time for lunch?"

"Of course I do. Today?"

"If we could."

"OK, how about today at that Sam's Deli, you know the one near the station." Adding, "Or somewhere else if you prefer?"

"Yeah, they have really good food. I ate there often with Lan..Dr. Parrish...that would be great. How about 11:45?"

Then pensively she added, "Are you sure you have time Kate?"

"Yes Alexis. I always have time for you." And added, "Do you want me to call your Dad and see if he can make it?

"No,no... not this time. I'd like it to be just you and me."

Kate ended the conversation with, "I look forward to it, see you at 11:45."

Kate wondered what this was about. But in she was always pleased to hear from Alexis. She was glad they got along so well now. There had been some very tense times between them. She was fiercely defensive of her Dad. The romance between she and Rick had been...the phone on her desk rang and pulling her away from her thoughts. Another body she wondered. Thank heavens, it wasn't and she turned back to the endless pile of paperwork.

"Hey Beckett," Ryan called out, "We're going to grab a bite, you wanta come ?"

"No, you guys go ahead, I've got a lunch date."

"A lunch date? Whoa Momma Castle? Where is he?" Esposito said laughing.

"It's not with him. It's with one our kids." She shot back.

Ryan jumped in, "Tell Alexis to keep studying! The way you and Castle churn out babies, she'll have to support the whole clan."

"Shut up and go eat." Rolling her eyes at the two laughing detectives.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Alexis saw Jacob Bergson each Friday night for the next three weeks. There were also calls and texting on and off during the week. She liked Jake, he was different from anyone she had even met.

She thought about her conversation with Kate, about love and life. She admitted to Kate that she had been taken back by the easy flow in conversation between she and Jake. She was not looking for a relationship. She was certainly not looking for love. After floundering for two years following college she wanted to keep focused. She needed to keep going and get through the process of getting into med school. And then, something jumped into the middle of her plans. Jacob.

Kate had laughed, with dancing eyes. She told Alexis that doing other things, like traveling or spending time with her Mon in LA was not floundering. Nor was her second internship with the ME by any means a waste of time. It was part of the process of life. Alexis smiled back saying it didn't sound so terrible when you put in those terms. She had thanked Kate.

Kate went on and said if she wanted a definition of floundering, it was her and Castle. She mused that they both knew, early on, there was more than police work and research happening between them. Their timing had always been terrible. Yet on other levels, it was almost perfect.

Why couldn't they express their growing affection? Why did they hide from their love for each other? They practically knew what the other one thought. They even knew when the other was about to say something. It was uncanny. It was almost creepy. Like having someone else live in your head. So why did they flounder at love? Could it have taken any longer? They both laughed as Kate recited the litany of missteps.

Then Alexis turned serious again and asked Kate, "Have you ever felt like you've found something you didn't even know you had lost? Like you were looking but you didn't know you were? Does that make any sense?

She remembered Kate's answer, as if she were sitting there with her now. "I know exactly what you mean. It's frightening when you admit that the inkling in your head are not just an idea. Not some fleeting emotion, but it's your heart declaring an undeniable truth."

Alexis was surprised at the response, she had leaned in and starred intently into Kate eyes, asking "What do you mean?

Again, like it was yesterday, "Alexis, do you remember the night I first met you and your Dad?" Alexis had nodded, "Something clicked in me at that very instant. Oh my head and my brain thought your Dad was a playboy jackass. But Alexis, my heart knew otherwise. I tried to ignore it for four long years. I built obstacles. Looked elsewhere, always running from myself and him. Avoiding the place where I knew I should be. Where I had to end up. My heart had been looking for your Dad. It whispered to me on the first night as l tried to go to sleep just hours after that meeting. It repeated the same thing over and over."

Alexis didn't think it was possible, but she sat even straighter, "What Kate?, What did it say?"

Again the twinkle in her eyes, "He's the one, he's the one, Beckett. He's your one and done."

They didn't laugh at those words. This was far to serious a conversation. It was of the matters of the heart and how we know, but fight. Or even if when we suspect, we still keep fighting. It is the letting go of ourself, for something completely different. From self to us. But in the end, if we want happiness, if we want to be whole, we listen to our hearts.

She had confided in Kate that something had clicked for her on the first night with Jacob as they sat in Bryant Park, eating ice cream. It was something in the way he spoke. The way he laughed. She had a wonderful sense of calm with Jacob, but at the same time a very rapid heart rate. While the two responses seemed incompatible they were not. She was very excited, but also relaxed in the knowing that she had found a lost friend, and the reunion has been wonderful.

A few years ago, Alexis had a friend from one of her undergraduate English classes. The friend had told her that from birth, we're on a hunt for the 'one.' She remembered laughing at her friend, suggesting she was a hopeless romantic. Her friend was offended, nearly incensed, and let Alexis know it. She assured her she was dead serious, arguing this was not some romantic fantasy. It was instead everyone's task for life. In fact she believed there was "no life," until you found that person.

She recalled her friends challenging words. They didn't seem so weird, so ridiculous or juvenile. But Alexis Castle knew this for certain, Jacob was "the one."

In the next breath she wondered, " How could this happen to me, now?"

**XXX**

They met on Wednesday evening for coffee. Jake looked tired. But seemed delighted to see her.

"Hey, are you OK", she asked.

"Sure I am, just tired. I've been getting ready for the fall semester. It's a lot of work."

"Why?" she asked, "Aren't all your students new, and you've taught the classes before?"

"They are the same classes and essentially the same material, but I have this rule: I rewrite my class outlines and my notes each year from scratch."

"All over, why Jake? Why not just use the same stuff."

He pause and with a strange of distant look in his eye said, "I could, but that would be cheating."

"How's that cheating Jake?"

"Alexis each year I tell my students in my philosophy classes that the ideas of the great philosophers never grow old. They're always relevant, new, fresh and apply to everyday life."

"So how does last years outline make that any less true for this years students?"

"Alexis, because it won't be new for me"

"If I don't take up these ideas, make them my own, how can I expect them to be excited?"

"My goad is to have the students take these things and live it. They need to see that it's found an application in my life. It can't be from a year ago. It has to be new, alive, like this years summer peaches."

"Does that make sense?"

"Sorta. So you're saying... it has to be new and fresh to you, before you can make it desirable for them."

"Exactly."

"The same principles apply to my comparative religion classes. I have to re-kindle my Jewish faith, always keep the fire going. Not so I can convert my students to Judaism. But they need to see the fire in me for the things of faith."

Alexis frowned, "Wait, wait you lost me."

"Most of my students come from, the half-a-dozen or so religious groups or disciplines of the world. My goal is to show them a zealous Jew, so that they might be zealous Muslims, or Christians or Bhai' i followers, or...".

"My goal in teaching, and in the courses that cover religion, is to direct them to look again at the tenets of what they were taught as kids."

"Why do you want that?"

"Because, Alexis, Socrates was right, the unexamined life isn't worth living."

"We are complex beings. Our culture has drifted away from examination and introspection. Such things were once highly valued. People with who focused on and pursued those traits were sought after. Instead..."

And then he abruptly stopped.

"What Jake, what happen?"

"Alexis...don't let me do that?"

"Do what?" She said smiling.

"You know, get on my education soap box and...start blithering..."

She laughed out loud, smiled, "I love to listen to you...blither!"

"But." she added..."could we get some ice cream too?"

He smiled, stood up extending his hand to assist her. Then bowed slightly, adding "But of course, M'Lady."

**XXX**

She stood before the mirror in a black lace bra and matching delicate underwear, leaning slightly forward as she applied her eyeliner.

He was at the sink next to her, shaving. Both preparing for their night out.

After a pulling the razor down the side of his jaw, he stopped, stepped back and just watched.

She shifted her eyes from the task, and made eye contact with him, "Castle, how bout I kick your butt?"

"Mrs. Castle...so harsh. You know the phrase, mi casa su casa?"

"What?" Again returning to her task.

"You know that phrase in Spanish about my house being your house?

"Rick, I know the phrase...do you want to be late?

"I only wanna be with you, who cares about late? And late for what...I've got everything I need right here in this bathroom, look around Detective." He said smiling.

He spun and pointed, "A tub, lacking only hot water, some oil...and you."

"Is there something more in life?" He asked incredulously.

Ignoring him she asked, "What does that have to do with, mi and su casa?"

"Well since clearly your multilingual. What's Spanish, for your butt is my butt?

"You know, I could kill you?" Smiling at the aging kid in the mirror next to her.

"With those beautiful long fingers? What a way to go Detective...I'm all yours."

"Rick, will you please...focus. Stop staring at my butt and finish shaving."

He sighed deeply, feigning hurt, and returned to his task.

"Hey", she asked, "Do you know where Anna and AJ are?"

He stopped shaving, again. Slowly he reached across to her side and placed his right hand on her left breast.

She stopped, looked down, then looked up at him in the mirror, and with a hint of a smile said, "Surprise me, what are doing?"

"I... my love, am testing the one-minute rule."

"Really, and what 's the, one-minute rule?"

While keeping his hand on her breast he said, "It's simple. You asked were Anna and AJ might be. In order to locate them, all I need to do is put my hand on one of your breasts, or your butt." He paused for the continued contact and effect.

"It also works if I start to unbutton any item of your clothing that may lead to the vicinity of those body parts."

"And, wallah?...the kids will show up, within a minute, or so. Thus the one-minute rule. "

Beckett laughed, "OK, first will you let go of me."

"That might have been easy said than done, you really do feel wonderful...and in order for the rule to work I must keep up contact or..." pointing his land shark look at her.

"What's with the perv-look Castle?" She was interrupted by a pounding on the door, followed by the voice of Martha.

"Hey you guys, AJ is demanding entry into your sanctuary. I can't hold him back any longer!"

He spun and looked into her deep green, laughing eyes, "I should have made a bet with you."

She let out a laugh, "Come to your Momma A.J."

**XXX**

"So what time will work for you guys?" she asked.

"Alexis, anytime after 6:30 is good for us?

Alexis gave uncharacteristic giggled, " I have a favor to ask."

After explaining the plan, and Kate's role in it, they were both laughing in anticipation. Both hoping they could pull it off.

As Alexis started to end the call, "Kate thanks so much, we'll be there Friday and I'll drop by tomorrow evening for a couple of minutes. I want to tell Dad not to dress funny or give Jake the evil eye. Maybe you can help with those things too."

"Lex, do you think he listens to me?

Laughing again she ended the call with, "No probably not, I'll see you tomorrow evening".

**XXX**

"Jacob, it'll be fine, you'll like both of them."

"Alexis, you haven't really said much about home, beside about your little brother and sisters. We've hit a lot subjects but not much about our clans. "

"I know, just hasn't come up...yet."

She smiled, "OK, so why don't you go first?"

"Alexis!, I have two sisters. My Dad always taught me...ladies always before gentlemen."

"Sounds like crock to me! I think once I spill, you'll decide it's time to run,...you know, with the vibrating phone...and gotta go."

He laughed and squeezed her hand,"There's nothing you can say that'll make me run."

"OK...here we go."

"You already know my Dad's a writer, and my Mom's an actress."

"Stop there! I thought your Mom was a cop, it's no wonder your beautiful, and smart." He laughed, "But I'm confused...whose the actress?"

Alexis blossomed in to a full blush at the compliment, "My step Mom is the cop, actually she's a detective for the NYPD. I might add, one of my favorite people."

Jacob smiled and put his elbows on the table, like he was getting ready to take it all in, "Wow, that's something new, you don't hear that about a step Mom's much."

"You'll really like her, and she's a co-conspirator with...us, tricking my Dad. But that's for later."

"OK, my Dad is a writer...a fiction writer. He's had a number of best sellers. His first series was based on a character named Derrick Storm and...".

"Hold it... hold it!" Jake stood up, "Your Dad is Richard Castle?"

"Jake, wait, I told you before he was a writer...and look, you've jumped up and...what's next ...gotta go?"

"No, no...I just didn't put ...you know... I didn't put it together", he said sitting back down.

"OK, if your Dad is Richard Castle, let me ask you something?"

She raised her hand giving him the traffic stop sign, "See, that's why I never tell anyone who my Dad is...but...let me guess"

Now she stood. She cleared her throat, and started with a whiny voice, "Why did he kill off Derrick Storm?"

Jacob laughed so hard he almost slipped off his chair.

"Alexis, you are good! So good. You should've been the comedian, not me."

She laughed at his reaction and beamed.

With a dead serious look he said, "So why did he?

"I knew it! That's all anyone ever wants to know." Now scowling at him.

"Alexis, I just wondered. Please continue,,,tell me about your family."

"OK...but you can ask him on Friday yourself."

Now she switched to an exasperated look, still standing with hands on her hips, "You know what, we might as well finish the jumping up and down thing now! I'm just going to spit it out."

"Spit out what?"

"My step Mom, Kate. She's...she's...Nikki Heat."

"No way! You've...you've gotta...be kidding me!"

Plopping down in her chair, "Trust me, I never kid about those two."

The telling of the family history digressed into the reasons for the main character changes from Derrick to Nikki, besides the obvious, Derrick dead thing.

Alexis told the story of how her Dad had first met Detective Beckett at a book party years ago.

"You talk about a man being smitten. It was embarrassing, even for me at fifteen.'

"Why, what happen?"

"Well, after she dragged him away from the book party he started working with her...well...he really weaseled his way into working with her...by calling the mayor."

"Your Dad knows the mayor?"

"I don't know about the current mayor, but ten years ago, yeah...and they were buddies."

"Anyway, he weaseled in, got the major to let him do some "research" by following Detective Beckett. It was supposed to be good press for the PD and the Mayor liked the idea. She by the way hated him following her, she was not happy." She smiled and let out a laugh thinking about the beginning of the dynamic duo.

She continued, "Next thing we know, he's found both a new character and a muse...which of course, is her."

He eyes danced, "You should've seen her the night she found out he was calling his new character, he had based on her, Nikki Heat...boy... it hit the fan"

"My Grandma kept me away, but I thought she was gonna kill him."

"But, before long they developed this partnership. They solved crimes together, which made the precinct and the Mayor happy. "

Jake jumped in, "So, what happened to the smitten thing.?"

"It was so funny and it was something everyone knew, except for the two of them."

"What's that mean?"

"They started talking at the same time, and you know...completing each others sentences. But the most crazy part was when they'd say the exact same things, in sync. They'd 'build theory' together but it looked and sounded like scripted dialogue in a movie."

"Everyone would just laugh at them."

"But then I as my Dad started to really fall for her and she didn't seem to notice...things got pretty dicey."

"After that she was shot at her bosses funeral..." She was surprised at her own emotions in telling this again. Tears pooled in her eyes.

_She would never forget that day. It was so confusing, so scary. One minute Kate was talking, then she heard a shot, all heads are turning toward the sound and in the next instant, in just the blink of an eye, her Dad was diving on top of Kate but now they're both out of her line of vision. She thought maybe...he'd been shot. _

_Kate wasn't moving when she got to them. Blood everywhere. Suddenly fifty uniforms have their guns drawn, scanning for the shooter, for whoever has done this. _

_Dad is hovering over Kate with a look on his face she'd never seen before. His hands were covered in blood. He was talking to her, pleading._

She heard Jake's voice, "Alexis, are you OK?

Pushing aside her tears, "Jake, it was one of the darkest time I've ever seen in my Dad's life. Thinking to herself, she decided not to talk about the kidnapping today.

"Kate was really hurt. Her recovery was long and hard. To make matters worse, she just went silent and ended all communication with...everyone."

My Dad had spent everyday with her for nearly four years and then, she was gone."

"Devastated does not even begin to describe him. I thought he might just curl up and die."

She was silent again, slipping back.

"Hey Alexis...you in there?"

"Yeah...I just forgot how bad that was, it's been nearly 10 years...but boy it was terrible."

Jake needed no prompting, they needed to shift gear, "OK, tell me about the marriage and your brothers and sisters?"

She seemed relieved to change course, "They got married in 2014, another story I'll skip for now."

"You know a lot about them, Anna was born in December of...let me think...2015, she's almost six, and AJ, in November...2017."

"Lanie, just last year. So they're 5, 3 and 1. "

"You gotta be kidding me! My sister has two under five and she thinks she's gonna go nuts", Jake said laughing.

Alexis smiled and said, "Well there's, never a dull moment at their place."

She folded her hands, looking like a grammar school student, and placed them on the table.

"Now, Mr. Bergson...enough about my family. It's time for ,the "gentleman to spill."

"OK, first let me say I cannot begin to compare with what you've just told me."

"Our family is pretty dull in comparison. My Dad is a wholesaler of flooring products. He's been in business here in New York for 25 years of so. He had always hoped I would join him. But...you know where I ended up.

"Mom and Dad have been married for about 35 years, they really get along great. My Dad is always teasing her that the honeymoon is over, she just tells him, never."

"I have two sister, both married with three kids between them. Hannah the oldest, she has two daughters, they're four and two. I'm the middle and Leah has a son, Caleb , he's just turned one."

"Basically, a pretty typical Brooklyn family."

He was quiet, and just smiled broadly at her.

"What? What's that look for?" She asked.

"We'll we don't have any famous authors. No 'Page Sixers' and certainly no famous detectives."

Alexis smacked his shoulder, "Well Jacob, it's time you come home with me to...what I call the land of the crazies. "

"Friday night...it's dinner at 6:30."

"To the gallows, I go?"

He got smacked again,

"Alexis, so your Dad sounds pretty funny. Is that how you'd describe him?"

"Yeah, he's funny OK. She laughed, "Kate describes him as kid on a sugar rush...but he also protective...maybe I should say...very protective."

"And your taking home a Jewish comedian...I'm a dead man."

"Ah, but let me tell Kate's and my plan...to trick the trickster." She was beaming in glee again.

**AN: Thanks for all your comments and reviews. The goal is still to explain the time travelers comments from Time Will Tell, S6E5. **

**This stories is derived from the genius of Andrew Marlowe and his crew, along with ABC. Looking forward to Season 7.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Alexis knocked on the door to the Soho loft. Kate answered with smile.

"Hey Alexis, what brings you by? I thought it was Friday night you were going to be here." Kate smirked and beamed at her, making sure Castle heard the greeting.

"Hey Kate", giving her a hug. "Just needed to see my little brother and sisters, sweet things that they are."

As she walked in Anna, AJ ran to her. She sweep both in to her arms.

"Hey guys how are my little ones?"

"Sister, I'm not little," Anna retorted.

"No you're not little anymore, but you'll always be my, little one! It's just a sisters telling you she loves you."

Anna pulled her tight for another hug.

AJ said, "Hi big thister Lexthus," the s' in both words heavy on the t side.

"So how was your day, AJ?"

"It was good, but no ice cream like last time. Mommy was mad at Daddy about my thirt and pants."

Alexis looked over AJs shoulder at Kate, who shook her head from side to side.

"AJ, why do you think I was mad at Daddy about your clothes?"

"Daddy said, we were going to have to be more careful on ice cream days cause Mommies a de...de keck teve."

"Do you mean detective, AJ?"

"Yes Momma."

"What does that mean?"

"That I shouldn't get ice cream on things...Daddy says cause you know everything."

"Oh yeah, what else did Daddy tell you?"

"That there are sum things you don't know, not always."

Alexis raised her eyes at Kate and smiled broadly, this was gonna be good.

"Like what sweetie?" Kneeling down before him.

"That you luved him...long time before you even knew."

"AJ why don't you go find Daddy, tell him Momma needs some lovin, OK."

"OK Momma." He ran for their bedroom, yelling, "Daddy, Daddy!

Turning to Alexis, she laughed again, "Your Dad is in so much trouble."

Alexis just smiled, thinking, he's alway in trouble.

"So where's Lanie hiding?"

"She fell asleep on our bed, your Dad was just getting her up."

Anna had returned to the sofa and the book she was looking through. Alexis thought of her as Kate clone, she was so beautiful, so much like her Mother. She wondered how two people could be so similar.

Kate saw Alexis staring at her eldest and said, "Yes, what's on your mind?"

"Kate, she gets bigger every time I see her, and more beautiful, just like you."

A blush spread across her step Mother's cheeks, "Alexis you're crazy, you sound your nut-so Father."

"No Kate, My half-sister and step mother are two of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. It's just a fact."

"I agree with that!" Castle said as he strolled into the room, Lanie on one arm and AJ on the other.

"I'm here for the loving, dick..tec..tive." Nuzzling into the back of Kate's neck, kissing her and laughing.

"Daddy, Daddy, stop kissing Momma...Let me down." AJ squealed.

"Hey Pumpkin, what bring you to our wild little home?"

"I came to see the troops and talk to you, about your behavior."

"What? My behavior? What's this, beat on Rick day?" He laughed, clearly loving the attention.

"I talking about dinner tomorrow night, you know with Jacob."

"No, I don't know? Have I ever..."

"Really Dad!" Do you want me to list the number of friends and potential boyfriends you've scared off." She turned to her step Mom, "Kate help me here."

Kate stepped over and stood beside Alexis, "Castle I'm with her on this one. You need to promise to behave tomorrow.", now wrapping her arm around Alexis.

"You have my word", raising his left hand since Lanie was in his right arm leaning against his shoulder, Binky in mouth and still half asleep.

"Dad! What kind of oath is left handed...whatever. I'm serious."

Kate walked over and took Lanie. "Come on sweetie let Momma hold you."

The one year old wrapped her arms around Kate's neck giving her Mom a hug.

Kate gathered the kids and headed to the kitchen.

Alexis and Castle settled into his office.

"Daddy, please do not embarrass me with Jacob tomorrow night." She pleaded.

"Alexis, you're wounding me with this talk of yours." He responded sounding like the Cheshire cat.

"Dad, I mean it...Jacob is different."

"What my dear child does that" …..he was interpreted by her phone ringing.

Holding up her hand and standing she said, "Just a second, it's Jake."

"Hey, how are you?"

Kate responded, "He's all yours, I'll keep the kids at this end of the house."

Alexis smiling and continued the staged phone call, "I'm over here at my Dad's place, I had to check on...some things."

She covered the phone and said, "Give me just a minute Dad," and stepped just outside his office door.

She spoke clearly but not to loud, she didn't want him to suspect anything.

"You told your parents what?" Sounding a little indignant, into her dead cell phone.

"Without me there?"

"Why Jake?"

She paused, allowing time for someone to speak.

"You know I love you."

"Wait Jake, that's not the issue? We can't afford to do that yet!"

Castle was now sitting straight up, he couldn't leave the desk, but he was straining to hear the conversation. Did she say she loved him or was he just imaging things?

"We've talked about this, I can't afford to move out of the dorm."

Another pause for the pretend conversation to happen.

"Jake you work at a comedy club, you don't exactly make lots of money."

She waited.

"I know tips help, but love won't exactly pay the bills!"

Then she added for effect, "Well it sure won't pay the medical bills."

She huffed and puffed, walked in a circle and said, "Jake I have to go, I'll call you later."

As she returned to her waiting Father she put the phone into her pocket.

She could see he had heard it all, as he pretended to be looking at something on his lap top.

"Everything OK Alexis?"

"Sure, just fine Dad, why?"

"You sounded a bit angry out there?"

"Nope, every thing's good."

Just then Kate came into the office, "Come on Castle the kids are hungry, let's eat."

As they walked toward the kitchen, Kate said "I'll let Alexis out, and check on AJ...he's a bit messy when he eats." She wasn't going to let the ice cream go yet.

They got to the door and both struggled not to laugh. "So, do you think he heard?

Alexis laughed, "Are you kidding, he bought it hook,line and sinker."

Alexis turned and gave Kate a quick hug, "Thanks for helping me on the set-up."

"Anytime."

**XXX**

Later that evening Castle and Kate were reading in bed, he nonchalantly asked, "So, what do you know about this Jacob, Alexis' friend ?"

"Not much. She seems to like him. Why do you ask?" Playing as innocent as possible.

"Just wondering. Do you know where he works?"

"Some comedy club."

"Why do ask?"

"Oh, nothing." His turn to pretend innocence.

"Lots of questions here tonight Mr. Castle, something you want to tell me?"

"No, Kate, I was just wondering...she seems somewhat protective, and...".

"Gee Rick why would she be protective? It not like you've ever been ...a bit crazy around her male friends." Kate poked him in the side and he yelped.

**XXX**

At 6:30 on Friday evening, Alexis knocked on the door and turning to Jake said, "I forgot my key."

The door swung open, her Dad stood just inside, properly dressed..._thank you Kate.._she thought to herself.

Smiling he said," Pumpkin, no key?"

"Sorry Dad, I forget it."

Turning to Jake she said,"Dad, this is Jacob."

"Jake, my Dad, Richard Castle."

Jacob extended his hand, "Mr Castle, it's nice to met you."

"Jacob please call me Rick, welcome and come on in." He stepped back for them enter.

Before the three could say another word, the room exploded with screams of, "Sister."

Jacob saw a thin dark-haired girl come around the corner and head for Alexis.

They both extended their arms and collided into a warm embrace. "Hey, Anna, how is my little sis doing?"

"Good Alexis, I'm glad to see you again."

A second or two later a little boy ran up to Alexis, "Hey AJ, you're looking good, lit'l brother"

"You too big thister."

The three adults looked down at the two little ones. Rick Castle beamed as at his children, Alexis grinned ear to ear. Jacob took in the scene and smiled.

"Jake, this is my sister Anna and my brother AJ."

Alexis and her Dad where surprised when Jacob dropped to his knees and then sat back on his heels. He left his hands in his lap, " Hello Anna, you sister tells me great things about you!"

"Hi AJ, you bigger than I thought you'd be."

AJ came up to Jacob to look him over, but didn't act shy, he asked, "Are you my thisters friend?"

"I'm AJ. Can I tell you a secret?"

Without any urging AJ stepped near and put his ear right up to Jacobs' mouth.

Alexis laughed, while Jake cupped his hand to the little one's ear, " Alexis loves ice cream."

AJ let out a squeal, "Me too, but Daddy gets it all over my clothes"

Castle mussed his hair and said, "AJ, I think you'd get it on your clothes without Daddy's help."

"Uh huh, Mommy says it's you."

"Oh, does she? Where is that Momma of yours?"

"She's in the kitchen, doing dinner. Are you going to go kiss on her to make her be good?"

"And how'd you know that?"

"Mommy says your always kissing on her." He ran off to the kitchen, yelling, "Hide Momma, Daddy's coming to kiss on you." Castle in hot pursuit.

Jake was still on the floor and smiled at Alexis and Anna. "So Anna, do you like ice cream like you big sister?"

"I do, I love strawberry, it's my favorite in the whole world."

"Well do you know what kind your sister likes?"

"She loves vanilla." Looking up at Alexis and smiling.

"Hey Alexis, glad you made it."

Jacob looked up, still kneeling near Anna and saw the grown version of the little girl. A beautiful emerald eyed woman.

He immediately stood, Alexis said, "Jake, this is my step-Mother Kate Beckett."

"Mrs. Beckett, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Please, just Kate," as she smiled and shook his hand.

"Well Jacob, Alexis has told me a lot about you...welcome to our crazy home. I hope the floor was clean?"

"Clean as a whistle!"

Hope you don't mind me crawling around on it, I just like to meet little ones on their level."

"Alexis talks a lot about her sisters and brother. I don't think she's even aware of that, its great to meet them."

"Well", Kate continued our youngest is just getting up from a short nap, she wasn't feeling great this afternoon. Hope a quick snooze will charge her batteries."

Kate was still thinking about this grown man on the floor with her daughter. Anna eyes were bright and smiled warmly at Jacob. Kate suspected there was a lot to this man. She had just seen one of the reasons why Alexis liked him.

Beside Kate, Alexis was thinking along the same lines. He had taken the moment, the first moment to meet her brother and sister and give them his undivided attention. He always gave her his undivided attention.

Kids were just like adults, it was always wonderful to know someone was taking your serious. Anna and AJ seemed pleased. She sure was.

"Jacob can I offer you a cold one?" Her Dad was back, with AJ slung over his shoulder, chatting away and giggling.

"Daddy was kissin on Momma again."

"AJ my boy, your Momma was made for kissin," as he lurched toward Kate.

"Rick! Hey, hands and lips to yourself!" She pushed him away.

"I need to finish getting dinner ready and you need to go cook the burgers, now."

"Fine, but AJ, if she won't let me slobber on her, I'll have to use you as my slobber towel."

AJ squealed again, "Momma, Momma save me from Daddy."

Alexis stepped in pulling AJ into her arms, "Dad, go cook."

She turned to Jake, "Can you supervise him, we don't want the place to burn down?"

Jake laughed, "Rick, can I help?"

**XXX**

The meal was ready and everyone headed for the table. Lanie sat in a high-chair, AJ had a booster. When everyone went to sit they noticed AJ had moved his booster seat.

Rick smiled and looked at him, "Hey buddy, what are you doing down there between your sister and Jacob?

"I need to be here with, Ya cub, he's our guess."

"Do you mean, guest?"

"Yes Daddy our guess."

Kate said, "Well Jake looks like you've found a friend."

Jake smiled, "I've always believed you need all the friends you can get. I'm pleased to have AJ as one."

"Ya cub, do you ike ham..bugers?

Jake put his arm around AJ and said, "They're my favorite AJ, how bout you?"

"Kindu messy...stuff falls out tha bottum."

"I have that problem too."

Plates were passed and burgers placed on buns. Everyone chatting as the plates filled up with the extras.

"Jake, another beer?" Castle asked as he headed to the frig.

"Please, whatever your drinking."

"Anna, AJ. How about if Mom splits a burger between you two?"

"No Momma, I can eat a whole one, just like Ya cub," AJ protested.

"Tell you what, lets start with half. I have another whole other burger it you want seconds."

"Jacob do you like pickles on your burgers?, asked Anna.

"If you promise not to laugh." He answered, Anna sitting forward in her chair, eyes wide.

"My Mom always got mad at me for putting too many pickles on my burgers. The more the merrier to me."

"See Momma, I'm not the only one who's pickle crazy."

Kate rolled her eyes and laughed, "Baby, I never said you were pickle crazy, just that you go over-board a bit."

**XXX**

The kids grew tired of sitting. Letting them loose, the adults cleared the table. Chatter was easy and touched on many topics.

"So Jake," Castle asked, "Alexis tells me you're a comedian?"

"Well to some I am, to others...not always that funny."

"Yeah it must take a lot of courage to stand in front of a crowd and test your material. Scary at times?"

"That would be an understatement. There's not a lot of room to hide on a stage."

"So when the crowd goes still, is that your greatest nightmare?"

"No not at all. It 's when a guy in the back, whose had four too many beers, thinks he's the comedian and starts yelling at me."

"Ouch, that would be ugly." Castle grimaced at the idea.

Castle continued, "I try to lighten the moment when Kate and I are working a homicide but, if it's a bust, they just give me the, you gotta kidding look and walk away."

"But yelling..."

"Those are the moments, when you look back to the decision to become a comedian. You wonder if your three friends were right, when the told you how funny you were, and that you should try stand-up".

"You learn from that misery, though."

"Hey Jake, Dad ", Alexis called from the other room, "Come on in and have some dessert and coffee."

The four adults gather around the table. The house was much quieter with the three kids down.

Alexis looked and Kate and smiled slightly.

Kate passed Castle a piece of cake and cup of coffee. She grabbed his hand as he reached for the coffee and smiled at him. She loved this man, she thought about how busy life had gotten with work, kids and book tours. It bothered her about how they had less and less time for each other.

He smiled back, then pulled her hand up for quick kiss.

"Dad, can you wait til later for that," Alexis chided.

"Alexis my dear, a mere love peck."

He picked up his fork and took a bite of cake.

At that moment Alexis asked, "So Dad, do you think two people could live on a comedians' income?"

Castle startled at the question and not wanting to spit the cake out, began choking.

He reached for his coffee but Kate interceded and handed him a glass of water. He took a gulp, washing down the bite.

When his throat was clear, he looked up at Alexis, still red from choking, and still speechless.

She pressed on, pretending she hadn't noticed his coughing spell. "I just don't think it's possible, not with they way things cost today."

Jake remained silent, letting the Castle women complete their sting.

"Alexis, anything's possible," Kate chimed in.

Castles attention swung to his wife, his face pleading her for help. He still had not uttered a single word.

Jake turned to Alexis, but watching her Dad suffer, could not hold a straight face any longer. She immediately broke into a smile and then started to laugh. Jake followed suit.

With those two laughing, Kate followed.

Castle looked at the three. He thought about the phone call where Alexis let him "over hear" everything, and then it all clicked.

"Funny, funny. You guys have set me up, again," he said.

"Jake your off the hook, as my guest, but these two will have a day of reckoning." They all laughed.

Alexis laughed at her Dad, with glee. She loved to pull his chain.

"Dad, you're so easy."

Kate jumped and causally asked, "So, Jake how are you outlines going for the fall semester,"

"Ah!" turning to Alexis, "she's been telling my secrets?"

"She just said you wanted it to be real for your students."

"It's important to me that it is real. You know fresh, otherwise I'm not doing my job."

"OK, hold it, I'm confused," Castle said interrupting the conversation. "You're a comedian and you outline your..."

Jake responded, "I am a comedian, but only for fun."

My real job is teaching. I have classes this semester in philosophy and comparative religious studies at BMCC. I'm getting ready for my fall classes now. That means there's lots of work to do."

Castle rolled his eyes and looked back and forth between his daughter and wife, "Alexis and Kate you two are just so dead."

Then they all burst into laughter. Kate, putting her index finger to her lips to hush them, "The kids will wake up."

**XXX **

The dinner was finished, Jake and Alexis had said their good-nights.

As Castle and Kate slid into bed, exhausted but still refreshed from good food and good company, he turned and faced her with a broad smile.

"What?"

"Just admiring!"

"Don't you get tired of that?"

"Let me see, he fell back on his pillow and the rolled again to stare at her. "Beautiful, funny, devious, beautiful, sneaker, intelligent, beautiful, hot, wonderful..."

"Enough! Maybe you could show me some affection, instead of talking me to death." She slid close and kissed her way along his chin, finally arriving at his lips.

"Beckett, I forgot another asset... tease."

"Thank you for tonight. I should've guessed you two were setting me, when I overheard Alexis' call to Jake on Wednesday."

Kate let another laugh slip out, eyes dancing as she faced him.

"What,,,oh wait ...that wasn't Jake on the phone...that was you Detective!"

"First of all, I'm no longer a detective, and why would you think that?"

"Once a detective, always a detective...and because you're having too much fun with this."

"We did have fun!"

"You know Alexis has not been happy with herself over the Pi thing. She wanted to have fun but also let you know that Jake is ….well he's no Pi."

"She seems to like him...she seemed very comfortable with him."

Kate was quiet for moment, "I thought so to."

"I think Anna and AJ liked him to," Castle added.

Then turned to face her again, "But...where'd you go for a second there."

"I was thinking about Jake on the floor with Anna and AJ. They seemed so happy to have him sit down with them and just chat and listen."

"What!." she said, "What's so funny?"

"You never say that to me, I'm always happy to be on the floor with you...chat, listen ...and of course play."

She pushed against his chest, "Good night my love."


	8. Chapter 8

**New York City**

**12th Precinct**

**November 2021**

Chapter 8

Beckett was sitting in her office when the call came in from 1PP. She was ordered up town in two hours. No one ever, wanted to hear from them. The attitude on the street was, the less contact you had with One Police Plaza, 1PP, the better, and the longer your career would last.

It had been three years since she was promoted to Captain. She liked the position, it had been modified with approval of the powers from the more traditional Captains role.

Beckett's strength were in investigation, case analysis and theory. She was not fond of statistical record keeping or spreadsheet analysis of the 12th activities. Her heart was in crime solving.

She was offered the Captain position when Captain Victoria Gates was promoted to her current 1PP position. At first she had declined. Her heart was in the field. She along with her team, and her husband had a significant case solving history at the 12th. The cleared case stats were among the highest.

Overtime the team had solved the most difficult of crimes. When she was pressed on a Captains role she conceded, but only after making a counter proposal. It was her husband's idea.

She remembered the conversation, "Beckett you always give me grief about not helping with the paper work. You hate it as much as I do. So don't take a position that makes it worse, don't strap yourself with more."

They agreed after the birth of Katherine Johanna Castle in 2015 that she would give up door-kicking and the bad guy-chasing role. She and Castle had used up the nine lives of more than a few cats between them. Having attempts on her life that included: shootings, drownings, freezings, incinerations, explosions, beatings and the general dangers of a homicide detective, it was time to step back.

Separating the risk from the work was Castles idea. He proposed co-Captains at the 12th. She and her team would lead all the 12th homicide teams and co-ordinate an aid other precincts who requested help. The co-Captain would have to be a person who enjoyed the reporting and statistical end of the job. Beckett would handle the teams at her precinct as well as the advisory team for outside investigations. 1PP had accepted the idea, with some reservations. As usual, some encouragement from the Mayors office helped. This was arranged by an unidentified source.

Heather Giles was her co-Captain. Beckett and Giles worked well together. But more that just working well, they complimented each other. The concerns of 1PP were public relations but there was also a heavy reliance on statistical information. It helped on the PR side and was used extensively through the organization for tracking and solution analysis.

Beckett had no interested in changing her current role, Giles seemed equally happy.

She speed dialed his number, "Hey Castle"

"Beckett, I should be there within an hour or so."

"Change of plans Castle, I just got a call from 1PP, have to be at Oz at 11 this morning."

He huffed, "What's that about?"

"Beats me. I hate going there. Honestly I wish they'd never call."

"Who'd you get the call from ?"

"Gates."

"She didn't give you anything?" He asked.

"Nothing, just said she needed me there at 11 and ended the call."

"Rick, I don't want to go near that place." She paused, "They've left me alone for a long time, I'd hoped it would stay that way."

"Maybe it's nothing?" He said, hoping to encourage her.

"Beckett have you had coffee or anything to eat, yet?"

"Only a cup of coffee."

"You better have something before you go up there."

"I'll try Rick, I have to do something before then."

"Have you spoken to Giles yet?"

"She had something come up, I gave her a buzz, she'll call back as soon as she can."

"We'll don't bring up my name at Oz. I suspect most of those people are hoping I'll get shot or something."

"No they don't," but she laughed at the idea.

"I bet they still have all that paper work from years ago, when I signed all my rights away."

"That City attorney knew I'd sign anything, to be with you. I mean to follow you for ….research."

"Wait a minute, all this time and I thought it was for research! And now a mere Freudian slip lets the cat out of the bag." She teased.

"Yeah! The search and seizure of Kate Beckett."

"At last! What it took... thirteen years for the truth to come out?"

"Let's just say I was multiple tasking in following...hold it Ashley's at the door, I gotta go."

She put down the phone. She was so thankful to just talk with him. His lame digression of following her, worked. Everything was good at home. She felt a little less of her earlier funk.

She had about an hour to do three days of paper work, she'd needed to get to it.

**XXX**

"Captain Beckett, I presume."

She looked up to see her husband standing in the door way of her office. He had a bag and two cups of coffee.

"What are you doing here ?" She asked, genuinely surprised, but happy.

"I wouldn't let you go to Emerald City, as you call it, without breakfast and some coffee."

"Castle I only have 20 minutes before I have to go."

He kicked the door shut, strolled over and put the coffee on her desk. She beamed.

"You didn't have to do this, Rick."

"I'm just sorry I couldn't get here faster."

"As soon I handed the kids off to Ashley, I headed out. Traffic sucks in this city."

"Still I wanted to see you, as well as coffee you up before you had to go."

She offered a soft thanks as she reached across the desk and took his hand.

He beamed back, "For you my love, anything."

**XXX**

1PP was, just 1PP. She didn't even like the smell of the place.

She thought about trips they'd taken, especially to the tropics and how the humid salt air welcomes you to your destination, before anyone can even speak.

This was certainly not Hawaii.

After passing through security she was led to Inspector Gates' office. Kate knocked on the door which stood open, but waited to be invited inside.

"Captain Beckett, please come in." Victoria Gates said as she rose to greet her.

"Sir, nice to see you," she said politely.

"Captain Beckett, you did that very well. Knowing how you admire this facility." The Inspector said with a smile.

"I meant it Sir, it's nice to see you,." Beckett responded with a sheepish smile.

"Tell me, how's my little name sake?"

"Lane Victoria Castle is growing like a weed." Kate's maternal smile taking over her face.

"That's wonderful news. Glad to hear it." She sat down and gestured for Kate to do the same.

"Again, thank you for coming in on such short notice. I've been reviewing your closure stats from the 12th, they continue to be very impressive. The special unit you've developed is work well.

She continued, " What you did as a team of four, you've been able to accomplish with all the teams at the 12th. Good work."

"Thank you sir." It was good to hear from her friend and superior.

"As you know, I'm not the only one reading these statistics. Your success has caught the attention of those who dwell on higher levels in this building. In fact the highest level." She smiled at this reference.

Beckett looked down at her hands and then to her shoes. She could feel it coming. She could feel the noose slipping around her neck and start to pull tight.

She liked her job at the 12th. She and her co-Captain Heather got along well. They complimented each other. What one disliked the other one excelled at and it made it a smooth working organization.

She didn't know where Gates was going, but she was pretty certain she didn't want to go there. If it was just statistics, they could have discussed that over the phone.

"Captain!"

Beckett's head popped up and looked into the serious but smiling face of her superior.

"Why don't you shut the door Captain." It was not a question.

After doing so Beckett returned to her seat and looked at her former boss.

"Kate, this is Victoria talking to you now."

Kate smiled, "Am I safe with Victoria, sir?"

Victoria Gates laughed, Kate thought how pretty she was when she did so.

"No probably not, but 'sir' just left the room. Let's say she had a meeting and this discussion is only between two women who both have daughters."

"I can do that, Victoria"

"Kate there are 77 precincts in the PD. We have almost 35,000 employees and a budget of nearly $5 billion. We 're big but top-heavy with men. It's the nature of the beast. But you and I are the exception. You and I are here because we're good at what we do, in fact better than good."

"In the past we've talked about how we have to always go beyond the demands of the jobs we have. We've been accepted and promoted based on our merits. Our hard work."

"You have done something in the homicide unit of the 12th that needs to happen in every precinct in the city. The 12th is a fraction of the solution, we need your results to happen over and over, across this force."

"The powers want you to duplicate the success beyond your current base. They think your approach is special.

"Sir, Victoria...I appreciate the positive feed back for our work, but you know, it's the team. We're applying the things we were taught as detectives. Do the hard work, the tedious work, and either follow or make leads by persistence. From there we develop theory."

She paused, " You know our team is special. We banter, argue and come-up with wild theories and at some point, end up at finding a string, a lead and then act on it ...we just dig and dig."

"Kate, that's true. There's no question about the power of a group who work better together than they ever could alone. You, Ryan , Esposito and your husband made-up a very effective team. You've been able to duplicate it with your special unit. But, the key to your team and now your special unit has always come down to one thing, it's you Kate."

"But we're straying here. As your superior I could have had this conversation with you. But as mother to mother, we can make a difference for our daughters. We're required to leave the safety and even comfort or our secure and well working jobs. I know you're happy with what's happening things at the 12th. But you have an opportunity to make a greater contribution."

Kate remained silence, mulling the arguments and the likely ending to this plea.

"Kate, I would never make light of your past. I would never over reach. So let me say first, you can decline our proposal. But before you say no, talk to your team, talk with Mr. Castle and then decide after that." She waited, but Beckett remained silent.

"But here is a thought, about you and your past and your future...this is about the Beckett women, and the Beckett-Castle women. You give voice to all of them. You have the chance to make it better for all women, not just our daughters. Before I'm your superior and ask you to consider the proposal, I needed to talk to you as Mom."

**XXX**

An hour later Captain Beckett was on her way back to the precinct. She had a driver today so she called her husband.

He picked up on the third ring, " This is the husband of Wonder Woman, can I help you?"

She laughed, "Castle, have I told you how full of it your are...and how much I love you?

"You hit on both those topics often." He teased.

"So, how did it go?"

"I don't know...they want me at 1PP..actually they want us."

"Us! What? Gates wants...us, not just you at 1PP?

"It's a long story, I'm just pulling up to the 12th, but I wanted to...to hear your voice for a moment."

"You, know," she heard him breath deeply, "you kill me when you say things like that Beckett."

"I'll be home by six and I'll give you the scoop then. Love ya, later." She ended the call.

**XXX**

It was shortly after 9:00, all three kids you in bed. They were lounging in the office. Kate had given him an outline of the proposal of Gates and the team at 1PP. They wanted to duplicate the 12th's success by creating a task force for oversight and assistance.

Beckett's concern was the reception of such a group with the numerous precincts. They could end up as a mini-FBI and add a layer of intrusion no good detective would want near any investigation.

"Kate, I think the intrusion factor can be dialed down. It can be worked out so the 'task force' is seen as an asset that's there to really assist an investigation. "

"I agree, but detectives are very territorial and intrusion can break the rhythm of them working through the evidence. It's really delicate and requires honoring of other peoples' space."

"You know about intruders, I still believe you wanted me with you from day one, I could..."

She interpreted, "The only thing I wanted from day one, was you gone. You were exactly what all detectives don't want!"

"You wound, yet again." He laughed at her.

"I think it was your sexual urges that confused you in the early days" He said smiling.

"My what urges? She stood and walked over the him, then pushed his feet off his desk.

Reaching for her, he laughed again, "Your repressed need for me, just confused you."

She plopped down into his lap. " I have never been repressed in my life. But oppressed by interlopers, in the guise of research...certainly...repressed, never."

Wrapping his arms around her, "Can I tell you something, and will you hear me out to the end."

She pulled back and looked at him, "What is suddenly so serious to you?

"Go back to the sofa, let me give you a...rather new theory...about you and life."

She returned and sat, pulling her legs up to her chest and resting her chin on her knees. She smiled and added, "I'm all yours."

"Before I start...I'm so glad...you're all mine."

**XXX**

"I've had lunch with Jake a couple times over the last few weeks. He's had a gap in his schedule and BMCC is close."

"Why didn't you tell me you were meeting.?" She asked.

"It was spontaneous and every time I was going to mention it, something interrupted us. It's pretty hectic around here."

"Anyway, I was reading one of _Bourne's _books. Jake and I discussed the premise because its origin is from the mystical writings of the _Kabbalah._"

"Wow, sounds like a light lunch discussion," She said teasing him.

"Hush, let me tell this. "

"The book tells a story of a group of people who don't know each other. But collectively, by their actions, they help maintain order in the world. The _Kabbalah_ calls it their righteous acts. But in _Bourne's_ story one of these in the group, is a pimp. The point is, it's their actions and not who they are that makes them special. Does that make sense?"

She shook her head, "Not really."

"It's based on the premise that there are people who are wholly different from everyone one else. People who live, walk to the beat of another. These people are separated from the masses. They really do hear a different drummer. They move against the current."

"I don't want you to think I crazy, but in my mind there are clear, bright-line examples of when you have acted different, outside the normal pale, from the rest of the crowd."

"Castle..."

"Wait, let me finish! The things that stick out in my mind, unfortunately they involve the dark interiors of your heart."

They were both silence, each knowing where he was going.

"After Royce was killed and you chased the creep under the bridge in LA, you had a clear shot, a fair shot at a fleeing murderer...but you let the law and the courts dish out his punishment. You refused to take him down."

"I couldn't believe your restraint, that guy was just trash..."

"Castle"...she pause for a long time, "you don't know how close I came to taking him out."

"But Kate...you didn't!

"Your core, held you in place. It made you do the right thing."

"No one would've faulted you for taking him down. But you couldn't do that...it's not who are!"

He pressed on, not wanting her to respond, yet.

"Do you remember the take down after our first kiss, the undercover one?" She laughed, "When Lockwood tried to shoot you and I jumped him and beat him until your voice stopped me?

"I didn't stop you."

"Yeah, you did! Once I had him down, my goal was simple. Kill him."

"Somewhere between your voice and my aching fist, I stopped."

Now he was silent as he mulled this moment of their history, "In that instant, there was a lesson there for me." But he went silent again.

"What Rick, What was the lesson?"

"I would kill for you."

After yet another pause, " There was nothing to stop me. It was simple. The law of the jungle...eye for eye. He was attempting to kill you. But I ….I would kill him first."

"Beckett, I'm a writer. But when faced with the threat of harm to you...it unleashed an animal in me. I just wanted to kill."

She laughed, stood up and walked over to his chair. She placed her arms around his shoulder, kissed the top of his head. "Thank you my love. Your wrong, you're not a killer, you're a good man."

She then added, "Lets move this to the kitchen, I need some tea."

**XXX**

As they prepared tea, he was momentarily lost in the liquid and steam.

"Hey, earth to Castle, come back to me," She teased.

Without preamble, "Later, after you followed all the leads and ended up at Bracken's door, you waited...it was painful to watch...but you waited."

"I just wanted that to end, to pull you of that world...to make you safe...but they only way to do that was to get it done...I knew it had to be finished...you had to be finished with him."

"The morning you confronted him, I thought you might take him out, but you didn't."

"Castle, you really thought I would take out a US Senator?"

"Kate, looking back now, no!

"But then, you had a decade of angry built-up in you, I didn't know what you would do. But I was scared."

"Not for Bracken, but...you know what I was thinking that day, while we looked for you?"

"Tell me," she said, walking around the counter and placing her hands on his shoulders.

"If you did kill him, if you went to prison, how could I get in...how could I be there with you?

"I had waited to long for you. I wouldn't let them take you from me...not for killing, not for taking our their trash."

She moved closer, leaned in and wrapped her arms around him tight, "My oh my, you were on the scorched earth mode the...and all this time I thought I married a meek and mild-mannered writer..."

He turned towards her, freed his arms and pulled her in. She found herself tight against his chest, he embraced her and rocked gently from side to side.

"But you see Kate. There's a big difference between you and me. You do things for the good of the people of this city. Your duty is always about them, and what's right."

"I do not have that high moral ground. I do things for you, for our kids. And you do too, but on a much different plane."

"I'm willing to do anything to protect you. I don't care about justice or right or wrong. I want you guys safe. If someone threatens your safety there are no limits to what I would do."

"Rick, everyone feels that way about their loved ones."

"Not, you!"

"What do you mean, not me?"

"Kate, you place the...the higher good above your own interests, maybe even ours...you're restrained by your call, by that voice in your head."

She stood back, "You don't think I would take someone out who broke in here and tried to harm you, or the kids or Alexis?"

"I do think you would protect us, but I don't think you would protect yourself...for even us."

"It's that thing, that makes loving you so risky."

They had pulled back from each other and he was looking down at his cup again, "It terrifies me that you would lay down your life for the higher good. Because...", his voice was low and thick, "I don't see a higher good other than you or the kids."

"Rick, I'm not in harm's way, I'm safe. I won't do anything stupid."

"Kate, oh Kate, I wish I could believe that, but your calling is too much, its too in your head."

"Do you remember the bombing attempt on Bracken?"

Now she was silent.

"I'll take that as a yes." After it was clear she was with him.

"You were willing to die, to save that scum bag for the higher good. Because it was your job...to protect and serve."

"Castle," she said softly, "it is my job."

"Kate you are worth, a thousand Brackens, and yet you took the risk. No doubt you remember the fights after that night. "

"I do."

"All this history leads me...to my point."

He stood and walked to the sink to rinse his mug.

"The idea of the people, this group of thirty-six who keep the world from destruction, is based on religious teachings and ideas. But I've given it a lot of thought..."

"What thirty-six people? What are you taking about?

The_ Kabbalah's_ teaching on the lamidvavnick. They believe there are always thirty-six righteous people alive who hold back chaos and..."

"Castle, this is beyond the NSA, CIA...you name em'. This is way beyond your previous crazy theories," She laughed just thinking about the list, "Tell me my husband is not turning into a philosopher or theologian."

He laughed, "It's Jake's fault!"

Then back to serious, he said, "But Kate, I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out."

"I think the reason 1PP wants you, is because...you're not one of us Kate."

"You think you married an alien?" She teased.

"Please, stop, let me get this out." This time with exasperation in his voice.

She knew he wasn't kidding or being crazy, he had thought this through.

"I think you're separate from us. You see things differently. You hear a melody that we can't. You strive when others wouldn't bother."

"It's not like you picked this path. It picked you. There was some exchange, the universe strives for balance, so it had to compensate you for the loss of your Mother...I have no idea. And yeah, now I sound crazy... but you're...just different from us...and we don't get it."

" You can't help but follow the path, you are compelled. Even for scum, you must have justice."

"Castle..." but he held up his hand.

"So no, your husband is not becoming a theologian, or philosopher. It is just that the lamidvivnick idea resonances in me, for you."

Now she smiled, let me guess " Saint Beckett..the patron saint of..."

"I don't see you as a saint. But I do think you are unique and you can't hide, it seeps out in your work. Those around you know it, even if you don't."

To then you're lamidvavnick, or some variation on the idea. The world is impacted by your call to order and justice. It is made safer by your presence. They have no idea...they'd never use that word..."

"Long after you and I are gone, there will be others, but for now...it's you. And for now PP1 needs...what did you call yourself...the patron saint of...

"Shut up my love...it's late lets get to bed," as she tugged him toward their room.

**XXX**

They had brushed their teeth, pulled on their sleeping togs and settled down for the night. She scooted in under his arm and laid her head against his chest, he was asleep before she even got comfortable.

She moved back to her side of the bed and hoped for sleep. It wasn't happening.

She would never forget the car bomb and saving Bracken's life. Looking back now it had worked out. But her friends and husband had been so angry with her. Lanie had been in tears, which was unusual for her. Esposito was livid and Ryan seemed, offended by her actions. But she had never seen Castle in such a state.

After the smoke settled and the arrest were made the forensic team dove into the scene.

Senator Bracken was taken to a nearby hospital, checked and released.

_When she returned to the 12th, it was like walking into a freezer. She made her way to her desk, Castle was sitting in 'his' chair just staring into nowhere. His hands were pulling at the arms rests, she thought he was going to pull one off. _

"_Hey, Castle, you OK?"_

_He looked up at her, and she thought, 'oh, oh', this is not going to be easy. _

_Before they could say another word Lanie walked up to Esposito and just pointed at one of the empty offices. She made her way to it. _

"_Beckett, we need to talk! In there." She had never heard his voice so taunt, so cold and flat. He was pointing at the office Lanie had just walked into. _

_She thought better than responding, and stood up._

"_Castle, you coming?"_

"_Not this time," was all he said and headed for the break-room._

_It was an inquisition. Her three friends stood in a semi-circle and just glared at her. _

"_What's this about guys?" She asked, but had a good idea._

_Lanie spoke first, or tried, " Kate...damn you Kate. I'll give you all sorts of crap about landing on my table, but tonight you came so close...:_

_Lanie stopped and just looked at the friend, but said nothing, the tears just flowed down her cheeks. _

_Esposito stepped over and put his arm around Lanie, she folded up against him and cried. _

"_Beckett"...he stammered, "you're part of this team...how could you do that...how could you save that piece of trash?"_

"_Castle is always bantering about the universe...and it...and it handed the killer of your Mother to you...on a platter...and you saved him. Why?"_

"_Espo"...she started._

"_No, we get the...it's our duty thing. But we all know we can't get this guy fair and square. He's greased too many palms, maybe all the way to the White House" _

"_We're powerless here, Beckett...powerless."_

"_We don't know that we can't get him...just not yet." She argued back at him. _

"_Fine...fine, but that's not what this is about...and you know it."_

"_If I saw Bracken, about to be run over by a bus, I wouldn't raise a finger Beckett."_

"_But you...you ran into the street and were almost killed by the bus tonight. You were so close to being blown to bits..."_

"_OK, maybe we can't get him...but Kate...do we have to ante you up for him?"_

"_Espo, I...," she didn't get out another word. _

"_No, let me tell the answer...its hell no!...do you hear me, and taking a step near, he yelled, it's hell no Beckett." _

"_There's a reason Lanie is sobbing here...it's because she's just so angry at the idea of you wasting your life for someone like Bracken...that she can't..." _

"_Guys, I was not trying to be brave or out of control, I just acted on my gut...it's what we're trained to do."_

_Ryan spoke for the first time, "Beckett, you are great on the shooting range and in competitions. You think fast, you're quick on your feet...so why couldn't you do that tonight? Why couldn't you think about us...about Castle before you run...at a live bomb?"_

"_Ryan, I can't believe we're having this conversation, you're suggesting...I think about my safety in that type of situation? What kind of cop would I be with those rules?"_

"_No, I'm not suggesting that..."._

"_Well, it sure sounds like that from over here!" She was getting angry. _

"_This was different...it was him!...and you for him is never a fair exchange...this was different and you know it."_

"_I promised him Ryan, yeah I promised that scum bag we'd do everything necessary to protect him, I gave him my word, I gave our word." Extending her arms to include them. _

"_I get that...but it didn't include dying!"_

"_That was never my intent...and you three know it." _

_Esposito looked up, Lanie had stopped crying and just stared at the floor. _

"_We're not happy Beckett, it was just too….damn ...close. You should've been careful."_

"_But that's not your biggest problem tonight, it's over in the break-room." He turned pointing to Castle. _

"_I think writer-boy has broken at least two chairs in there. You better get in there before he destroys the room." _

_She walked out of the small office without another word. _

_She considered the roasting the easy part of the evening, Castle was going to be much harder. She knew she had done the right thing with Bracken. She didn't like it any more than they did. But it was what she'd signed up for, and they knew it." _

_She opened the door quietly. He was standing facing the wall. His hands above his head, like he was stretching for run, head facing the ground. There were two broken chairs in the room. She had no idea how they ended up in so many pieces. _

"_Rick...", she was almost whispering. _

_He turned, his eyes were red and angry. _

"_Why Kate? Why...and for him...for Bracken?"_

"_Castle, it's not like that!"_

"_Let me tell you what it's like!"_

"_I see you running down the sidewalk towards that murdering loser."_

"_Suddenly the world shakes...a thundering explosion...ringing ears...and then a cloud of smoke...and just silence." _

"_Into that chaos, the woman I love has just run...on her sleeve is my heart...she takes it everywhere she goes...but today she's running towards a bomb...to save the killer of her mother...and for a minute...I know she's gone...I've lost her...Bracken has taken both mother and daughter..."._

"_Rick, I'm here...I'm OK." _

"_But Kate...I'm not..."_

"_I'm dying over and over again...because...my heart thinks you died tonight."_

"_Rick I'm here.."_

"_You know that's my job...we've talked about the risks...come on Rick, we've nearly died because of those risks, together. So why is this different?"_

_He knew, she knew exactly why it was different. This was Bracken. To him Bracken was exempt from the rules. He had flaunted rules his whole life. But in no universe, was his life anywhere near the value of hers. _

_He spoke, trying to restrain his frustration and anger, " If it's your job, then why were those three," turning and pointing to the office she just walked out of, "screaming at you?"_

_She stayed silent, the odds had just shifted to four against one. _

"_OK, Kate...lets assume I'm too emotionally involved..."_

"_But tell me. What's with your cop team in there? What's their excuse?"_

"_Rick..it's...my...job. It's who I am...you know that."_

_Now gritting and talking, "Kate, I'm crazed right now. I'm beyond angry, I can only see red."_

_He said nothing for a whole minute, just walked in circles in front of her._

_Finally he stopped, looked up at her, "I'm going home, I'll see you later." _

_She watched as he made his way to the elevator, never looking back. And then he was gone. Her heart sank, the day was not about hurting him. She thought, or hoped that he would be okay once he got home. She returned to her desk. _

"_Yo Beckett, you fix writer-boy?"_

_Not even looking she said, "Espo, he'll be fine, just drop it."_

_He just shook his head, "I'm going home."_

_Two hours later she arrived at the loft. As she opened the door she was hit with the aroma of garlic, cooked onions and some spices. The table was set f or two. Fresh bread lay on a cutting board with a knife and butter next to it. The makings of a salad were in a large wood bowl. Pasta was boiling in a large pot on the range._

_Castle was sitting on the sofa and looked up at her. His face calm again, he asked, 'Hey, you hungry?" _

"_Yeah, I'm famished," she answered cautiously. _

_He walked towards her, "Anything happen at work today?_

"_Not much." looking into this blue eyes, now just inches away._

_He wrapped her in a hug, squeezed tighter than usual. They basked in each others embrace, she was lover again, not cop. _

_After a minute, he stepped back, kissed her lightly, "Let's eat."_

She was still staring at the ceiling, listened to his light breathing, what would she do with this man and his wild ideas? Then sleep overtook her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Washington DC**

**Winter 2025**

Chapter 9

Friday, the last day, of one of the worst weeks of her life. Senator Beckett had just been informed the limousine had arrived and was ready to take her to the airport. Her plane was due in twenty minutes.

She walked to the curb, her driver Ray was waiting, the rear door open for her, "Good afternoon Senator."

"Good afternoon Ray, thank you for giving me a ride."

"You're welcome Senator," he replied with a smile.

They both knew it was all arranged, but she appreciated the friendly face and his discreet manner.

As they sped toward the arriving plane she thought back to her last ride in this car, taking Castle to the airport after the news conference.

The short ride had been awkward. She has been buoyed in that dark day by his support, his protection of her. He was quiet during the drive, just stared sullenly ahead saying nothing at first.

Before they left her office, he had told her he needed to return to be with the kids. While it was doubtful anyone would go to the loft, he wanted to be there just in case. She agreed.

AJ and Lanie were oblivious to all that was happening, Anna was not. He needed to get back for her. Their eldest, his baby Kate.

She looked over at Castle as they made their way, she thought about his presence, just having him beside her during the conference. The support and strong arm around her shoulder as they left behind the hoard of reporters.

She remember his sustaining embrace in the passage way. She thought she would collapse, but without a word, at the exact moment she doubted she could even take another step, he had stopped and folded her into his arms. It had breathed life and strength back into her.

She had thanked him for being there, for his protection, but she was afraid to even look in his direction.

She remembered him stirring, but she did not lift her head.

Then she felt his hand come to rest on her arm, and he had said, "Kate, I promised you years ago"...his voice had faltered, and then, "I promised...I would always be there for you."

Then the words that hit her like a dagger, "Always, is always for me Kate."

She could not hold back the tears, suddenly she was flooding, as they began dropping off her chin.

Then he slide near her, put his handkerchief to her chin and dried her tears.

How could such a simple act mean so much. Her eyes began to water just thinking of it. She wanted not to cry this day. She felt like she had used up all her tears, for life time.

He had told her that during the conference, when the press went on attack mode, he could not take, it. He said, "I could not stomach those pompous asses laying into you."

"I found myself...I knew rage was taking over...and I did not want to punch someone out. But I wasn't sure I could stop myself."

"My only thought was to get between you and them."

When he went silent, she had laid her head on his shoulder and pulled up his hand, clutching it against her chest. She was drowning, she knew he alone could grant her any respite.

The had not spoken again for the rest of the drive.

When the limo pulled into the parking area near the plane, Ray had turned of the car and gave them a few minutes alone.

She knew he was about to leave and when the car door closed she became immediately anxious. It would be only minutes until he left, she was not ready for that yet.

She moved her arms up and around his neck and began to shake, the tears returning.

He soothed her, repeating her name, laying his hand against her head.

He had asked if he should stay for another day. She had stopped crying, told him she would like him to, but he needed to return, for Anna. She reminded him, "she'll be waiting for you, she's your girl, and she needs you...needs to be under her Daddy's wings."

She was so exhausted she almost had fallen asleep just sitting there. She rallied and thanked him again.

As he left the car, he kissed the top of her head. She held on to his coat sleeve until he was out of reach.

And then she was alone. She did not consider herself a crier, but today had proven that wrong. Once he was gone, the comforting environment of the limousine became cold and empty, a void without his presence. She has whispered, "My love...my love..." Over and over, a mantra of hope for her.

The ride back to the office was terrible. She wondered if she would die. The tears gushed with Rick out of the car, she had struggled to catch her breath.

She had upset Ray and when at one point she moaned so loudly, he asked if they needed to stop. She told him no.

She blinked and she was back at the airport, the plane was here for her. As the limo pulled up next to the jet, reality flooded in. It was time to go home. Time to face her family. She dreaded seeing Martha, Alexis and Jake, for she had hurt them as well as Castle.

**XXX**

After making the arrangements for Kate's return he sat down and poured two fingers of MacCallan. It had only been three days since he had seen her, other than on the news. They had not spoken but there had been text messages about the kids. But nothing about them.

He reflected back to Tuesday, she had seemed so small, so broken and vulnerable on the ride from her office to the plane. He told her she didn't have to make the trip, she insisted. He was hurting, his emotions has been all over the place. But he could not watch her wounded or at risk, it was beyond his ability to tolerate. He had always been compelled to comfort her, to hold her in her time of need.

As the M2 accelerated down the run-way he looked back as the ground slipped away. He didn't recall the airport, city or the famous moments, he had been fixed on the black limousine. He knew that all he was, all he ever wanted to be, was tied to the woman in that car. His heart literally ached within his chest.

In the time it took to start the plane, taxi and take off, he found himself languishing in the void of her absence.

He reconsidered the day and the damn press. The Washington vultures who had tried to attack his wife. His anger and rage had been boiling just below the surface since then. He was so mad at them. How could they dare to do her harm. He wanted to strike back, to hit someone, something. He had just wanted to unleash this rage. He needed to let it go.

But he knew the rage had been misdirected, the press was not the real source of anger, it was her.

In the next moment he gasped, as his volatile feelings had been replaced with a burning in his chest. He gasped, gritted his teeth and clung to the arm rests, swearing to himself.

For a time he wondered if he was having a heart attack but then felt himself began to shake. The eruption of tears was quick and he heard himself sob. Once started, he had been unable to stop the flow. He'd given Kate his handkerchief earlier, but it would not have helped. His nose ran, his cheeks had been flooded in agony.

He mumbled her name, asking, "Why my love...why?"

Then next thing he recalled from the flight home was the pilot announcing their arrival in ten minutes.

He had tried to repair his face at the small sink. The wet paper towels had at least cooled the burning, soothed his raw nose.

Just before they landed, the airport and city had come into sight and he had realized how exhausted he was, how the time with Kate had drained him.

His mind had stumbled over her name. His instinct has been to grab his phone, to call her. She'd know what to do. She'd know the way out of this.

And then the crushing reality of their situation struck him. Realization that he could not call. That she could not help. The weight of just how alone he was, was overwhelming. He wanted cry out, to scream over their circumstances. Even before he could think, his dried face was again flooded with tears.

The cycle of weeping and sobbing began again. As the tires squealed on touch-down he knew he was home, but so terribly alone. It was not the distance in miles that separated them, it was the chasm she had created. He wondered, on that dark Tuesday night how he could survive without her.

**XXX**

She was alone in the plane as it whisked her to New York. Her greatest fear was for him. She'd betrayed him for reasons she didn't really understand. Its was the worst betrayal, one she had never seen fixed. One she could not believe she had participated in.

In her fear of hurting him more, and her desperation to never cause such harm again, she'd contacted the attorney. She wasn't sure what to do, what it would accomplish, she didn't have a clear plan yet. But she knew she had to do something to protect them, from her. She was the weak link, she was the threat, she could not leave things to fate.

Her other fear, was him knowing. He'd always been able to read her. He seemed to know her thoughts and while she tried to figure things out, what was best to do, she feared he would sense her desperation while groping for an answer. She didn't know where to turn. She didn't want to harm him anymore.

The answer that struck her, was not an answer at all. It only reminded her of her terrible circumstances. What she needed, was the only person she could trust. The only person who had her back for years, the one who had saved her life, she needed Castle.

She was nearly home, glad to be out of DC. The apartment was cold and empty. She hated it, she hated the solitude. That fact surprised her. Before Castle she had relished the years of life on her own terms. She now considered those years her personal dark ages.

Her life had blossomed, she had a husband , children, their flesh and blood.

Early in the week she had awaken in the middle of the night by a pressure on her chest. She had awoken panicked and could not breathe. She had slipped to the floor, head between her knees, gasping for breath.

She knew what it was, an old demon, panic attacks. She had them after the the sniper shooting. There had been even more after the near drowning.

She knew the symptoms, the racing heart, pounding chest and shortness of breath. None of it was new, it was always the same, sheer terror.

Before the mess, she would have held on to him. His presence always calmed her. He didn't even need to be awake. She would ride out the attack in the dark, clutching his arm or hand. .

He had surprised her a number times. He seemed to have a sense of her stress. He would unexplainably wake-up and talk to her.

When she was away, if it happened she would text him, he'd respond. He had turned into a light sleeper, a vibrating phone would wake him, the product of the kids who had stolen the gift of deep sleep, from both of them.

But this week there were no text messages. She reminded herself that she'd given up her right to his midnight rescues. She'd betrayed the best thing in her life.

It had been months since she'd had a clear head. But now, looking back over the last year, it was as though she'd been living in a cloud, a personal fog, her own inferno like illusion. It had taken her to places she thought impossible.

**XXX**

New Yorks skyline stretched out beautiful and bright. It was always a welcome sight, but tonight even its beauty seemed to lack the normal luster.

She determined she would use the ride to Soho to calm herself and be ready, for whatever happen. This would be their first encounter since the events of Tuesday.

As the plane pulled to a stop, she realized she would not have to time to ready herself, Rick stood beside the family Yukon, waiting for her.

**XXX**

"Hey Beckett, ride OK." Giving her a show like hug, but without his heart in it.

"It was fine," she responded.

"Why didn't you just send the car, or call. I could've gotten a ride."

"I wanted to pick-you up myself, give us some time alone." He said nothing more until her bag was in the back and they headed out of the airport.

The talk was light, about school for AJ and how little Lanie was doing. Then he turned to their eldest.

Anna was ten years old. The private school she attended was for grades K-8, which meant although she was only ten, there were students as old as thirteen. The school was somewhat exclusive, but like every school there was always gossip. This week the buzz was about Beckett.

"My Mother had a talk with Anna yesterday. She told Mom that some of the older girls at school had taunted her, saying " You're Mother's a slut, or a variations on that theme."

"Anna asked her Grandma why they would say those things."

"What did your Mom say?" Kate asked tentatively, hoping Martha helped diffuse it some.

"She did the diva thing, told hr it was just girls being girls and they were probably just jealous because her Mom was a Senator."

"Did she accept that?"

"Mom said she seemed OK, but told me we should expect it to come-up."

"I didn't want it to blind-sided you", his tone remained neutral.

"Thank you Rick." Reaching out to touch his arm. He did not respond.

The subject changed to his next book tour and the scheduling issue.

"Do you know the number of days and general dates yet?" She asked.

"No, we're looking at March or April, it just depends on us."

And there it was, the million dollar word, 'us.'

She was quiet for a few seconds, "We need to talk about us."

For the first time in the drive he turned and looked at her, he saw tears coursing down her cheeks. He reached into his coat pocket and handed her his handkerchief.

She dabbed at her eyes and face, "Thank you."

"We do, but not right now." He said.

"Our three kids need to see their Mom. We can talk later."

"I look terrible, the poor things will be scared when they see me."

"Never Beckett, they need your arms, hugs and kisses. They can hardly wait."

**XXX**

The greeting was normal. Raucous and nearly dangerous due to the failing arms and legs.

She hugged them fervently, almost clinging. She had missed them so.

Again the banter was roar like, with all three trying to talk over each other. Trying to tell Mom a story about the week. She saw something in Anna's look that alarmed her, but let it pass, for now.

As was the custom Rick stood near, beaming, at the happy reunion. It was one of his favorite scenes each week. Mom coming home to her hoard. They had laughed about it many times over the last several months.

Shortly after their arrival the door bell rang. She didn't need to even ask. Friday night, babes in arms, it could only be pizza time.

More squealing, more chatter, now mixed with mouthfuls of pizza. The parents of the clan, laughing, like all was well, and for this time, it was.

But to too soon, the kids were down for the night. It was time, the broken couple needed to deal with their problems.

**XXX**

She opened, "Rick, I wanted you to know I'll be here at the my city office this week." She paused but he did not reply.

"Adrianna decided it would be best. Mark and a couple of the other staff members will be here on Tuesday."

"That's good, the kids will be delighted to have you in town and home each night."

"Let's go in the bedroom," he said without preamble and led the way.

She followed him and sat on the edge of their bed, momentarily lost in the comfort of the room. She had slept so terrible all week. She wished she could just crawl in, escape this all. But she could not. She thought, 'Oh, for a time machine.'

"So tell me Beckett, where do we go from here?" He leaned against the wall, arms crossed, faced now bereft of the early joy with the kids.

"I don't know Rick...I've thought about it all week." She paused, studying the floor.

"I was surprised you sent the plane, picked me up...even let me back in this house."

"What? Beckett our lives can be crap, we can be irreparable broken...but," and he stopped.

She looked up from the floor, his eyes were dark cloudy with moisture, a tear was running done his cheek. Her heart sagged. The wound she had inflicted, was open and bleeding in front of her. He was not a person who cried, but here he was before her, one sentence in ...and the tears were already here.

"Did you see...our children?

"Can you doubt your role in their lives...the need they have for you...for us."

"Nothing has changed for them, Beckett, they need you...you can't escape that..".

"The plane will always pick you up, the car will always be there...this is your home." He had gone from hurt to angry, but the tears continued to flow.

"I'm not suggesting anything different, I just didn't know what..." she countered.

"Really Beckett? really...because...I can see you working on some exit strategy...you know for the greater good."

"Why would you even suggest that Rick?"

"Kate, it's me...it's us...I know how you work ….how you think..."

"Never forget...if you took out you gun and shot me...they are still our children...there is no greater good."

Her fears were confirmed, he was already peering into her confused and grasping heart. Seeing things she did not want out.

He walked over and picked up their wedding picture. He shook his head in anger, and threw it against the wall. Shards of glass raining onto the floor.

He turned and glared at her, "That is what you did with us...damn you Beckett."

She did not move, she wished he had taken his anger out on her. She had been hit by suspects before, she could take a blow or even blows, but she knew he would never do that. Never. She saw him as a victim, writhing in pain, seeking relief, seeking answers. There were none.

You used to ask perps, "are you willing to do a nickel or a dime for something you didn't do? Throw away ten years of your life...for what?"

"What about us, can we ever recover Kate? In five or ten years...can we ever be repaired?"

"You thought so little of us...that you would throw us out, like nothing."

"You killed us for what? Tell me Kate for what?"

He stood silent before her, she would not even make eye contact. She just cried.

"Is it that I'm to old? Do you need a younger man than your 55-year-old husband? Is that it Kate?"

"No, no...Rick, you know that's not true?"

"How would I know that Kate?"

"Look at me! This is your blind, stupidly in love husband of yours. This is the guy who wants only you! The one they said, followed you like dog..."

"Rick, you've done nothing wrong."

"Your not old, not stupid, not some lost dog...please don't say such things"

He dropped on his knees in front of her, he winced as a piece of glass cut into his knee, "No one else on the planet will ever do... no one else...this three time loser only wants you".

"This fool who cannot keep his women." He was silent again, just shaking his head.

"Rick, stop...I'm the problem, this is my fault...your love for me...was never the problem..it's me...it always been."

"I told you, I've always told you, you deserved better than me..."

But he could not hear, he was drowning in grief and pain.

"There was no ones touch but yours for me..."

"If you came into a room, I struggled to keep my hands off you."

"Anytime you were near, I wanted you, I needed you...such a fool...such a fool...I thought you felt the same...thought you needed the same."

She did not look up, she could hear him struggling, breathing hard, sniffing back the tears effects.

Then in a calm, low voice..."when they showed me the pictures...something snapped in me Kate...something died...I suddenly didn't care if I ever touched you again."

"You don't feel like my Kate...you're a stranger in my arms"...he broke into sobs.

"Tell me, where is my Kate?...I need her so..."


	10. Chapter 10

**New York City**

**Winter 2025**

Chapter 10

An unmitigated disaster. There was nothing else to call it. The talk had ended with a broken wedding picture, a bloody knee and neither listening to the other.

He suggested a walk after lunch, and once Lanie was down for nap. Martha had agreed to play some board games with Anna and AJ. They'd be back long before dinner.

The plan was to talk. The morning had been difficult, but they had busied themselves with the kids. But even the kids knew something was amiss, the cold front between Mom and Dad was obvious and while they had no idea what was happening, they intuitively knew things were not right.

That was not the case for Anna, she knew something was not right. She had heard plenty. If the school chatter was anywhere near the truth, her Mom had done something she could not understand and her Dad had been really hurt by it.

As they stepped onto the elevator, their neighbors also boarded. One floor below two more people got on. Castle had no idea who they were, he had never seen so many people on an elevator in their building. It all just added to his level of frustration.

"Where do you want to go?," Kate asked. Castle turned toward her, placed his index finger to his lips and hissed louder than he intended, "ssh".

Kate's eyes narrowed, her nostrils flared and she hissed back, "Don't tell me to shh."

With gritted teeth, she tried again, "Where, do you want to go?"

His response was terse, "Kate, shut-up!" And then the doors opened on the ground floor. He bolted out of the elevator heading for the street, leaving the crowd behind, including Kate.

He didn't stop or slow down for her. He soon heard foot falls, rapidly approaching behind him.

When she was near enough for him to hear, she said, "Don't ever tell me to shut-up!"

Castle did not respond, instead he just sped up.

Frustrated and exasperated she caught up with him, grabbed his coat sleeve and said, "Rick, that's against the rules, you don't say shut-up to me!"

He stopped and glared at her and barked, "What rules Kate?" and then took off walking.

She raced to catch him again, "Rick, stop...stop"

He did.

She held onto each coat sleeve, "Look at me, please Rick!"

"The _us _rule, Rick. You've never spoken to me like that, let alone or in front of other people..you've never just dismissed me."

"Please...talk to me Rick!"

He glared at her, eyes smoldering, "What us?"

"There is no us! You've decided to move on...there is no us Kate...it's just you!"

She looked intently at him, her face taut with strain, here eyes frantic, "Rick, please let me talk to you. Let's not do it this way. "

She pressed on, "I know what you're facing. I know what I've done...I'm worried...worried sick. The kids are freaking out, Anna has that scared, deer-in-the-headlights look on her face."

"Talk to me, and if not for me, talk to me for them."

His face went from anger and hardness to a sudden mask of sadness. The rage dissipated in only a few blocks of walking. His clinched jaw stopped and he looked down to her, broken.

It killed her to look up at him. She was so overwhelmed by the sadness in his eyes.

In a soft response he said, "Kate, I'm concerned to, this just scares me to death...even though I'm on this emotional roller coaster, I'm so frightened for them."

"Kate, we cannot hurt them, we're their protectors."

Kate deflated, teetered forward, her forehead landing squarely on his chest. She held on to him at his elbows, his arms hanging loose at his side.

They stood in the sidewalk, neither speaking or moving. The contact point of her head and hands acting as conduit between the two broken people. They had, for so long, relied upon their commitment and words for their deep relationship. But they also relied on touch and this was the first in days. They adsorbed one another like parched travelers seeking water.

After a minute, maybe even two, she straightened up. As she did she felt a shudder run through his arms. Strangely she felt a surge of hope, not a certainty of anything, just not complete bleakness.

"Rick, have you ever considered yourself toxic?

He sighed, "Yeah, sorta...'I'd probably use the word...flawed, toxic is so harsh."

"Toxic fits me better," she replied.

"Why that word?...Why toxic Kate?"

They started to walk, to nowhere, just walk.

"Look at me Rick, look at what I've brought down on us...such needless misery...such pain."

"All this, at my hands, she held her hands up to him, "Like a plague, something infectious or ...toxic."

He remained silent, letting her think, letting her gather her thoughts, "I'm caught in this dilemma. The kids need us...us...they need us to be there, but..."

"Kate, there are no butts."

"I raised Alexis alone. She hasn't complained...because she doesn't know what she's missed. How could she know? But she's missed a lot, things only a Mom could giver her."

"You have things for them, things I can never give...things they need to survive..."

He continued, "Anna, AJ and Lanie...they need you...you Kate, no one else."

She looked up at him, "And what if their mother's crazy?"

"You're not crazy!"

"Really Rick! Look at what I've done to you! I'm poison to you, don't you see that?"

"I gave you years of pain before we got together, and now I've added more, but this time it's much worse."

"Listen, I don't know where you're going with this, but you've never been toxic to me."

He pulled at her arm,"Look at me Kate."

"I'm not happy, I'm hurt...but know this, I have nothing I wouldn't trade in a heart beat, for our time together."

"If I could turn back time, go right back to our beginning. Id' start over and do everything the same again."

"Do you understand Kate, you're not crazy and you're not toxic. Please don't even say that again..."

She turned to face him. This time it was her eyes that were hooded with grief.

"I have to stop doing this to you. I cannot continue as your source of pain. I can't stand being this. I cannot bear this guilt."

**XXX**

They met near BMCC, at a small coffee shop they both liked.

"Rick, you look like hell!"

"Thanks Jake, don't hold back."

"I know you've had an awful time lately, I'm sorry...no I'm more than sorry I'm sick about this."

Castle just looked into the intense eyes of his son-in-law. Jacob and Alexis had been married for almost three years. Jake continued to teach at BMCC while Alexis was in her second year of medical school.

Castle was still surprised with his relationship with Jake. He was a scholar, teaching philosophy and religious studies. But at his core he was a good soul. He was not a conservative Jew, but he was Jewish at heart. He believed his faith was a journey, not a set of rules. He studied and schooled himself in the Torah, but was never overbearing.

Once Castle had asked him about meeting Alexis during a comedy club routine and while in life he was a completely different person, why do those three unconnected things? Jake had surprised him with his answer. He said the three were actually a lot alike, they were all windows into a person's heart. What made people laugh, how they thought about life and whether they operated in the world of faith, let you look into their souls.

Castle had laughed, told Jake he was crazy

Jake was not offended, just asked for another beer.

He suggested Castle's reliance on the "universe" was somewhere between faith and comedy, but Jake got that. He thought everyone lives with some sort of fiction, a set of rules that work in most situations, like Castles 'universe." The problem was, in tough times, the fictions always fail.

Jake had been influenced by his Grandfather who had taught him there are systems of truth that work. They're like precious metals. Jake would have to work, he wouldn't find them lying around on the ground, they're buried. He'd have to look, but there was value in both the finding and possessing.

Jake said he always told his students the same thing, "Traffic in _truths_, and the _Truth _will find you!"

"Ignore the social fictions, our own fictions about life and find a system that works, that has been proven up."

He thought his Grandfather was right, as were many rockers, trip-hoppers and rap groups. You need a code to live by, telling him, "Don't just drift in the _now_!" His Grandfather added a warning, "You'll miss the bigger picture Jake, if you do."

His Grandfather used to play 60's and 70's rock groups, like CS&N, on their way home from synagogue. When they'd sing about a code to live by, he'd stop the records and say 'Hey Jacob, hear that, a code to live by...well you've got one, it's called the Torah...don't forget it"

Jacob always laughed about his crazy Grandfather, only later did he realized how wise he had been.

"It has been...horrible Jake." Castle said quietly.

"Don't think I've ever been in such a place..."

"Rick, what are you guys going to do?"

"I don't know...I fear that Kate will do something...rash"

"Like what?"

"See told me she sees herself as toxic, dangerous to me and kids."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm not sure, my fear is that she will just pull away from us, isolate herself. It's what Kate does.".

"I've told her we have to be there for the kids, even if our marriage is..."

Rick looked over at Jake, the young man's face had gone ashen, eyes glisten, clearly upset.

"Jake, I'm sorry, I shouldn't lay this on you...I..."

"Rick," his voice now thick, " I don't want this for you two...Dear God...my heart just..."

He had paused, working at self-control. Both men just sat, and slipped into silence.

Jake considered the mess as he sat looking at his father-in-law. He had been kind when he told him he looked like hell, it was more like death.

He thought back to four years ago. He had been delighted when he first met Rick and Kate Castle, they were the picture of love. They laughed and teased, but more than anything, they loved each other openly with a fresh gusto.

Alexis loved her Dad dearly, but she also loved Kate. For the last ten days her eyes had been constantly red and puffy. She cried on and off, without warning. She had missed several classes, simply overcome with emotion. Jake was now an eyewitness to the agony of this martial nightmare. He could not reconcile the past with the present news. Now he was witnessing the tragedy, first hand.

"Rick, can I ask you something?"

Castle nodded.

"Do you still love Kate?"

Castle looked up, but did not speak at first. He picked up his sunglasses and put them on.

Jake studied him, the face twisted in agony, still Castle nodded his head for yes. Then tears appeared from underneath the glasses.

**XXX**

Kate sat the desk in the study looking over papers Adrianna had emailed to her. She was busy reading when Anna walked in and sat quietly on the sofa.

"Mom."

"Hey Anna, I didn't hear you come in."

"How was school today?"

Anna was quiet and stared down. Kate stood and walked over to the sofa.

She sat down beside this beautiful young girl. She had dark hair, and long dark eyes lashes. She was thin or maybe even on the skinny side, but so pretty.

Kate wrapped her arm around Anna, "Tell me baby, what's bothering you?

Anna did not speak at first, just leaned into her Mom. Kate ran her fingers through her daughters rich thick hair.

"Mom...the older girls at school cornered me in the cafeteria...they asked me what it was like to have a Mother who's..." she trailed off.

"Anna, you can tell me...I've been called many things as police officer and a few already as a Senator."

"Mom they called you a...slut."

Kate had expected this conversation and thought she was ready, but to hear her ten-year-old daughter say the words, carried weight she had anticipated, it hurt.

"Sweetie, people always will say terrible things about other people for all sorts of reasons."

"Mom they said Dad's a loser...that you're going off with another man"...she stopped as though she was trying to catch her breath.

"Anna, first, your Dad is not a loser"...she wondered what could be worse in life...what a conversation..."he is a wonderful man...he loves you and your brother and sister."

"Look at Mom!" she took her daughters chin in her hand, looking in to her eyes, "I'm not going off with anyone...do you hear me sweetie?

"Yes."

Kate paused, wondering what to say.

"Anna have you ever done something you wish you hadn't? Or said something you wish you could take back?

"Of course Mom."

"I have done something...I wish I could take back. I'm so sorry that you are being teased over it."

"Anna, I love you, I love your Dad...I will always love both of you. Do you believe me?"

"I do Mom, I do."

"Sweetie I'm so sorry"...tears where now leaking down her face.

Anna had turned away after Kate let go of her chin, but when she heard the break in her Moms voice, she looked up and saw the tears then she began to cry, upset by her Mother outburst of emotion.

Kate pulled her close, "I'm sorry sweetie...sorry for these tears..sorry for everything."

**XXX**

She decided to call her best friend. When she did Lanie Parish had been cordial, but cool. They'd agreed to meet at Lanie's and Javier's place. Kate did not want to be out in public.

They had only seen each other three or four times in the last year, none of the visits at Lanie's.

Kate knocked on the front door, and held her breath, this would not be easy.

The door swung open, Lanie beamed and pulled Kate in for a hug, but she felt the stiffness and restraint on her friends part.

"Lanie, it's good to see you."

"Katherine Castle...you look terrible."

"Don't hold back, Lanie." She said with a sad smile.

"I am holding back. Come in sit down, let me give you a piece of my mind."

She knew Lanie was kidding, but also dead serious. Kate had no illusions this would be a easy visit. But she needed someone to talk to, someone from her past, from their past. Lanie was it.

"OK, tell me this crap on TV is just that, crap!" Lanie's hands were planted on her hips, her head extended toward her friend who hadn't had a chance to even sit yet.

"Lanie...I was having an affair." The words chilled the room.

"Oh, Kate...how could you do that..." her face crumbled and she turned and left the room. Kate heard the bathroom door close hard. She waited.

After about five minutes Lanie came back into the room. She started to speak, looked down at the carpet, held up her hand and returned to the bathroom.

When Lanie returned, Kate spoke first. "Lanie, I'm sorry...I'm not here to make you pick sides...I just needed someone to talk to and you're the only friend..."

Lanie looked at her friend, so sad, so broken but she could not comprehend how this could happen. She loved Javier, was this their fate? Could one of them do this to other?

Kate interpreted her thoughts, "Do you remember when we met last year, just after I was appointed to the Senate seat?"

Lanie nodded her head indicating a yes.

"I told you how busy Rick and I had gotten, we we're going ninety miles an hour in opposite directions...well after the Senate job got underway...it just got worse."

"It's not an excuse...it was just our insanely hectic life."

"Rick took on most of the responsibilities of the kids and we tried to make our busy schedules intersect...it was just so hard."

"Wait, stop!" Lanie interrupted, "Are you telling me things got too busy so you cheated on the man who thinks you walk on water?"

"Is that what you're trying to say here?" Lanie pressed hard on the point.

"No, Lanie...I'm trying to lay out the pieces of my stupidity."

"Well at least you've got the right definition."

"The parts of this mess... all seem stupid, ridiculous...pointless." Kate said looking away avoiding eye contact.

"Kate, what do you want out of this mess? Where are going with this explanation?

"I...I want to make sure I don't hurt him, or them again."

"And how do you intend to do that Kate?

"I'm trying to figure it out...I've talked to a divorce lawyer."

"What, did you fall on your head?" Lanie but staring at her with a laser like look.

"Tell me Kate! In what universe would a divorce fix this mess? Extending her arms out to shoulder level.

"Lanie I don't want to hurt him anymore...ever again."

"Well you're a day late and dollar short for that to happen, aren't you?"

"I need to protect him...from me...I'm pain and poison for him...I just repeatedly hurt him, Lanie.".

"If you divorce him...wait don't bother...just go shoot him and plead insanity."

"So let me get this straight...you cheat on him...and I know...it breaks his heart..."

"But to keep from doing it again...you want to divorce him...and a drive stake through his heart...so you don't...hurt him?

"What the hell is wrong with you Kate?"

"Is there something in the water in DC that your drinking?

"I need answers Kate!...Cause you're not making any sense...and I sure don't buy this BS, so start over and tell me how this happen."

**AN: Thanks to all who have provided reviews. I appreciate the time you've taken to read the story and comment. Many great ideas. **

**As always these characters belong to _ABC_, Mr. Marlowe and his great staff and cast. A special thanks to NF and SK for bringing Castle and Beckett to life. At times I feel they're standing at either shoulders saying, " Nope, I'd never say that!" Some of you would agree.  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**New York City**

**Winter 2025**

Chapter 11

For a Tuesday morning, the Castle household was in it' normal chaotic state.

"Castle, I'll drop Anna and AJ, if you take Lanie by Ashley's."

"That will be fine for me, what time will you be back?" he asked.

"I have an appointment with Burke at 10:30."

"OK, if you need to, text me and I'll pick up AJ."

The kids loaded into the Yukon and they headed out. Anna chatted with her brother in the back seat. She was big enough for the front seat, but she sat in the back for AJ. He tended to whine if he had to sit alone. He was a lot like his Father.

Kate enjoyed their banter, they got along well and she liked to listen to their chatter. Her time away in DC had made her appreciate these little things she'd missed out on.

Anna was not only older, but academically she was very advanced, but she didn't show off. She'd listen to her younger sibling being patient with his questions. Kate loved the kind-heartedness of her daughter.

"Mom!"

"Yes AJ?"

"How come you don't let Dad kiss you anymore?" He laughed, like he had just busted them.

She looked in the rear view mirror and was confronted with Anna's fallen countenance.

"What do mean AJ? I haven't stopped Dad from kissing me."

"Come on Mom, I haven't seen him kiss you once since you got home."

"And I know he likes to kiss on you.! Why'd you tell him to stop?"

"I'll talk to Dad and tell him to stop holding out on me, OK?" She tried to sound cheery. She wasn't.

When she looked back again, Anna looked as though she was on the verge of tears.

"Hey, I'll play some music! What would you guys like to hear?"

Anna brighten a bit as they called out what station they should listen to, each trying to talk over the other.

**XXX**

Coffee had always been her great comfort drink but for years it had been handed to her by her husband, with the those piercing and loving blue eyes. A shadow crossed her as she thought of her now sad state of affairs.

She accepted the cup from the barista and inwardly groaned.

The conversation with AJ had not only shook Anna, but it had hit her hard. She and Castle had talked about protecting the kids and they were failing miserably.

Someone, some talking head, had said the greatest gift parents can give to their children, is to love one another. AJ had just proved the guy right. The eyes of a seven year-old could not be fooled.

She needed to talk to Rick, they had to do better.

She left one unpleasant subject for another. Lanie Parish has been as angry as she could ever remember. Kate knew she had failed to explain how the last year had unraveled into such a nightmare. Lanie told her she'd been stubborn before, but this was beyond stubborn, it was damn foolish. She made it clear, it was doubtful even Kate could fix this mess.

She'd rejected the divorce option as ridiculous. The conversation had not ended well. Kate had thanked her for listening and left. They agreed to talk later but she wasn't sure that would happen. Lanie had picked sides and it was not hers. She could not blame her friend, she would not pick her side either. As usual Lanie was right.

Kate still believed she needed to spare Castle and the kids any more unnecessary suffering. The problem was her role as a mother, the way her kids clung to her, found comfort in her arms, which made any separation out of the question. And then there was Castle.

She'd have to think, she could figure a way to both protect them as well as spare them, she just hadn't figured it out yet. Exile from them would not work, asking for forgiveness was not an option, her offense was unforgivable.

**XXX**

Dr. Burke smiled as she walked in to his office. He was pleased when his assistant said she had called for an appointment.

"Senator Beckett, its good to see you." He stood and took her hand in both his and shook them warmly.

"Thank you doctor, but please...it's just Kate that's visiting you today," smiling weakly.

"Well Kate, it's been awhile. "

"Yes it has...too long," she sighed.

"Kate I was sorry to read about your father passing last year. Had he been ill?"

"No doctor...it was a shock...a terrible time for all of us".

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Switching topics he asked, "And how old are your children now?"

"Anna is nine, AJ is seven and Lanie is three."

"Wow, I would guess your hands are full?"

"That's an understatement," She smiled weakly.

"I don't want to be in sensitive to your loss, but I need to congratulate you on your appointment to the Senate. That's a very impressive place to be."

"Thank you, it's been difficult to get my head around it. Castle has..." she stopped mid-sentence and just looked at the window.

When she remained silent he asked, "Was the Senate appointment a surprise Kate?

"It was, I never saw it coming...I need to explain how it all came about."

"You're part of the story behind, it." She added.

"Me? How so?"

"You helped me through many things, and some choices I made, some good choices you helped with, even though you never knew."

He said nothing, he could see she was highly agitated. The history could wait.

"Tell Kate, how are you doing?

She paused, again "You've seen the news...you probably know I'm...you know why I need to see you."

Dr. Burke said nothing but pointed for her to sit. She didn't, she just paced behind the sofa.

He was use to this. In the past, the tighter she was wound, the longer it took for her to sit. He'd wait her out.

"Tell me what's on your mind Kate?"

She sighed heavily, " I'm not sure where to even start...not sure where this mess begins."

"Then tell me what's bothering you right now, start there."

She paced and stared at the floor and then came to an abrupt stop. She looked up at him with an angry tense expression. Her voice raw, "I thought I was safe, I thought I was home, but I wasn't..."

She broke eye contact, her head dropped down as she studied the floor again.

Again he let her be, and waited.

As he watched he saw a change in her posture, shoulders slumping even more, as though she was caving in, "Safe from what Kate?"

"I thought...that love would keep me safe."

"That it...that it...would see me through anything. That's its very force, its presence, it' power...would protect me...protect all that I love."

"That love would bury the fool in me..that it was banished...the demon of walls and compartments were forever gone..."

"That...that...the creeping I am...would give up in the world of love and life, and leave me alone...leave me safe."

She went silent again, and then deep huffing breathes, "That love for my husband...love for my children, would shelter me from the outside...and...the me inside...the part of me that always works against everything..."

She stopped pacing and sat on the arm of the sofa, head hanging, chin near her chest. He could see her start to shake as she began to softly cry.

After awhile, in a barely audible voice, "But I wasn't safe!"

"I betrayed him...as stupid and contradictory as that is...I betrayed the one I vowed to love.."

"I know what you're thinking...that it's nonsense...look at your conduct..." She went quiet again.

"And...now I've pushed him away...at a time when I need him the most."

He asked, "Why the betrayal?"

"Doctor, I've tried to piece it together, it makes no sense...I've looked for a beginning...tried to figure out how everything unraveled...I'm having a terrible time." She paused and stared into her hands now folded in her lap.

"It seems like everything was OK...all was well, and then..."

"And then what, Kate?"

"When I was a kid we'd go to the ocean, my Dad always warned me about the undertow. I always thought he was being over protective until the day I got pulled under and then pulled out faster than I could believe. I was a good swimmer and I finally got back, but it scared me to death. I never told my Dad, but from that day on, I always watched for the signs he had talked about."

She was silent, Burke waited, again.

"When my Dad died eighteen months ago...it was as though things crumbled...and I just came apart."

"What do you mean, came apart?"

"There is something about losing a parent..your last parent...things I never considered."

"It sounds stupid since I was only nineteen when my mom was killed, but now with Dad gone..."

"As an adult, with a family...things about death look very different."

"Different, how?"

"Time and the harsh, even bitter realization that time is limited..." she paused looking for the right explanation..

"It's not just the words we use to describe the passing of time, but...but that we have a place in time...like your place in line at the store. "

"Death is at the end of your line... but it's a line you cannot leave...you can't walk-away...

"When both your parents are gone...it's suddenly not a far off idea, it's reality... you're in your place."

"When my dad died...for the first time in my life...I became...claustrophobic."

"Not over a close or tight space...but claustrophobic...in time."

"It began to press against me...I...ached as it gripped me with its limits...that life...it's all really short."

"One of the fears you have as a cop is that an arrest will go south, the perp will get the jump on you...and worse...get your gun."

"In my head, death has done that, got the jump on me...I'm slammed against a wall, death has my gun pressed into my gut, an elbow jammed into my shoulder, his hand across my throat...breathing is hard...I'm stuck...there are no good moves. Checkmate...game over."

She paused and looked intently at Dr. Burke, "Maybe that makes no sense to you...but it makes plenty to me."

"How do you handle this claustrophobia?"

"I don't, at least not very well."

"You know doctor, when you're young and busy, you spend time as though you have an unlimited supply...but you don't... we don't..."

"When you're the last one standing in your family...your alone...and suddenly for me...overnight ...I was aware of how much of my life had been spent..."

He responded, "But Kate, your only..."

She cut him off, " I know, I know...I'm only forty-five, but Castle is fifty-five. I'm more than half way through my life, but with Dad gone, it all feels different."

"Different how?

"We think about life...measured and in order...we tell ourselves if we structure it, create a method of dealing with it...a means to cope...it will work.."

She stopped, the tears were back, "But against death...nothing works..."

"Death steals more than the ones you love...it steals parts of you, while taking the others from you."

"This sounds crazy, my Mom died twenty-six years ago and I know what death felt like, I missed her ...still miss her..."

"I've dealt with death, day in and day, but...when you lose your last parent...death has a different face...a face I'd never seen before."

"And what is that face, Kate?"

"It frightens me...not of death coming to take me...and not just the attack and getting the draw on me..."

"It also attacks...the me...the who I am...it changed the solid core of me...into a shadow...I know how it sounds...it made a ghost out of me."

"Kate, explain, that to me."

"Death is not just an end...it's a stealing of a part of each day...it takes small slices of us...we don't feel it...we don't see...they just go missing."

"I'm still not clear on what you're trying to say"

"There are lots of parts of it...when I met Castle I was 29...going about my life...I saw time as open-ended …"

"Fifteen years later...married with three kids...that 29 year old...is a million miles gone."

"Life has crowded us, Rick and I, into roles we could not have dreamed of..."

"Yeah we knew we'd marry and hopefully have a baby...and we do...and much more...but the demand almost eliminated the reason we started...the us...the he and I part of it all."

"How does death and this shadow idea fit together?

"In part, this shadow has damaged me...it's damaged the people I love...most dearly. It has left me questioning whether I'm too broken ….too damaged to be fixed...to be loved."

"What kind of damage Kate?"

"Doctor, you have to know, what's happened in the last week..." She paused and looked up again, a deep sadness, or shame painting her face, "You have to have read the papers...or heard the news..." She trailed off.

"Kate, I've heard the news reports, but not what's true. I'm not being kind, I need to hear it from you."

"I cheated...I committed adultery, !"

She bull-dozed on, "I went to bed with a man ten years younger than me...twenty years younger than my husband. Not just once...but many times."

" I hated it, but did it anyway, my private war against myself..against the shadow me."

"Someone sold pictures of us to a newspaper. They called Rick, before the photos were released, as a courtesy to him. It practically killed him. I've never seen such hurt in someone's eyes."

She released a guttural groan, and then went silent. But it was obvious she wasn't done.

"And then, last week he stood beside me...no...no much more than that...he stood between me and the press...he shielded me from a media frenzy."

Again she stopped, twisting and studying her hands. "No...that's wrong to...he didn't shield me..." she broke in sobs.

Through clinched teeth she rasped..., "He defended me Doctor Burke," and another fresh onslaught of tears cascaded down her face.

"He defended my honor...he wrapped his arm around me...held me up...against to the world."

He watched this passionate, strong, ex-cop and now Senator reel under the weight of her own mistakes. He thought of this as the ugly underside of his profession. Few patients could ever live with the consequences of what they had done, few ever defended their actions.

"I've never been so ashamed...so humiliated...and yet, at the same time...I've never felt so protected in my entire life."

"Why would he do that? I could feel the tension, the anger in him...he vibrated with it, but his touch was like a balm...soothing me...like a rope being thrown to a drowning person."

"Doctor, he was so angry I knew he wanted to strike at them..instead he remained calm and focused on protecting me...just like he has always done."

She raised her tear-stained face and looked at him, "You know...it is one thing for someone to defend a victim, someone who is beat down...but to be protected...when you should be thrown to the wolves...its a ..." She was quiet again for a few beats.

"I deserved their hard questions...their accusations...but despite me and my treachery...he would not allow that..."

With pleading eyes she asked, " How could I have done such horrible things to him? How doctor?"

Dr. Burke now waited to respond, she was to upset and he wanted to reign her in some , he asked, "Kate do you think good people can do bad things?"

"People make mistakes, if that's what you're asking. They do things by being thoughtless or selfish." She replied, breathing more evenly.

"That's not what I'm asking, my question is, do good people do bad things?"

She thought for a minute, "My parents sent me to summer school when I eleven or twelve years old. We lived near a Catholic church that has a school and offered the neighborhood a summer program. We didn't go to the church but it was near our home, so to keep me out of trouble and busy for a few weeks, they decided it would be good for me. I don't remember much about the school, except the clothes the nuns wore, which I thought were kinda strange, we called them penguins."

"One day the head of the school came in our class and talked a bit about life and the Catholic Church. He said a couple of things I still remember after all these years. He said we were souls in a tent and that though our bodies, our tents wear out, our souls never do...they live forever." That was a strange idea to me and I guess that why it caught my attention."

"But the other things he said, was that those who struggle most in life are double-souled." She was silent but this time gazed out the window.

"I think the double-souled can be both good and bad."

"Kate, are you saying, you're capable of doing evil?

She paused before responding, "I'm saying, I'm double-souled..."

"So your heart is divided?"

"I never thought so. I guess that's the hard part, I feel like I don't really know myself...I've been surprised at who I am and what I'm capable of doing."

"So do you think you're a good person, whose made an error, or a bad person whose been found out?"

"My conduct demonstrates that I am a bad person. It creates a wall of fear, like a wave coming at me..I wonder what's next, what leap of stupidity awaits me in the future."

"Doctor, I...I feel the need to make, or at least try, to make my children and my husband safe."

"Safe from what Kate?"

"Safe from me."

**XXX**

Her staff in DC was busy, working against the backlash from the press conferences and the momentum building against Senator Beckett. The question being debated was whether she should consider attempting to make the run the seat, with the election only nine months away. Could she weather this storm? Could they succeed in securing her seat permanently? Should she get out-of-the-way and let someone else that a shot at the election?

The questions were not limited to the Senator's office. The people who had been passed over for a chance at her now tarnished position, saw her as politically vulnerable. They were lobbying for her to make an exit. The sooner the better. Let the seasoned politicians step in, maintain the party balance and voting edge, put a viable candidate on the ticket. .

They argued, there was too much at stake for Senator Beckett to sort out her personal problems in public. But there was more, they saw blood and turned like a pack of dogs on their former star. They were hungry for the prize and her title as a US Senator.

**XXX**

"Castle! I need to talk to you, can you come in the study?" She spoke softly not wanting to alert the kids.

He unwrapped himself from Anna and laid AJ over against a pillow. They were sprawled on the sofa, watching the TV, the kids were only half awake, it has been another full day.

He left the door open as he walked in, "What is it Kate?"

She pointed at the door, monitoring him to close it, as he did she started, "AJ asked me this morning why I don't let you kiss me anymore?" She paused, "I told him you kiss me all the time...but he apparently has been...watching us..."

They just looked at each, the elephant was not only in the room, it had just stood up. They could pretend and dance around one another, but their kids knew. They were going to have to solve this, one way or another, time was against this charade.

"He said you haven't kissed me since I got back from DC." When I looked back at him, I saw Anna in the mirror, she just looked hurt when I told AJ I'd give you permission.

"Kate, I can..."

"No Rick, you don't have to fake affection...we just need..."

"I understand, we need to connect a bit more...I get their fears... and I want to ease them."

He continued, "I'll make a joke at dinner, you know kiss, hug and slobber ...he'll eat it up. But more than that, we need to be nearer each other...make contact."

She smiled weakly. He had been clear on not wanting to touch her, the words still rang in her ears, "We do, and thanks...I know..."

"No Kate, you don't know...I'll fix it."

Castle wondered to himself how this could go on for very long. He was not repulsed by Kate, he wanted their life back. She looked and acted like the missing Kate, but he kept hoping the front door would open and she would walk in and this nightmare would just end. He was brimming with anger at what she had done to them, he wanted to tell her, to vent. He needed his wife, his partner, but she had left and he had never sensed such anger and loneliness. But he loved his children and they needed 'them' and he would do anything for those three.

He got up and returned to the kids in the great room.

As promised Castle had teased AJ at dinner about not kissing Mom. He said he was crazy about her and had permission to kiss her as much as he wanted.

He moved down the table to Kate's end and started at the top of her head, kissing her three times, saying, " One for Anna! One for AJ! And one more for Lanie!" Even Anna seemed happy at this, and the other two just giggled..

He then pulled back her hair and kissed her neck, again three times, with the same mantra, flowed by cheers.

Finally he knelt in front of her, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her gently. After about three seconds, he released her and said "Anna."

Kate was flushed at the kiss, but said nothing, just smiled. He returned two more times, with the gentle sustained kisses and ended by saying, "AJ." and then, "Lanie."

At that point, Anna and AJ where hooting, Lanie was squealing, Castle leaned in a last time and kissed her on the cheek.

Kate put her hand on the back of his neck pulled him close, and whispered into his ear, "Thank you."

He smiled at her, but she saw the resident sadness in his eyes, he softly said, "Always."


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Thank you for the many reviews. This took some time due to a few re-writes. I had been thinking about some different ideas and some of you made suggestions that gave me a push,thanks. Finally my beta rejected my last chapter told me to try it again. Hope you enjoy. **

* * *

**Washington DC**

**Winter 2025**

Chapter 12

After ten days in New York the Senator needed to return to the DC merry-go-round. She had spoken with Adrianna about the weeks plans. There were two fund-raising dinners, planned more than a month before, which were part of the 'Exploration Committee' for the upcoming election.

Those invited had been supporters of Senator Amanda Mills, the seat Kate now held. After the Washington Gazette story and subsequent news conference, Adrianna had been doing a lot of fence mending. In light of the recent events, it was far less certain the former supporters of Senator Mills would stay on board with the appointed Senator. She had lost her poster Senator status at this point.

In her calls to shore up the sagging support Adrianna heard many complaints, as well as concerns about the viability of the candidate. There was however a thread of hope. The couples interaction at the news conference along with the following days coverage had impressed a number of the people who would be attending. The second days story of the reporter, Bryan Lewis, had provided important and positive dividends. For Adrianna it meant one thing, if they were to draw the support of the former Senator, Richard Castle would be an part of the process.

In conversation between the chief of staff and the Senator, Adrianna made it clear, that Mr. Castle needed to go with her to both events. She also laid the ground work for the future, it appeared he would be invaluable down the road for extensive campaigning work.

The Castle's arrived early Monday morning. Kate had numerous duties that required tending at the office. Rick said he had some errands to run. They agreed to meet at the DC apartment at 6 pm. to get ready for the dinner was at 7:30.

**XXX**

Castle ordered a nondescript sedan for their transportation from Reagan National to the Senate offices. He wanted the private vehicle in lieu of the Senate limo service.

It was 1:15, the lunch crowd was still robust, Chris Lopez had a table on the street at one of the many George Town restaurants. Across from the former aide sat a drop dead beautiful blond. Lopez was pouring it on, the woman didn't need much encouragement.

Across the street and about 25 yards away, Richard Castle sat and watched. He had asked for a car with tinted windows, but in order to not look like a spy he had moved to the back seat. If he sat in the right rear seat, he could use the binoculars and not be seen by anyone on the street or oncoming traffic. From this parking place he had a clear line of vision of Mr. Lopez.

Castle knew a guy who helped him keep track of Lopez's activities. When he contacted his friend he was informed of the aide's probable location, which was confirmed at 12:45 pm.

Castle watched the former aide work his moves on the woman. He had met Lopez several times when he had visited the Senate office. It bothered Castle he had never got a vibe, that he had missed the whole affair undercurrent.

When he called the guy for help he wasn't sure of his own intentions. He didn't know what would come from the information. He had not intended to confront or ever follow Lopez, but here he sat.

The pictures had boiled his blood, although they were not overt, once he found out the truth of the affair, he filled in the blanks, with rage. But now, he sat within a stones throw of the guy who had helped destroy his world and for what? Some political leverage, a blackmail thing, it made no difference now, the damage was done.

Castle was not naïve, the destruction of his world had required two people, Lopez was not the only culprit. Kate's role was undeniable, but he would deal with that later.

For 30 minutes he watched, he felt his heart rate increase and his palms become sweaty. The car felt like a cage, he was antsy to get out, to move, to act. But he wasn't sure what he would do. His chest was becoming tighter and tighter and then he calmed. He knew what he wanted to do, he wanted to kill this man. He spoke out loud, "Hey, think about this...think." His own voice made him jump. He was freaking out and knew he was slipping over a line and although he was scared, he was also frighteningly calm. It was the calm that scared him. It was cold and focused. He reached for his phone.

"Hey Castle, what's up bro?" Esposito's voice filled his ear.

He sputtered for a minute to speak, but nothing came out.

"Castle, what's up man?"

"Hey Espo, how you doing."

"I'm doing fine...I haven't talked to you for awhile...sorry about your trouble...I mean it."

"I know man, thanks"

"Why you calling dude?" Still in a light tone, "I haven't heard from you in months."

"I needed someone to talk to..."

"Castle...what does that mean? " Esposito sat up in his chair the hairs on the back of his neck tingling.

"Castle where are you?"

"I'm in D C Espo, Beckett and I have some dinners we need to attend."

"Is she with you...now?"

"No, she's at her office...we're meeting later..."

"Man you don't sound too good, what's up Castle?

"I'm sitting across the street from the...the guy Beckett...he's with some blond thing..."

"What do mean across the street...how did you.. how did you happen to run into him?"

"I know a guy..."

"Crap Castle...what're you doin?"

"I'm just sitting, Javi...just sitting..."

"Really!, across the street from that dude..."

"Why? Castle...why?" Esposito's tone was harsh and accusatory.

"I'm not sure...just kinda ended up here..."

"Why you callin me Castle?"

"I...thought...thought you might be a little...clearer headed than..".

"Listen Rick, start the car and leave...now!"

"I can't man, I'm in the back seat..."

"You're what?"

"I'm in the backseat...I don't want to be seen..."

"Well climb over the seat...and leave ...now"

"Espo, I'm not sure I can...we're in a real mess."

"Castle...Castle...listen to me...there's nothing there to help clean up the mess...you hear?"

Esposito could only hear breathing and labored breathing at that.

"Castle, I'm sure you're upset...you have every right to be...but man...there's only misery for you..if you do something stupid."

"Javi, that guy put his hands on...on my wife, Espo...she and I had a…"

"I get that ...but Rick, please man...don't do something stupid...just leave!"

When Castle did not respond, Esposito added, "Castle, I have four words for you...Alexis, Anna, AJ and Lanie...man for their sake...get out of there...now!"

"OK"...his voice sounded defeated, "I'll go...thanks Javi." He started to hang-up.

"Castle, wait...where are you?"

"In Georgetown...not too far from the apartment...ten minutes...depending."

"Castle, I'm calling you back in five...I want you to tell me you're half way home."

"OK..."

"Castle, listen to me... then I want you to call me from the apartment telephone, ten minutes from now, got it?.

"Yeah...OK". The phone went dead.

**XXX**

"Beckett!" It took her a second to switch gears, Javier Esposito's voice had that panicked ring to it. She'd heard it many times before, it always made her anxious.

Without prelude, "Esposito, what's up?

"Your man just called me...freaked out."

"What do you mean?" Now it was her voice that sounded panicky.

"He said he was sitting across from a restaurant in Georgetown..."

"What? Doing what?

"Watching Chris Lopez and some chick."

Kate gasped, wondering how much more could go wrong in her life.

"Beckett, you OK?"

"No, I'm not...what did he say?

"He sounded strange and...I think he called me to talk him out of doing something stupid.

"What'd you tell him?

"I reminded him of Alexis, Anna, AJ and Lanie."

" Good work Espo...thank you."

Kate closed her eyes and rolled her head back. How much more she wondered.

Esposito interrupted, "I told him to leave and call me when he got back to your apartment. He said he would."

"Esposito, please call me as soon as you hear from him, and Javi...again thank you."

"Anytime boss." She smiled, somethings really never do change.

Ten minutes later Esposito called back, Castle was at their apartment, he sounded more like himself. He said she was due around six, he was going to rest for a while.

Beckett called Ray he had the limo ready at 4;30, she was dropped off at the apartment at 4:45, Castle was asleep, she sat and watched him. She wondered what had happened this afternoon and why.

**XXX**

The dinner was not the usual political gathering, it was much smaller and intimate. It was held in the home of one of Washington's most wealthy and prestigious families, the Bedells. The dining room had a single table which seated twenty-two guests. Castle was in his environment, many had read his books and were anxious to rub shoulders with the famous writer. They were equally anxious to me his lovely wife and newest Senator. Kate was beautiful and initially remained at his side. However many in the room wanted a minute of the Senators time, to assess the candidate.

When dinner was served the Castles where seated across the table from each other. They could make small talk but nothing more.

Richard Castle watched with pride as his beautiful partner handled those beside her. He recalled the strutting four-inch heeled detective, the force of nature he had chased and tried to tame. He was pleased with her rise to such heights. Despite the recent events, he was happy to be along, to be part of her future, at least for this time.

Kathrine Beckett Castle did not consider her self the most out going candidate, but once engaged she enjoyed the interaction. She talked about important issues Senator Mills had worked on and that she intended to see through. She had her own issues, things that arose from her homicide work.

What struck her this evening, was her husband. He had assumed the role of supporting spouse. He led her in, circled the room with her, engaging in the introductions and beaming as the donors buttered up the candidate. She was embarrassed at the times at the grin on his face, it was the same look he had at Anna's and AJ's school performances.

Following dinner, everyone adjourned to a large sitting room. It had been set up in a semi-circle of chairs so everyone could hear her brief comments. Castle and she were seated at the front on one side. While she spoke she noticed a number of guest were watching him watch her. It made her smile and nearly lose her place more than once. She hit the topics outlined, including her interest in a federal needle exchange program. She explained her interest in the exchange arose from her many drug related homicide investigations. It had been controversial, but when she explained her reasoning those present seemed receptive.

As they ready to leave, Andrianna wished them a good evening and added, "You two did magnificent tonight. I'll see you tomorrow."

She took his arm and they made their way to the waiting limo and Ray.

**XXX**

Senator Beckett's calendar had changed drastically since the news conference. Suddenly everyone had to reschedule. She felt as though she had the plague.

When she arrived at the office the next morning and reviewed her itinerary, she was taken back, since on her list was Senator Carter Hudson Evans, the Minority Whip.

She had met the Senator only one time before and was now surprised he would make a call on her.

"Senator Beckett, it's a pleasure to see you, and thank you for taking the time to see an old fool."

Kate was taken back, "Senator Evans I was surprised to see you on my itinerary for today."

"Well Adriana and I go way back, I sorta bullied my way onto your calendar. And please call me Hud."

"Sir, again it's a pleasure to see you. What can I do for you?"

"Actually I'm really just a message boy today."

"For whom sir?"

"If you'll indulge me for a for a moment, I'll explain."

"Of course, sir."

"About four years ago Senator Mills came to me and talked about a detective from New York city. She told me a story she heard from her predecessor Senator Bracken, I'm sorry to bring up his name."

"It is on behalf of Senator Mills that I am here today."

"Senator Mills, sir?"

"Yes, she left me a letter to give to you and so I'm here to do her bidding."

He turned and looked at the window, he seemed distracted from his task, "I miss Amanda. She and I were good friends, in spite of the fact we sat on opposite sides of the aisle. I just miss her."

"Before I give you her letter, there are two things I need to tell you. "

" First, I'm here without any rocks in my pockets."

"Do you know what that means Senator Beckett?"

"No, sir. I don't think I do."

"There's a story in the Bible. Some men bring a woman to Jesus, they'd caught her in adultery and they wanted to stone her. But they wanted to test him, and he declined. Instead he started writing something in the dirt, maybe things they had done wrong, but they all left. If they brought rocks in their pockets to throw, they didn't get to use them on her."

"When my grandfather took me on the campaign trail, he would say, 'Well Hud, let's hope they don't have any rocks in their pockets!' He told the story, so many times it just stuck with me."

"My point Senator Beckett...I'm hear as a friend. I have no critical words for you, no malice towards you today. I wish you the best and want to remind you that we need you in the Senate."

"Thank you, sir." Kate was taken back by his gentle and fatherly demeanor.

"Enough babbling. Before Amanda ran for the Senate seat of Bracken, after your arrest of him, she was a State representative. She was in a meeting with Bracken and some others when he told a story about you."

"He said you had it in for him, but you had saved him in a bombing incident and he never forgot it. It seemed like he was almost haunted by it. He didn't drop the story there, he emphasized how very few people would have done what you did for him. He said you could have hesitated for just a moment and he would have died. Finally he said to the group, "That's the type person we need to run our country, not all these greedy politicians."

"After the details came out about Bracken being involved in your mothers murder, Amanda recounted the story Bracken had told that night. She watched you and your career from that point on."

"In 2022 when she was diagnosed with cancer she and I met and we talked about her successor. She wanted only one person to fill the spot, you."

"She wanted to give you time to try the job and then decide if you wanted to run for the seat at the next election."

"I am here today because Amanda wrote you a letter. She gave it to me before her death. She said that if you got in trouble, if you lost your way, I was to deliver it to you. The timing was up to me."

The Senator stood and pulled a plan envelope from his pocket with "Senator Beckett" written across the front. He handed it to Kate.

"Senator Beckett, I know you've had a rough few weeks. I have no idea what Amanda wrote to you, that is between you and her. But I meant what I said earlier, we always need good people in the Senate, we need you Senator Beckett. You have much to offer, and the heart to deliver."

"I have two daughters and five grand-daughters, you being here in the Senate helps my ladies. Don't be discouraged by all the ill will. We need you, don't forget that in the days to come."

He reached out his hand and shook Kate.

"Thanks Senator Evans, thank you so much for your kind words and your visit today."

"It's Hud, and my door is always open to you." He said with a big smile.

"Have a good day Senator and keep up the good fight." And he was gone.

Kate sat down, somewhat stunned by the visit, it was something she never expected.

**XXX**

She had toyed with what to do with the letter. Her first instinct was to open it immediately, but decided she needed to wait for Castle. He had been with her through the whole process, he needed to be here.

She would never forget the day Anna came to her with the phone, saying the President wanted to talk to her. Later she had heard from Senator Mills along with the Governor of New York all were involved in the appointment. Both the President and Governor had conceded to Senator Mills request to appointment Kate as an interim Senator, it was unusual but Amanda Mills had the respect of both men.

The driving force behind the decision was Castle. He had argued this was an opportunity of a life time. He believed in her, along with his crazy ideas about her destiny for bigger things. In the end he had won and she accepted.

As she looked at the letter, whatever it contained was really for them, not just her.

She gave him a call and asked him to come over. At 2pm he knocked on the door of her private office.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey Castle, thanks for coming so fast, it wasn't an emergency."

"Beckett, when you receive a call, from one of the two Senators of the State of New York, a wise man responds quickly," he just smiled.

"Well, you're still full of it I see!" It was wonderful to banter.

"Excuse me, should a Senator talk like that?"

"Close the door, I want to show you something."

She told the story of Senator Evans visit and ended with her handing him the letter.

Kate paced a little and then sat in the chair next to Castle., "You open it and read it to me."

"Beckett," he protested, "It's to you, not me. "

"No Castle we got here together, it's to us, you do the honors."

He carefully opened the letter and began.

_Dear Senator Beckett:_

_I asked my fiend Hud Evans to hold this letter for you, until he deemed it the right time to pass it on. _

_If you are reading it, it means you've hit some rough waters, maybe even run a ground. _

_Washington is not a friendly place. Enemies maybe friends and friends maybe enemies. _

_There is always a chance that someone close will cause you great harm, you learn who to trust, but it's often too late.. _

_There seems to be an unholy trinity that attacks most politicians: Money, Sex and Power. _

_No one comes to Washington to make mistakes or, to jeopardize their careers, but things happen. _

_No doubt something has happened to you. _

_You know how you came to my attention and you know why I insisted that you take the seat, at least long enough for you to decide if the job fits. After that, it is up to you to decide if you would run in the general election. _

_What ever has happened, I would urge you to take heart. I know your husband is with you. I know that he played a significant role in your decision to even accept the interim seat. Look to him, rely on him and you will do well. _

_Ignore the press, they only want blood and they love it when it's our blood that's being let._

_Whatever the storm, whatever the error, face the music and get on with the job. _

_I know you've heard this before, but one more time. The number of women serving in the Senate is very limited. Remember you are there for all women. You are their voice, you are the voice of their daughters and your daughters. _

_Don't let the nay sayers and misery merchants drive you away. Decide things on your own terms. _

_Thank you again for accepting the position, I have great faith in you Kate. _

_Gods Speed._

_Amanda_

The two just stared at each other. Kate reached over and put her hand on Castle's, he covered it with his own.


	13. Chapter 13

**Washington DC**

**New York City**

**Winter 2025**

Chapter 13

The morning after the second fund-raising dinner, Castle returned to New York. The dinner had been another success. The donors liked Kate and we're easily impressed by her business like presentation and charm. He thought the only thing missing was the murder board. She was more cop than a politician, it was what made her interesting to these seasoned donors.

Adrianna was again pleased to have Castle near and attentive. It dispelled many unspoken concerns. They liked the Senator, but they also liked her partner.

The early trip home was for the kids who needed at least one of their parents at home. Kate was busy after being away from DC for a week and Castle was happy to head home to be with his munchkins.

After landing, he went to work. There were some loose ends he needed to tie down.

He had arrived after Anna and AJ were off to school and Lanie was about to go down for her nap.

As Rachel prepared Lanie, he opened the office safe and pulled out a new burner phone. He told her he'd be back in an hour, hopefully before Lanie awoke and headed out for his walk.

He dialed the memorized number, "Hey, it's me."

"Thank you for you help, your information was spot on." He listened.

"I know that's what you do, I'm just telling you, you did good."

Castle listen some more and then added, "What I want is for them to disappear!"

After the response he added, "No, no...not that kind disappear. You know, go away, just get out of my life."

He continued, "I don't need all the details, but I don't want anyone...to disappear...man this sounds like a bad movie."

"I'm done with being rained on...I wanna be the rain for a while."

He listened some more, the explanation of the plan was concise and well laid out, he liked it.

"That makes sense," Castle paused and added with urgency, "you understand how close to the vest this needs to be played. If anything ever comes back to bite me or her, this would be a colossal mistake."

They ended the call. He walked for a few blocks and bent down to re-tie his shoe. As he started to stand up, he dropped his burner cell and fained accidentally bumping it with his shoe into the storm drain. He turned away and headed home.

He thought to himself, two down, one to go.

**XXX**

Before returning home for the week-end Senator Beckett had one last stop. It wouldn't delay her early departure.

"Senator a pleasure to meet you", Jack Walsh said extending his hand and a warm smile.

"Thank you Mr. Walsh, I'm sorry it took so long for us to arrange this meeting."

After the amenities, they got down to business.

"Tell me how you want the divorce to be handled?" He asked.

"I'm not sure I follow," she responded hesitantly.

"Senator, let me ask, does you husband know of your intention to separate?"

"No."

"When do you plan on discussing it with him?"

"I wanted to meet with you first, I have absolutely no experience of this process."

"Do you think your husband wants a divorce?"

"Honestly, I doubt he does."

"So you expect the divorce to be contested?"

"I hadn't thought that far."

"Senator, so it's you who want the separation?"

She couldn't respond immediately. Whatever side of the brain does the logical analysis, thought yes, if it would save him further heartache. But the heart side, offered only an emphatic, no.

"Senator?" Walsh said, attempting to pull her back from her whatever distracted her.

"Mr. Walsh I'm troubled by the harm I've caused my family. The bottom-line is that I caused the problem. I don't want that harm repeated. That's my goal, my only goal."

"Senator, I provide many people my counsel on this difficult process. But I can't remember the last time someone answered my question that way. It sounds like any action on my part would be premature."

"As hard as it will be, if you don't want a long protracted fight, you need to discuss these issues with your husband."

Walsh was quiet for a few beats, "Senator I'm not sure what you need can be provided through my services. That's not bad news, but again, I'd recommend you and Mr. Castle sit down and talk through...these things before any decision to separate should go forward legally."

She sat for a moment, then thanked him and headed for the airport. The meeting felt like a waste of time.

**XXX**

Rick met the plane on Friday evening, it was just 6 pm since Kate had gotten away earlier than normal. She planned to stay in New York until Tuesday morning, it would give her extra time at home and with the kids.

As she disembarked she saw him standing next to the family SUV. His face was a mask, set in stone. She felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. With caution she approached, he was always different when the kids were not around. No theater when it was just the two of them.

"So, how are the kids?" She asked, looking out at the city as he drove her home.

"They're good," He replied as he exited the airport telling her they'd be eating out tonight, alone.

She knew their talking had been delayed as long as possible. She had heard as much from Walsh already once today.

Before the conversation about them, she wanted to discuss Esposito's call early in the week.

"Castle I had a call from Esposito early this week." She continued to watch him and wait.

"How is he?" He asked, but did not turn to look at her.

"You scared the crap out of him, that's how he is." Her voice was taunt and he could tell she was trying to control it.

"Castle, what the hell were you thinking?"

Where would he begin? How could he explain his aching urge to reach and smash Lopez's face in ...no more than that...the world. He wanted to something to a pulp. The universe had taken his world and turned it up side down. Now he wanted to do the same. He felt like if he went on a rampage he could then re-assemble his disordered life. But he said nothing.

"Castle, why would you do that?" She now sounded fearful.

"What did you think you'd accomplish?"

He turned and stared coldly, "I guess I was just being territorial." He returned his attention to the road.

"What does that mean?" She asked with her voice teetering with frustration and anger again.

"You know Beckett, cats mark what's theirs...I want to mark what's mine."

"Mark with what?"

"Do you really want me to answer that question?" Still in the cold and restrained tone and without taking his eyes off the road.

"Yeah, I do."

"Blood Beckett, freakin blood."

She gasped softly upon hearing his answer, but remained silent.

"What did you expect Beckett?"

"Did you think I would just sail off happily into the sunset?" He voice was increasing in volume.

"Somebody takes my wife from me, blindsides me and …what do think I want to do?

"Kill Beckett! ...I want to kill..."

"I don't want a pound of flesh...I want pounds..."

"I want someone to bleed...the way my guts have been churning since laying eyes on those damn pictures."

"I want to tear up things, destroy...shake things...until...until my world comes back."

"How can you ask me that question Kate?"

She knew better than to say anything, he was not done.

"I want a world where my best friend, my partner...my wife...is those things again."

"Not this hell I'm living in…."

"Would killing Lopez help me...not likely"

"But you know...it might be worth a try!"

"Castle...Rick...don't say that..."

"Please don't make that kind of mistake...it's never worth it..."

"Beckett...I don't know anymore...it might be worth it."

"Listen...I don't want to talk about Espo, or anyone else. This evening is about us talking."

He had just pulled up to the Old Haunt.

"We're going to talk here?" She asked.

"I'll have some food prepared, we'll use my office down stairs. I'll tell Troy to not bother us."

"I'm going in first, I open the side door so no one will even know your here."

Castle exited the car and disappeared into the bar.

Kate sat and looked out at the hustle and bustle of Manhattan at night. It had always had it's own buzz of electricity, the masses seemed to collectively generate a unique and special vibe, she sensed none of that tonight. She had not laid it out for him, she would have to at least start tonight, time was up.

She noticed the door to the side entrance swing open. She saw Rick step out into the splinter of light. She exited the car and heard him set the alarm with his remote.

They made their way through the back corridor and then down the stairs to his private office. Despite the crowd up stairs. it was quiet, perhaps to quiet.

"What do you want eat Beckett?"

"Sandwich and green salad would be good."

"Corn beef on on rye OK? It's the special."

"That's fine."

He picked up the phone and ordered the two specials for them.

Within ten minutes there was a knock at the door and he walked up the stairs and accepted the tray of food. She heard him say " Thanks man."

"I only have soda and water down here, is that OK?"

"Waters fine Rick."

They ate in silence for few minutes, he did not sit, but moved around the room fidgeting over things with his free hand, and eating his half a sandwich with the other.

"Castle, sit." She suggested.

"I don't do sitting too well anymore."

She ate only half to the sandwich and picked at the salad. Castle thought she looked thinner.

"Kate have you lost weight?"

"I don't know, I haven't had much of an appetite lately."

He sat across from her in one of the chairs.

"I need the story Kate, I need it today."

She looked pained, "I'm not sure I know the story Castle."

"I've tried running the pieces, the logic over and over...I don't come up with anything as cohesive as...a story."

"You'll have to do better than that..."

"I know this, it's a bunch of things...a bunch of pieces."

"Then start at the beginning."

"I know that part of it probably goes back to my Father dying."

"Part has to do with my appointment to the Senate."

"You need to put those together for me..." Castle prodded.

"When he died, everything came apart for me."

"Not work, or home...not the kids...but my life framework..."

"Why didn't you tell me...why didn't you come to me?"

"I tried, but you were too busy, I was too busy, we were doing too many things."

"At first I thought I was just stressed...then I wondered if I was a bit crazy."

"But then it was more than crazy... it was like something shifted in me...about life and about time...how little of it we really have..."

"Give me an example, Kate, what do you mean?"

"Everybody knows they're going to die...everybody knows there's only so much time … but when Dad died it was as though...I couldn't handle the time issue anymore."

"I described it to Dr. Burke as 'claustrophobic' in time."

She shook her head, "I'm a homicide detective, if I'm anything...I've seen...we've seen hundreds of deaths...time running out for them..."

"But when it was my Dad who died...it's too much for me...that makes no sense I know..."

"One time Lanie told me, that every one of the people in her morgue had plans...had things they were going to do...but death stopped all that."

"I didn't think much of her observation...but now I do...it feels like a fog...chilling my bones."

"Beckett...I don't understand how this relates to the where we are today...this mess."

"Give a me a couple of minutes...let me lay out the pieces." She said, rolling her head back against the large leather sofa, staring at the ceiling.

"I felt like I was being pushed off the edge...no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake the feeling."

"Kate I've been here...not just the last 18 months but for nearly 20 years...why are you just telling me this today?"

"I tried to talk...but as you know I don't do that very well. I thought it would just go away...but it didn't."

"I'd only been in the new job with the Senate a few months...when he died...you remember all the craziness that went with that?"

"I think it was six months at the Senate...I remember because it was near AJ's birthday," he added.

"But Beckett, it's a giant leap from being pressured by the limits of...time...to where you ended up in those pictures."

She didn't even bother to look up at him, she knew he was right. How could she explain that she kept people out...because she didn't really need them. She liked solitude, liked the freedom of being her own person. He had barged into her life, stormed the walls, broke into her heart, then taken the keys. But she has always been reluctant. She had loved him, she had blossomed with him, but. The recluse in her, that private world was still there. She was still waiting for 'her time'. She wasn't different, she had changed, but on some levels always remained the same.

She wasn't exactly sure why she allowed the affair to happen. She didn't have feelings for Chris Lopez, she was acting out of pure selfishness. Running from some ghost and only using him as an escape from her own fears. It was a failure and she knew it immediately, but fought with herself over it.

Castle interrupted her thoughts, "You blindsided me with all of this. You gave up a single clue, I was...what's the phrase; 'fat, dumb and happy'...never saw this coming."

She winced at his description of himself. Trust and love, is not fat dumb and happy.

"And then a stranger is handing me pictures of …."

"Beckett do you have any idea what that was like? Without screaming, or throwing things, without tears or self-pity...do you have any idea how that felt?"

She looked at him and saw again that deep-rooted sorrow. She had seen it on very few occasions in their life together. She was certain, there was only one source for such pain, and as on all the prior occasions, she was the source.

Love and sorrow are not supposed to be linked together, not this way, but somehow she had been endowed with the ability to deeply cut him to tear at his heart.

Softy, barely above a whisper, " I don't know...I've tried to imagine it...but I can't."

"Get on with your story Beckett...give me something to make sense out of."

"Before the Senate, there were things...things that started, or stopped...life had taken some unexpected turns."

"Castle, this is not a defense, but are you serious when you say...you saw no warnings of this?"

"No! Beckett, no warning. I never thought this could happen to us. I honestly believed we were bullet proof on this front."

"What's the old saying, about pride before you fall? He groaned as he said it.

"Beckett I didn't see it as pride...in what...I thought we had...but security because of what we'd been through."

"You knew my screwed up martial history...I had been through enough marital hell...I was not looking for anymore...so no I never saw this..."

"Castle," she stretched his name out, expressing her exasperation.

"That's not what I'm asking...did you see things...did you think we were doing just fine?"

"Maybe not everything, looking back, I could see wear and tear...I accepted the fact that we were both busy, sharing the responsibility the kids...yeah things were really hectic. But I never, never would've associated that with which you did...what you've done to us."

She wasn't going to go to 'what she'd done' yet, she needed for him to at least see some of the things she thought partly explained it!

"You remember at the beginning...I mean our beginning...when I talked about...that I don't let people in...that I had too many walls...that your pursuit of me was dangerous?"

"Beckett, I don't care about back then...it's too remote..."

"You realize we're less than five miles from our...Beckett our three kids...who rely upon us and who need us? So 15 years ago...it just doesn't matter."

He was up again, pacing about the room, hands locked behind his head, as if he were trying to stretch out some the stiffness in his neck.

"Beckett, if our life was a car...it would be a total wreck. Somehow in less than four months...it's been broken into unidentifiable pieces..."

"I'm trying to figure out...trying to get from you ...the why...and if there is any hope for us..."

"But you still have not told me anything...or why, your 'one and done', has been left... standing outside the circle of you...of us...you haven't told me why you..."

"The one who for years I considered my very closest friend...and how you could do me such dirt.." His voiced cracked with emotion.

"It's not just that I've been married three times...been either cheated on...or dumped by all three wives..."

"Yeah... my dreams do come true...but so do my nightmares...apparently you can't have one without the other..."

"But you...you Beckett...you were different...you weren't like the rest...you gave me hope...that I could get this right...just once in my life...and that just wasn't the case...I was on a fool's errand."

He continued when she said nothing, "I'm too old to not know that I have some degree of responsibility here...have I been a perfect husband? There's no such thing... but I'm not taking the blame for this mess."

"Castle...I'm not asking you to take the blame..."

"Screw blame Beckett, just tell me the story, tell me why!"

"Rick, I'm trying...just let me talk..."

She slowly started again, "When we put the staff together in DC I had talked about how well you were doing...how the book signing were really helping sales and about your connection with the fans..."

"After I talked about it... I began to get YouTube video clips the staff had found on line...or personal interest stories from the news...there were a lot them."

"It's my job, Kate...it's how I live...how we live."

"Castle, please...let me finish."

"I noticed over and over...you were having a wonderful time...all your fans...the young... even middle-aged women...were coming up to you...you'd sign their books, they'd hand you slips of paper...they'd hand you cards and...and again you were that movie star mode I had seen so many years ago..."

"Yeah I'd come to know you were not like that...but in the YouTube videos...you'd assumed the role again...I felt like I was being left behind."

"When we would get together...we were so tired we could hardly sit up...the idea of sex...was out of the question. Our intense...passionate love life had been set aside for... our other responsibilities in life...and I missed that."

"Over time...as I looked at the videos...I really began to wonder...because you weren't paying much attention to me...not like the people...the women in the videos...so I thought something was going on with you, apart from me."

"You've got to be kidding me! Why in the world would I look at another woman...why Kate? Have you ever...ever seen me looking at someone else?" Anger again was driving his voice.

"You asked for this story...do you want to hear it, or argue with me?"

"No, no, tell me the story!" He just signed heavily and slumped into a chair.

"As I watched this I really began to wonder if you were being faithful to me."

"I have loved our early years together...I loved being special...loved being your irresistible wife."

"But that seemed to get lost somewhere between AJ and Lanie."

"I went from your irresistible...to a mother...from fancy clothes to sweats..."

"And I watched the fire go out in your eyes..."

"I began to doubt and see myself as undesirable to you."

"And then Dad's death...suddenly I was in a panic. My husband didn't look at me like he used to...I was running out of time..."

"I had gone from the "Belle of the Ball" to hired help...yeah we still did the banter and we still had fun... but I felt that along the way...we'd lost us."

"You used to ask me about so many things...decisions you were trying to make...you wanted my input...then there came a point when you didn't talk to me about those things anymore."

"We had slipped into a pattern of living and loving...but it was nothing I had ever dreamed would happen to us."

Castle was surprise maybe shocked, he couldn't believe what he was hearing in this monologue. It was so far off base, it was so convoluted, so far from his concept of their life . He'd never even considered it. How could she make this leap?

"When I was confirmed with the Senate everything changed...I'm not blaming you for encouraging me to take the position, it was not a mistake on paper...but clearly it was a mistake for me...for where my head was...I now think I was just ripe for the picking."

"It was not what I expected. In most of your life, you argue with people over what's right and what's not. In the Senate you take on a role, almost like putting your hand in a glove, and suddenly you're perceived as someone who's a genius. Yeah people hate you, they want your job, they criticize you..but for many, what you say...what you think is deemed... nearly the voice of God. You haven't changed, but what they want to see has..."

"Beckett!"...she held up her hand, telling him to wait.

"Years ago I asked you how money changed you...and you said, it doesn't change you, it just magnifies who you are."

"You said it, in such a matter of fact way...it's haunted me over the last 18 months in the Senate."

"I thought I was immune from flattery, I thought as a detective...I always saw right through the obsequious conduct of people...just another means of garnering an edge with me. But in the Senate...it flows like water."

"Somebody tells you that everything you think...everything about you is "genius"... you start to believe it...and worse...you begin to love the sound of people telling you how good...how exceptional you are."

"But something else happens, you begin to not only need the praise...but you sense a right to it."

"I found that I had a life that was autonomous from you and the kids. I was able to ask for and and have anything I wanted. Many people were helpful but many were looking to get something in return."

"As we grew busier... and spent less and less time with one another... we started drifting off course."

"I questioned more and more if you were being faithful, I wondered why you didn't throw yourself at me...the way you used to ...as ridiculous as the sounds I found myself jealous...of your time away...even jealous of your boundless affection for the kids...is that stupid or what?"

"I took these things, flattery, loneliness, the loss of the sense of being special...and my nearly psychotic fear of time and death, and somehow morphed into a needy lonely person."

"For the first eight months I ignored the subtle advances of my aide, she could not bring herself to even say his name, and then I crossed the line..."

"...I can't explain it...it was never right for me...I..."

Castle watched as she unraveled, he knew she was done. Exhaustion had won the battle. He needed to get her home, let her sleep.

"Beckett it's been a long day...we're both worn out. Lets get you home. I'm going to make some arrangements in the morning, we need some more time."

"Rick, where will we find more time?" She asked.

"We'll take what we can get...we're going to the Hampton's tomorrow.."

Castle was angry and confused by her tale. He had demanded that she explain, he wasn't sure what she was going to say, but this was not it. But he was also too tired, he needed time to digest her words.


	14. Chapter 14

**New York City **

**The Hamptons**

**Winter 2025**

**Chapter 14**

Saturday morning at the Castles was full of energy, Anna, AJ, and Lanie were wound-up and excited to see their Mom.

Breakfast was typical pancakes and assorted goodies. Castle made the rounds, while delivering fresh batches hot off the grille, plying both the children and their Mother with kisses.

Anna was particularly excited, she had been invited to a slumber party, her first. Her Dad had meticulously checked with the mother who had set up the party, it was for one of Anna's schoolmates. He was confident that she was in a safe environment and would have a good time.

Earlier in the morning he'd contacted Alexis who agreed that she and Jake would take AJ and Lanie for Saturday and Sunday night. In the event there were any problems, Martha had agreed to serve as back up, just in case something came up.

Castle and Beckett packed their overnight bags and headed to Alexis' to deliver the two younger children. Martha had Anna until the party later that day.

This was the first encounter between Beckett and Alexis since the news conference nearly three weeks ago.

Castle chatted with Jake and Kate explained to Alexis the things she'd packed in the bags for the kids. Lanie and AJ had spent enough time at the half-sister's house to know she had a room just for them. They liked that she had saved a whole room for their play things.

Suddenly Beckett and Alexis were alone with nothing more to talk about. It immediately became an awkward moment, Alexis seized the opportunity.

"Kate I'm glad to see that you and Dad are going to the Hampton's for some time together."

"I've really been worried about him over the last few weeks." Alexis looked down at the ground.

When she looked up it was clear the suppressed anger was about to be unleashed.

"I can't find words to tell you how angry I am Kate."

"You know the power you have over him..."

"And no one… no one Kate…can hurt him like you do." Alexis nostril flared as she delivered her point.

"I thought you loved him? How could you do this?" Her tone full of anger.

"Why would you do this Kate?"

"You have the charmed life…why wasn't that enough?" She stopped speaking for a few seconds.

Kate jumped in, "Alexis it's very hard for me to explain this mess… I'm not even sure there's even a good explanation…"

"Your father and I are trying to sort things out…"

Alexis caught her breath, "Is there really much to sort out… You have three wonderful children...they need you and Dad, period, end of story."

"You need to do everything possible to fix this and to make amends!"

"I don't disagree with you Alexis...I just don't know if it's that simple…"

"What are you saying Kate?"

"I'm just not sure…how things are going to go…it's not just up to me."

"Kate, do you not love him?" Alexis pled.

"I do love him Alexis…"

"As I told you in the past…I'm not sure I'm the best thing for your dad…"

"Isn't it a little late for that?"

"Anna, AJ, Lanie...mean that's not really an issue...at least not for the next 20 years…"

"You two have to fix this thing… that's the only option?"

"Alexis there are many possible outcomes…fixing it would be the best."

"Kate, if you even think there are other possible outcomes...you're essentially dooming the possibility of fixing it at all…"

"Tell me another outcome that makes any sense for your children...my brother and my sisters?"

Kate looked away and wished she could escape this conversation. She didn't know the answers, and was powerless to discuss how it might be resolved. She and Castle had a lot of things to work out, a lot to talk about.

The divorce thing still lingered in the back of her mind, she just didn't think divorce was a real option. Clearly in Alexis' mind a divorce was never an option.

The men returned and were laughing about something one of them had said.

"Beckett, you ready to go?" He said turning to look at her, and sensing the stress filled room they had just walked into.

She looked at Castle and Alexis, paused for a moment, "Yeah I'm ready...I just need to say goodbye to the kids," and headed for the playroom.

Castle turned to Alexis, raising his eyebrow, suggesting a question to her about what had just happen. She responded, "Dad, just have a good trip."

**XXX**

From Manhattan to the Southampton is 92 miles It is some of the most beautiful scenery in the world. Not rugged like the California and Oregon coastlines but serene with green forests and glens meeting the rugged and mighty Atlantic.

Castle loved the drive, he preferred the Sunrise Highway, Route 27 instead of the Long Island Expressway. He was not in a rush. On this road, every mile seemed to peel away the burdens of the City. He used an IPod with lots of old music, picking _Coldplay_ and listened to the flowing syncopated arpeggios of "_Clocks," _he struggled to keep his foot off the accelerator. The song made him want to to fly, to soar. He hummed the rolling "da, da, da...da, da, da, da, da...da's", and looked over at Beckett as she lay back in her seat, slightly inclined and smiling as he softly sang.

"You're a happy camper today Mr. Castle", she said lightly.

"That I am...I love this road, the music...it makes me feel young again..."

"And you know I'm not..." He laughed.

"Well you're certainly not old."

"No, I'm not...but this is an old song...released probably five or six years before I even met you...a lifetime ago..."

When it ended, he hit replay and sang along, she chimed in at the end on..."Home, home where I wanted to go...Home, home where I wanted to go."

Castle glanced over at her as she sang softly, eyes closed, her face reflecting strain, a tear was leaking down her cheek. He involuntarily reached out to wipe it off, but thought again and pulled back.

When the song ended they drove in silence.

"Hey we're near East Patchogue lets stop and see if that coffee place is still around, I could use a cup."

She sat up putting a smile back on her face, "Me too."

Instead of the old place, they found a new coffee house, another bean addict, hoping to fix the woes of life, one cup at a time. The coffee was strong, perfectly brew. He bought Kate muffin tops, one blueberry and one apple, to share.

"Man Beckett, these are to die for!", his mouth half full of blueberries. "We should get some more."

"Castle...we'll weigh a ton...anything that tastes this good, should not be eaten." She laughed, just having fun.

He laughed to, trying not to spit muffin.

She shook her head, "Pig!"

**XXX**

They roamed around but within an hour stopped in Mastic Beach. Again it was a restaurant they had been to before and as usual the fish and chips were perfect.

Castle doused his fries in malt vinegar.

Kate protested, "You did that so I couldn't steal from you...you know I hate malt vinegar!"

He laughed, " You honestly think I would do that?"

"No question in my mind?" she beamed back.

Castle relished the old style banter. He had missed it so. They had always had such wonderful rhythm together. He remembered parts of their first conversation, so many years ago, it had started even then.

"Just to prove I'm not selfish, how bout you split a hot apple pie à la mode with me?"

"Castle, are you kidding?, we can't eat our way all the way to the Hampton's."

"Who says...who made that rule?"

He ordered the pie, they split it.

As they made their way north again she groaned, " I'm so stuffed...why did you make me eat that pie."

"Make you?"

"Listen Castle...we are not eating again today, you hear me?"

He just smiled, "We'll see."

**XXX**

The two-hour drive had taken five hours. The many stops delayed the arrival at their home until after dark. The caretaker had turned on the lights and certainly stocked the frig with things Castle said he needed from the store.

As they pulled into the drive way, Kate awoke from a short nap. The sound of the tires on the gravel drive-way had roused her. She sat up and looked at the house bathed in floodlights and a light fog drifting in from the ocean, it was stunning.

Through a sleepy voice, "Castle...this sight always surprises me...it's just so beautiful...almost surreal."

"Yeah, me too."

They unloaded the car and settled in.

"Beckett, can I fix you something?" He voice was mirth laden.

"Shut-up Castle"

"If you bring any food near me...I'll hurt you." She continued, "But...you know what I'd really love, a bath."

"Relax for a few minutes, I'll get it started for you." He headed off.

After the bath and despite her protests there was more food. He had laid out slices of various cheeses, brioche and assorted crackers. A bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon was decanting with two glasses set nearby.

Beckett came into the kitchen, her feet slippered, dark leggings and a purple sweatshirt. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. His heart sagged under the ache.

"Really Castle, this is your idea of no food," with air quotes.

"This is just wine and some hors d'oeuvres, not food." He smiled and lifted up an empty wine glass.

"Only half..please," rolling her eyes in surrender.

They nibbled at the savory foods and drank wine as they sat on the sofa. The night was cool, but he'd cracked the doors at the rear deck so they could hear the sounds of the ocean.

"Hey how bout a movie?" He asked.

"That's fine, what do have in mind?

"Can you bear _It's a Wonderful Life_?"

"Why that one?"

"We never got to it at Christmastime ...I owe George Bailey one lap in my head."

She smirked at his reasoning, "It'll do."

As the movie was playing, Castle grabbed Kate a blanket, the open door had chilled the room, but they agreed it was worth the sounds that lightly poured in from the sea.

She 'd teepeed the blanket pulling it up over her knees and shoulders.

They watched in silence as George Bailey discounted his life, moved to the edge of the bridge, and leaped. Both were lost in private thoughts over the scene.

At 3:45 am Castle looked at the clock, he was disoriented at first and felt a weight against him. Looking down he saw Kate, wrapped around his torso. He was not sure how she had gotten there, or how they had become so entangled. He slid down a little more to relieve the angle of her head and neck. She was between his legs and sprawled across his chest, but now not fully covered by their single blanket. The room was cold. He reached across her, pulled it up to cover both of them. She groaned slightly and shifted, but never woke.

He decided to wait a few minutes. With her and the blanket he was warm again. He'd move her upstairs later.

The next thing he knew was that the room was lighter now, and colder. Again he felt something pressing against him. He forced his eyes open, realizing he had fallen back to sleep. She was now up under his chin, still wrapped around him.

He sat up some, trying not to wake her. She made a noise but remained asleep. With difficulty, he carefully disentangled himself, and stood.

He looked down, again awash in sadness. He covered her and closed the doors, then headed up to the shower. It was 7:45, there were places he wanted to go, things to see.

At 8:30 he returned to the den, she was still sleeping. He placed the cup of hot steaming coffee on the table across from sofa, "Hey Beckett, time to rise and shine."

She stirred and groaned, "Castle...what time is it?"

"8:45...breakfast in 15 minutes, come-on...get up." He returned to the kitchen and to attend the bacon he was cooking.

She staggered in a few minutes later, still trying to push away sleep. "Coffee is wonderful...thank you."

"You're welcome. Sleep OK?"

"Best night of sleep in a long time."

"I take it I feel asleep on the sofa during the movie."

"Yeah, you did."

"Thanks for covering me up."

"You bet, now you ready for some food?"

"I am...the bacon smells delicious."

**XXX**

On Sunday afternoon they drove northeast to Sag Harbor. They'd been to its Annual Harbor Festival several times. It was much quieter without the Festival crowds that would flood the city for the big event.

They strolled past shops, bought coffee and just relaxed. The talked about Anna growing and how AJ was doing in school. They were both surprised that Lanie was coming up quickly on three and wondered where the time had gone?

As they stopped for a second cup of coffee and looked out into the harbor Kate asked, "Castle...I thought we came here to talk about us...we haven't done any of that..."

"Kate, you gave me a lot to consider on Friday night...I'm still processing...lets just relax today."

She smiled, but fear was creeping about. The last 24 hours had been too good...and all things good had abandoned her of late.

"Hey we have two choices for this evening," he interpreted her thoughts, "We can drive to the Backyard Restaurant for dinner, or I can stop and get a couple of steaks to BBQ..."

"What would you prefer?"

"If we could just stay at the house...that would be great" He noticed the weariness in her eyes, the worry-lines were back.

"Let's get back to the car, we'll head for home."

**XXX**

After dinner, they found themselves out on the deck, watching the sky darken, both knowing their time alone was coming to an end. They'd be heading back in the morning so they could have some time with the kids before Kate headed back to DC.

When it was too dark and getting too cool, they returned to the den.

"OK, Beckett...choices for you tonight...that classic sci-fi , _Firefly_, or something more serious, _CBGB_ about the Bowery club were Punk Rock music premiered eons ago."

"Lets go light..._Firefly_!"

He countered, "Yeah but there's this actress that looks a lot like you in_ CBGB!"_

"I'm right here Castle...you don't need to see someone who looks like me in a movie...let's watch _Firefly_."

She again fell asleep before the movie ended. This time as she slid over onto him, he moved, placed a pillow under her head and covered with the blanket.

He sat in the dark, watching her sleep. It had been such a wonderful day and a half with her. As he listened to her breath softly he wondered what was next.

After two hours of thinking and contemplating, he went to the master bedroom and tossed and turned until sleep took him.

**XXX**

They departed at 10 the next morning. She was quiet.

"Kate, are you OK?"

"No...my heart tells me somethings wrong...but you're holding back on me."

"Let's get something to drink," he said a little later, and pulled into a small coffee-house and ordered two cups to go. She remained in the car.

They drove for a few minutes until the he found a vista that provided a scenic view of the Atlantic.

"Castle...tell what's on your mind...I can hear the gears grinding."

"I thought about all the things you said on Friday Kate..."

"The Senate, your Dad's death, our busy life, our drifting apart and..."

He was silent, held the cup of coffee to his lips, and closed his eyes, taking in the aroma, hoping it would ease the aching in his gut. He had decided early in the morning what he had to say. He had struggled with the words. He knew there was no other way, but he didn't want to say them, he still wanted to hope.

"Castle..."

"I"m sorry Kate", he paused again, "But none of what you said made any sense to me..."

"I haven't drifted...I don't love you any less...I'm sorry about your Dad and how hard it been...but your explanation...your story makes no sense..."

"Castle...you asked me to tell you the story...I tried...I was honest with you..."

"Rick...I...I don't know what you want..."

"I need fresh air. Lets get out and stand up for a few minutes." He flung open his door and moved to the front of the SUV, leaning back against the grill, staring out at the sight. In a minute or so, she joined him.

"Rick...what do want me to say?"

He turned and to look at her, she also turned to face him, her heart nearly stopped. What she saw was his face, now a mask of agony, it shocked her.

She moved closer, put her hand on his chest, "Rick...what's wrong...tell me...what's wrong?"

"Beckett...I'm have a difficult time...a hard time finding the words...or just saying the words..."

"What words, Rick...just tell me!"

Then softly he said, "We're done."

As thought she had not heard or misunderstood, she implored..."What Castle...what did you say?"

"We're done Beckett...were over!"

She dropped the cup of coffee she held in her hand, and leaned forward, her hands on her knees, as though she was about to vomit. He heard her let out an agonizing cry. She was struggling to breathe, gasping for air and started to pitch forward, he reached out and caught her, preventing a fall.

He pulled her up right, her face was already covered in tears, she gasped again like she'd had the air knocked out of her. Her eyes were wide and full of fright.

He was momentarily scared for her, "Kate...Kate...you need to breathe slowly...slowly...stop hyperventilating."

She grabbed at his coat, he pulled her into an embrace.

In a plaintive voice she cried, "No Rick...please God...no Rick...please...please don't say that..."

She rocked in his arms and sobbed..."No...no ...no."

He was the dutiful husband and she sobbed and shook, he continued to enfolded her in his arms like a child. He did not let go, letting the pain run it's course, waiting for the biting edge to subside.

"Please Castle!", her voice cracking as she tried to steady her breathing.

"Please don't do this Rick...please don't send me away..."

"Rick...I'll do anything...anything to make this up to you..."

"I'm sorry..I'm so sorry..." again she was silenced by her own sobbing.

He waited and held her.

When she regained some composure, she begged again, "I'll do anything you say...anything to prove I can be trusted again..." and as though fully spent, she calmed in his arms.

He spoke softly into her ear, " Kate...Kate my love...I'm not sending you away...you're the one who has left us..."

"We haven't gone anywhere..."

"We've been here the whole time...but you...you've moved on..."

"You're addicted to power and to beauty Beckett...you use them against...everyone..."

"The problem with your beauty is...you wield it like a sword. It shines bright in the light..."

"It blinds both friend and foe."

"I thought I'd gotten beyond it's power...thought you were secure enough to let down the mask...to let me in...but I was wrong."

"The whole affair was about another affirmation of its power..."

"A test...of you're power over a man Beckett..."

"You're ability to bend someone's will...like mass bends light."

"Rick, please...please don't say that...please..."

"Kate at the end of the day...for you...for everyone on this planet...no matter what you do...ditch digger...beautiful actress...or even a Senator...when the lights go out at night…"

"The test of your worth...is who's beside you?"

"Who holds your hand in the dark...who loves you when there's no light to reflect anything but you...that's tells you who you really are Beckett..."

"But in your case...the one that sleeps with you...is just you...the stunning beautiful you."

"That's why we're done.."

"You have no need...maybe no capacity to love..."

"Not me...not our kids."

"Our life together was not enough to affirm your worth..."

"In the end...love didn't cut it for you Kate.."

"No Rick...no you're wrong..."

"I am a mess...but I've never loved anyone like you..."

"Beckett, stop! You're not facing the truth of what you've done ...and why you did it." It was not anger in his voice, but resignation.

"What you wanted...what you needed...were worshipers at the shrine...the shrine of you.."

" And in the end, a husband's love was just not enough."


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Thanks for all your reviews and comments. **

**As always I'm thankful for the characters ABC, Mr. Marlowe and his team have created, they're a blast to work with and weave these stories around. The real deal starts in two weeks, 'miles to go before I rest.' **

* * *

**New York City**

**Washington DC**

**Winter 2025**

**Chapter 15**

The rest of the drive home from the Hamptons had been very quiet. Kate closed her eyes and attempting to sleep, but failed. Castle did not bother her, but knew, from the rhythm of her breathing, she was still awake.

After 30 minutes, she sat up and asked,"Why did we do this weekend?"

Castle looked over at the sad emerald eyes. There was no anger in her question, but a deep despair painted her face, he winced over her expression.

"Kate...I didn't come here this weekend to do harm...I had no secret agenda...I wanted drastically to just be alone...alone with the hope that we could put things back together again."

He paused, the conversation at the beach early was still raw in his mind. It had taken its toll on him, just like it had on her. He meant words, but there was no joy, no satisfaction in telling the news. He didn't have it in him to add anymore to his wife's sad state. She had clearly bottomed out emotionally.

"The more I considered the things," he paused to find the words, "the things you told me on Friday night...the clearer it became to me...that we could not go on together."

Now she winced at his words, another tear slipping down her cheek.

He knew he needed to explain it to her, better than he had done thus far, "While you slept on Sunday night, I sat and watched you for several hours. As you lay there, I was finally struck by the great loss, what had really been taken from us. But you didn't seem to see it. You're reasons were excuses Kate, not the actual reasons for this mess."

He continued, "I was so upset, I didn't want to accept where we were...what had been happening ...but finally, I accepted it...still arguing with myself that I could fix it...but knew I couldn't. We're not on the same page on this, we're seeing it from completely different views."

"Kate, I thought about the reasons you gave me …replayed them, over and over...of how they led to your..." But now his voice was gone, he could not bring himself to say 'betrayal' or 'affair' again. He was the victim of this great betrayal, the reality had lashed at him like a whip. He refused to even speak the words again.

" I knew...by your reasoning...that we were irreparably broken...that I could fight reality no more...I had to accept it, that you had left me...and I have to move-on."

She was silent for a while and then with the voice of resignation said, "What do you want me to tell Adriana?"

"Nothing!" His answer was quick and without hesitation.

"Kate, there's nothing to tell her. I didn't stand before the Washington press corps and lie to them."

"When I told them that I would stand with you, I meant it. We will complete your re-election process, together."

He turned to look at her, "Our lives are bound together in so many ways...the kids...your run for the Senate, and the many responsibilities for "us," that continue despite the catastrophe of our personal lives."

"Kate, I've always told you, this is bigger than us...I mean that, we have to go forward, we told the press to stay out of our personal business, nothing changes that."

After a bit more quiet, she said softly, "I'd planned to leave early tomorrow morning for DC, but I'd like to move that to the afternoon, if you can do the arrangements with the plane."

"Kate, the plane will be there...whenever you need it."

**XXX**

When they arrived back in the city, he dropped Kate off at the loft and headed to Alexis and Jake's house to pick-up AJ and Lanie. When he got there, Alexis was happy to see him and said that Jake and the kids were down the street at the park, they'd be back in a few minutes.

"So how did it go Dad?" Her face reflecting hope.

He looked at her wishing he could avoid this conversation, "Do you remember the beginning of _Dickens A Tell of Two Cities?_ 'It was the best of times it was the worst of times."

"What does that mean Dad?"

"After a lot of thinking, and a lot of consideration, I told Kate, we were done."

"You what?" She looked as if she'd been physically struck.

"I told her we were finished!" Looking up at the ceiling.

After a moment he turned back and looked at the face of his daughter. She'd cupped her face in her hands, but could not hide the flow of tears. He pulled her into a hug as she cried against his shoulder.

"Dad…Dad", But she could not finish the sentence.

"Alexis my love, if there was any other way, I would've chosen it, but unfortunately Kate's made all the choices. And now I have to live with them."

**XXX**

Upon their return to the loft they were greeted by Martha, Anna, and Kate as they all sat together on the sofa, deep in conversation. All with long, sad faces.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Hoping he could lighten the obviously serious mood.

"Richard." Martha greeted him with restraint, clearly not happy.

"Hi Daddy," Anna said, jumping up from the sofa to give her father a hug.

Meanwhile AJ and Lanie ran to Mom, launched themselves onto the sofa beside her and began talking at the same time. Kate smiled at the gleeful reception.

With the children in the room, the mood immediately grew brighter. Martha said she was heading to for her room and that she'd talk with them in a bit.

The rest of the afternoon was pleasant. The elephant in the room, had been pushed to the corner and a few hours it was life as usual.

In the evening while Kate prepared the younger ones for bed, Anna came to her Dad and stood in front of his desk, "Daddy what's wrong with mom? I don't like it when she cries. What happened Daddy?"

"Anna," reaching his arms out for her, but struggling with just how much he could tell his nine-year-old daughter, without burdening her with the problems of adulthood, "Your Mom and I are trying to work things out, it was a very difficult weekend for us."

He pushed back to look at her and to provide assurance, but instead saw tears running down his daughter's cheeks, he instinctively pulled her back in the embrace.

"Sweetie, we'll work things out. But Anna, always remember your Mom and I love you and we always will."

"Daddy, have you stopped loving Mom?"

"Anna, I will always love your Mom."

**XXX**

The children had all gone to bed, Castle was putting some dishes and cups in the dishwasher. Kate had gone to take a bath and he was alone in the kitchen. He welcomed the silence. It had been a long day, with little sleep the night before. He didn't think he could be any more tired.

He saw his mother descending the stairs, inwardly sighed, but immediately saw the worried look on her face.

"Mother, I thought you'd gone to bed?"

"Richard, I'm afraid your mother hasn't been sleeping well for a while."

As she sat at the counter, she planted an elbow and placed her chin in her hand. He knew he was still not done with this day. He didn't even bother to ask what was on her mind.

"Mother," he took a deep breath, "You know I'd do anything to save my marriage," he paused, finding himself momentarily nauseated by the his own words, "But my hands are tied, there's nothing I can do."

"Richard," her words crowded by emotion, "That does not stop your mother's heart from being broken. I love you, and I love Kate, you two have given me such gifts in those wonderful grandchildren." For the first time in many years Castle watched as his, the-show-must-go-on mother, stepped from behind the mask, put down her head and cried.

He didn't know what to do, but moved around the counter, placed his arm around his Mom, and stood beside her as she cried. He could think of nothing to say.

Later as he prepared for bed, he thought about books he had written. The times he'd struggled to just give a chapter a name. Shaking his head, he thought, if today were a chapter, it would've been called 'House Of Tears.' He had seen his wife, his eldest daughter, his middle daughter Anna and now his Mother all rendered to tears over his decision. He just needed sleep.

He realized, there were no beds in the house that were empty. His Mom was in the guest room, Kate was in the master, so he'd get the sofa.

He was asleep within minutes of laying down, but discovered, the much-needed sleep would be not last long. There were more visitors on his schedule for today, but not among the living.

He looked at his watch, it was only 12:15, he had been asleep for less than an hour. Somewhere on the hard drive of his brain, Roy Montgomery and he had been having a conservation, the Captain was telling, or making, Castle promise to keep Beckett safe. Before Castle could respond, Jim Beckett stepped into his mental video clip, "Rick, she can be hard to deal with, she's her Mother's daughter. But promise me you'll love and keep her safe, always." Castle heard voices, shouts and awoke to his own voice, 'I'm trying, I'm trying."

"Castle, you OK?"

He opened his eyes to Kate. She'd wrapped herself in a small blanket and sat on the edge of the coffee table next to the sofa."You were yelling, I could hear from the bedroom, and you kept calling for me."

"I'm sorry. Just having a dream or something." He put his hand on her knee, "Thanks, go back to sleep Kate."

**XXX**

She drove the SUV to the rear of the office building where she saw Dr. Burke for her session. She arrived early and sat in the dark of the parking basement, it would give her a few minutes to clear her head.

She was thankful the doctor was willing to accommodate her busy schedule, especially on such short notice. She hated crowding into the schedule, but she needed to see him before she left town.

She had woke early in this morning. She thought about Castle on the sofa and his dream, she had no idea what that was about. She crept by as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake him, she knew he needed to sleep.

She made coffee and drank it in the dark kitchen. The loft was so quiet while the rest of the house slept. She still ached from Castles news from yesterday. But she woke up to feelings that had surprised her. While it hurt, she was not as defeated as she was yesterday, she would not let go easily. She felt she'd gone from a defensive mind-set, to offensive. She was determined and with Dr. Burke's help, she'd get to the bottom of her bizarre conduct. She'd fix herself, but most importantly, she'd fix things with Castle.

She now, albeit to late, admitted to herself how stupid she had been. How far off course she had gone. There were no excuses. Her thinking had been clouded by, something, she wasn't sure what, but she'd turned a corner. What she had done was more than wrong, but she would not remain stuck there, she would do whatever was required to get well. She'd dredge up any skeleton in her closet, fix it and get her husband back.

As the session with Dr. Burke began, she told him about the events of the weekend and how Castle had concluded, that they "were done." She told him she could not accept this and pledged to Castle to do whatever was needed to get well. She would seek his forgiveness and ask him to let her back into his heart.

She explained how stunned she was at the force, the impact of his news on her. She thought 'an end' was a possibility, but hoped it would never come to that. He'd always been relentless in his pursuit of her, she hoped he would not change, not give up on her. She was devastated. She had cried uncontrollably. Castle had comforted her, held her in his arms, she mused at this, such irony, since she was the source of his heart-break. She felt like a wretch.

When Burke asked about her saying, just weeks ago, that she could not ask for Castle's forgiveness, she admitted she had been wrong, feeling sorry for herself, or maybe just embarrassed at being discovered. But when he'd told her it was over, she'd panicked, she'd begged for his forgiveness and offered to do anything to fix the mess, anything to earn back his trust.

"That's a significant change Kate, why?"

"Because I understood, and maybe too late, just remembered how important he is to me..."

"Doctor, do you know how tedious it is to make the same mistakes over and over? To discover that you're a terrible learner, or maybe even unteachable?" Exasperation painting in her voice.

"I know I caused this. But not sure why. I see the old patterns, the doing my own thing, and shutting people out."

"Doctor, I still feel betrayed by love."

"I honestly thought it would end all this foolishness...this selfish me thing, but it didn't and I want to know why..."

"But even more than why, I want to make it right with him.."

I want to convince him, that he's safe with me...that he can trust...trust his heart with me again."

She went on, "My change of heart came because, despite my stupidity, I cannot stand the thought of a life without him."

She was quite while she mulled the thoughts over in her head.

"He told me, I'd always wielded my beauty against him, against everyone like a sword, and…"

"And the reason for my affair, was that I wanted to test it, to test...the power of my beauty against someone else, to see if it still worked."

"What do you think about that Kate?

She seemed to hear a different question and pressed on, "I've learned to rely, to trust his observations, his perceptions of things, over my own..."

"He's been the only person in my life to push, and push, and not give up until he gets through to me..."

"I need to listen to what he's saying, and if he says that I've used beauty, that I've wielded it against him, I need to listen to him..."

She stopped suddenly, "I'm sorry, I didn't answer your question. I got lost for a second."

"How do I feel about his allegation? I hate that idea, it makes me," and she paused, "disgustingly shallow."

"Doctor, I don't see myself as beautiful, nor do I think I would use it against people, but..."

Dr. Burke broke into the narrative, "Are you sure?

"What you mean? She seemed surprised by his question.

He went on, "Look at your life, your friends, how many close friends are women?

After a long pause, she looked up at the doctor and said, "One."

"And why is that Kate?"

"I just get along better with men." She looked slightly embarrassed by her answer.

The doctor pressed on, "What kind of relationships do you have with men? Is it between equals, or do you dominant the relationships?"

Again a long pause, "I would say, I tend to...to be in a position of authority."

"How do you maintain the authority?"

"Doctor, I don't know the answer," already impatient with this line thought, "but this I know, I need your help."

The Doctor smiled inwardly, this one going to take some time. She was still equal parts impatience and strong-will, somethings never change.

"Kate, you understand, you and Castle built a house together. It was your life, it was built on trust. But, by your conduct, you tore the house down, and you did that alone. And now, you'll have to put it back together. Unfortunately you won't have his help, at least not for a long time."

"Kate, are you really ready to tackle this? Are you willing to go through all the work it will take?"

"I am, I need to do my best. I can't delay and I want to succeed."

She concluded, "I'm not certain he'll ever respond to me again…but I will not give up."

**XXX**

Becket returned to Washington DC on Tuesday afternoon. In the harsh world of politics, she found her resolve with Dr. Burke had dissipated and she was left with only the painful heart ache. She was acutely aware of just how far she had fallen and how alone she was without her husband. She had many things to focus on, but she struggled to shift from 'them' to her work. By Wednesday afternoon, others were seeing the same problem.

Adrianna Jones, Chief of Staff, considered her options. This had been a difficult undertaking, without all the recent baggage, to assist a non-political person as they tried to step-up to the task of taking on one of the most powerful positions in the nation. What most politicians had garnered in street-sense over years of political wrangling, Kate Beckett had never even thought about. Her world had been criminal investigations, not political gamesmanship, Adrianna's knew the task would never be easy. She had no idea it could be this hard.

The Senator had returned from a long week-end at home. Something had happen. She was distracted and emotional, which was not her normal personality. Adrianna thought it was no doubt the continuing fall-out from the Lopez incident. The impact was probably taking a toll at home. She needed the Senator attention but wasn't getting it. She needed to act, and fast.

He saw the screen on his cell phone light up before it even rang. He recognized the DC area code, but not the number, "Hello?" Sounding more tentative than he intended.

"Mr. Castle, this is Adriana Jones, you probably didn't recognize my number."

"Adriana good afternoon," relaxing a bit, "No I didn't, how are you?' He didn't say, but he was surprised she'd called him at all.

"I have a situation and I need your help.", sounding somewhat ominous.

"Adrianna what kind of situation? Is Kate OK?"

"She's...OK, but she's the reason for my call." Castle waited on the pause from the other end, "Can I ask you, and I hope this is not too personal. Did something happen to the Senator this weekend?"

Now he was the one pausing, not knowing where this was going, "Let's just say, it was a difficult weekend for both of us. We're continuing to deal with some pretty tough issues."

"Mr. Castle, let me back up and say this. Your private life is none of my business," then she hesitated, "Until it impacts the Senator's performance. I'm not trying to pry into any of personal territory."

Castle's concerns were growing, "I'm not sure I understand? Has something happened?"

"Yes and no."

"The Senator is unusually edgy. She seems to be having difficulty focusing on the tasks at hand." She paused and then added, "She does OK for a while, until there's a break or a change in what we're doing, and then she just unravels."

"Adrianna, I'm not sure how can I help?"

She launched forward, "Are you still planning to attend the fund-raiser on Thursday night?"

"I am, has that been changed?"

"No, no. There's no change in that, but would it be possible for you to come sooner?"

"I was planning to arrive in the late afternoon on Thursday, in time to get ready for the dinner. I'll return to New York that evening."

"If it would help, I can move-up my schedule and get their earlier in the morning."

"That would be great, I'd really appreciate your help."

"Adriana, this is pretty cryptic, is there something else going on?"

"Mr. Castle, all I know is you that you seem to be the only one who can handle these sorts of problems. I look forward to seeing you in the morning, and again thank you." She ended call.

He leaned back in his chair, laced his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. He groaned and realized just how complicated and intertwined their lives were. Not just as husband and wife, but as parents of their three kids, plus her pursuit of the Senate seat. It felt there were things he needed to do, things to put distance between them. That was the point of their discussion this weekend, but circumstances seemed to be working against him.

He thought about his often use quote, that in his life, "his dreams came true." Now he was seeing the the universe in a less friendly light. From his current perspective, the economy of the universe was billing him for his past good life. The price was the dark side, where instead of dreams, he was living out nightmares.

In this new life, his dreams were ruined. Their end was an emotional conclusion, the closing of the door on the intimate-soul-clinging relationship he had with her. He didn't have any idea how it would be worked out on a day-to-day basis. They were going to see each other more and more, not less and less, especially as the election demands increased. In the summer months, the kids were out of school and could travel with them, and they'd keep him busy, at least distract him. But the problem was still there, still festering.

Nothing had changed in his heart, the Botox like injection of her affair had left him numb. At times, he felt almost like a zombie. Yes, he loved his kids and loved being with them, but there was always the dead zone in his heart, and the one source of re-occurring pain, was her. He would see her, and then realize that this was the new version of the woman he loved. And the realization was always followed by a stabbing reality of how much he missed the old Kate.

**XXX**

On Thursday morning he arrived at the Senate office around 10 am. He saw Adrianna in the hallway, she greeted him with a warm smile, " She's working with the some staff in her office, I think the doors open, go on in."

As he walked in, Kate looked up, " Hey Castle you're early, what's up?"

"I thought, if you wouldn't mind, I'll just hunker down and do some editing, Paula's been having a fits." He pointed at his desk in the corner, and held up a hand indicating, like that's a surprise Paula's not happy.

She smiled warmly at him, "Of course, you're welcome to work there. I'll be with you in a little while."

Her work took her longer than she had intended. He heard a staffer say that the plan should work and then heard people leaving. He looked up, saw a new face. A middle-aged guy, looked over at Castle and gently nodded as he left the office.

Kate sat down next to his desk, " So Castle, who called?"

He could not help but smile, she'd caught him off guard. He did his best to not show he'd been busted. So he thought he'd try a lie on her, "What do you mean?"

Now she repressed a laugh and lowered her voice, " You are the worst liar on the planet! Do you know that?"

He started laughing and choked. As he reached for his glass of water, Adrianna walked in. She saw her Senator and husband sharing a moment of laughter and him sputtering away, she gave him an ear to ear smile.

He turned back to Kate, who had stopped laughing and returned to her earlier question, "Who Castle?"

"Senator, maybe we can discuss this later?" Continuing to feign his innocence but talking slightly louder than necessary.

She leaned and said softly, "We will," and then returned to her desk.

Castle headed out for coffee and promptly ran in to Adrianna who again smiled and said, "Thank you."

Looking like an innocent bystander, "What, I just edited transcripts," and added, "Really she was busy and so was I."

Adrianna could not hold back the smile, "You surprise me Mr. Castle! You don't get it, do you?"

He protested, "What?" but before she could respond her phone rang, she promptly turned and headed down the hall, waving good-bye over her shoulder.

**XXX**

As they dressed for the evening dinner, Kate helped him with his tie. While doing so she said, "OK Castle, who called you?"

This would be his last attempt and protest, "Why do you think someone called me Kate?"

"You're not going to give them up are you?" She asked, but with very little conviction.

He just smiled, and she added, "Who or whomever, it doesn't matter. Thank you." And then returned to the apartments bedroom to finish dressing.

**XXX**

The dinner, as the previous ones, was a success. It was clear to Castle that the donor's were impressed with Kate. He liked her short pitch and explanation on important issues that she would support and press for passage as bills.

As the evening wound down, she again addressed the group, with her closing comments. But this time she had Castle on her arm, "I want to thank each of you for taking the time to spend this evening with us. I need your support in order to succeed in the November election. I hope, I can count on you. Thank you."

Adrianna watched as the stunningly beautiful Senator addressed this import group of supporters of her former boss Senator Mills. Yes, they needed these patrons support and she guessed they would be able to count on most of them. But she was most pleased at the personal interaction that had taken place with each guest, and as usual their groups delight in meeting both the Senator and her husband.

What struck her most about the evening, was that in her final remarks, and request for support, the Senator had chosen not to use the, 'power-stance', feet placed slightly wider than necessary as she addressed the group. But instead she had taken her husbands left arm with booth hands and spoke with both grace and ease. Another great night.

**XXX**

The Senators driver, Ray headed through the traffic toward the airport. Fortunately it was lighter at 10:30 in the evening. The plane was waiting for Castle, he needed to get back.

"I thought things went well tonight, they're always happy to meet a famous author," she said.

"Actually it's not the author they wanted to see, and you know that." He retorted.

"I know that they always seem to clamor around you. So how many 'selfies' were you in tonight?" She laughed.

"Too many!" and even he laughed thinking about few of the encounters from the evening with cell phones and added, "Do I get paid for doing selfies with your supporters?"

"I can only say thanks," and she patted his arm.

"And as always, my reluctant Lamidvavnick, you're welcome!"

"Please Castle, not that! Someone gonna hear that and think your crazy."

"Hey, the truth is truth, and it won't be first time someone thinks I'm crazy."


	16. Chapter 16

**Washington DC**

**July 2025**

**Chapter 16**

The general election was only four months away. In politics it was a kind of no man's land, much could happen or nothing could happen. The landscape was always changing.

For the election of Senator Beckett things were going good. She was still considered a novice. She'd never run for office in her life, but was now in a close race for the Senate seat of her predecessor Amanda Mills.

The campaigning was going well because the populace loved a new faces, especially a beautiful and smart new face. She had lived a life most people had never imagined. She didn't wear rose-colored glasses, in fact she still missed her Glock.

The mess in February had almost dissipated. The main source for keeping it on the publics mind was her opponent. He seemed unable to stop himself from bringing it up. But it had worked against him and his support started to slip. Four months might not be enough for him to recovery. His pollsters had the data and his whining on the issue suddenly dried up.

But then outside events brought it all back into the headlines. Chris Lopez had been arrested, and for a few news cycles, the hot story was about the Senator and him. Lopez had reported his wallet stolen while he worked out at a DC gym. Before he returned to his apartment the thief had rented a Ford Mustang using Lopez's license and credit card. After a short-lived joy ride, the car ended up wrapped around a telephone pole.

Apparently whoever was driving was not injured enough to prevent him from leaving the scene of the accident. When the car was found, the police contacted the rental agency and arrested Lopez for leaving the scene of an accident. It took nearly 24 hours for the police to locate the alleged call where he reported the theft of the wallet. He was released to a horde of cameras, who had received an anonymous tip. When he was interviewed about the car accident, questions quickly shifted to his life since leaving Senator Beckett's staff and any comments might have on her election. He abruptly turned and slipped away.

However before his escape, the auto rental agency, served Mr. Lopez with a law suit, that had been filed at 4:59 PM the same day. The service of the papers took place in front of the camera's as he left the jail area. The dealership was suing him personally for the destroyed Mustang.

All this briefly pulled Beckett back into the headlines. For her it was like a scab being ripped-off. She reeled while reliving the scandal. Her poll numbers dropped briefly from the resurgence of the story.

Fortunately for her, the story lacked any bounce. This came down to a single factor, Richard Castle.

Castle had spent a great deal of time on the campaign trail with his wife. The beautiful Senator and her famous writer-husband were a double-draw at any campaign stop. Adrianna Jones saw Castle as her 'secret weapon.' If she had her way, he would never be anywhere but with her candidate.

His presence took the sting out of the old story. Instead of the rejected angry mate, here was the husband at her side, not subdued but engaged. He was enjoying the interaction with the voters on behalf of his wife. The mind-set was, they'd put it in the past, so why didn't the press let it go.

Her opponents number-crunchers knew and realized any attempts to make political hay from it would only end it disaster, for them.

But behind the public appearances the Senator was clearly reeling. The re-emergence had struck her like an emotional wrecking ball. For nearly five months she had been in sessions with Dr. Burke, weekly and sometimes even bi-weekly. Most had been by telephone, but she had given the sessions her full attention. She was very serious about repairing her broken marriage. She had only told Burke and Lanie Parrish that she cared more about fixing the marriage than being elected. Burke would say nothing as her doctor. Lanie would keep silent because of her affection and friendship with Kate.

Beckett found herself holding back tears more than once. She also found herself holding on to Castle with a death grip. As they left the last event of the day he turned, "Beckett, if you hold my arm any tighter, they'll have to amputate."

She looked at him in horror, "Castle I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was hurting you."

"Kate, I was just teasing, but your grip is stronger than usual. You OK?"

"I'm fine Castle?" They both knew this was not so, but he didn't press her this time.

**XXX**

The morning after the rallies he'd decided to work at the Senate office so they could return to New York together, hopefully early in the afternoon.

As he was reading some emails he heard something being set on his desk. He saw, out of the corner of his eye, a deep blue mug, trimmed in gold, embossed with the words, _US Senate._

The aroma from the coffee was wonderful. Before he could lift up his head, a white pastry bag was sat next the coffee. He then looked up into the green pools staring down at him.

But he knew, before looking, who'd put the items the desk. It was a new ritual, one stolen from him.

"Beckett, you don't need to bring me coffee." But he smiled at her anyway.

She to smiled and returned to her desk to work.

He looked over and saw that she was trying to ignore him, just not very well.

He returned to his mail. After several minutes, and not a sound from her, he noticed she was holding an single sheet of paper, her expression had turned very serious.

"What are your reading Kate?" his curiosity pricked by her expression.

She looked slightly embarrassed, "Something your wrote, a long time ago."

"And what did I write?" grabbing his coffee and moving to her desk.

She was quiet as she looked at the paper in her hand. She then turned to him and spoke, but very quietly, "It's the eulogy for Roy Montgomery's' funeral...but you never had a chance to read it because..." she did even bother to speak the words of the sniper attack.

"What did I write, Kate?" He didn't want her to drift back to the shooting.

"It's a poem about, the bigger than life people we come in contact with, and when they're gone ...the hole it leaves. You say they take a part of us with them."

"I can't remember it Beckett, read some of it to me."

"It's short, I'll read it all."

"It doesn't have a title, just the lines." She began to softly read the words,

_The mighty men have gone to sea,_

_their ships across horizons flee. _

_I run the shore and cheer the sight,_

_one day I hope to take like flight._

_Their ships return from time to time,_

_with stories old and full of life,_

_the things at sea and distant shores,_

_are legends of the great folklore._

_In rooms of cheer and shining face,_

_dispensing tales of place to place._

_All those about in reverent awe,_

_in wonder at these words of law._

_Then face to face with only one, _

_provoking thoughts with humored wit,_

_the truth is passed from heart to heart,_

_and lessons schooled from start to start._

_Through mighty ones the fire is poured,_

_on urgent souls who must absorb._

_The men, the women, of towering might_

_poured from their lives, divine pure light. _

_But one by one the ships have sailed,_

_to shores so far, no one can tell._

_Along the shore I run to see,_

_for they have left and taken me._

When she was done, they sat in silence as they turned their focus to each other. She spoke first,

"I don't want to be on that shore, Castle." Her voice was urgent.

"Empty because the best things in my life have left me behind..."

"What do mean, Kate?"

"I don't want to be in your poem, empty and aching because..."

He said nothing, and waited for her.

"You're the mighty one in my life...I've hurt you, beyond hurt..."

"But I don't want to be just a memory..."

Once again, in life, the word sculptor was speechless, he had not expected this from her.

**XXX**

Their plane departed DC at 4:15 in the afternoon. After they had reached cruising altitude, she asked if he wanted something to drink from the small refrigerator.

He declined, "I 'm good," he paused, but held her gaze, "Let me ask you something."

"Ask away," she said without hesitation.

"Beckett, why are you doing this? Why are you bringing me coffee and pastries, offering me a drink?"

She looked out the window, seemingly unprepared for this question.

"Castle I like to bring you coffee. You always get that little-kid-look on your face, it makes me smile, it makes me happy."

"But why now? Why have you started pampering me?"

She looked up him, but didn't speak immediately, but then pressed on, "For months, I've been talking with Burke, trying to figure out why I do the things I do...the things I've done. We've been working through a lot...we've made progress but I've got some ways to go..."

She paused again and looked down at her hands folded in her lap. "When you told me in February, that 'we were done'..her voice hitching, "I haven't been able to accept that, I don't want that to happen.

"Like I said about your poem for Roy, Castle I don't want us to be done..."

He turned to face her, confirming his full attention.

"This last week when it all hit the fan again. I began to panic...I feared you'd move even further away from me."

"But as usual, you were right there, right beside me."

She was struggling and he wanted to lighten things some, "Beckett, you know I hate the press, I just want to go out and kick some..."

She raised her hand stopping him from continuing, "Thank you, Rick, thank you," was all she got out and then tears started to run down her face.

"Hey Kate..." He was moving into his, protect Beckett mode.

"Rick, you married a bitch...I'm so sorry for all the hurt I've caused you."

"I've run this over and over in my mind...and...you deserve someone so much better than me..."

She sniffled some and then added, "But I can't let go of you...I'm asking you to not leave...let me prove to you that I can be the woman you fell in love with."

And then, with a weak smile, "That's why I bring you coffee."

He was silent for a minute, trying to think of something funny to say, but, he had nothing.

Beckett spoke again, "You know Castle, every time I see you interacting with people..well not people...women at the rallies, it just, kinda sets me on edge...I know that's stupid...I just hate to see them throwing themselves at you."

Now Castle could not help but laugh, "Beckett you're nuts, I'm almost 56 years old...trust me...no one is after me."

She returned to the more serious discussion, "I'm asking you, please don't close the door and throw the key away, not yet."

"Beckett, I don't know...I can't answer that now."

"I think we need to focus on your election for the time being. I'm here through the duration of the race. Let's talk about the other things later."

She said nothing, but thought to herself, it wasn't a _no. _She could live with that, at least for now.

Castle looked out the window and considered her words, and her actions. In honesty he was a little embarrassed by his gut reaction. He liked the fact that the cop turned Senator was distracted by jealousy. A strange world, a strange one indeed.

**XXX **

The Castle clan was home for the week-end. Kate had arranged for a quick-lunch with Lanie Parrish. They'd picked a quiet, out-of-the-way place where they'd be left alone and could do some catching-up.

Kate brought Lanie up to date on the campaign and Castles pending book tour after the recent release of _Blind Heat_. In addition to fund-raising and campaigning, they were now going to fit in his book tour.

Lanie shook her head," How do you guys keep up with that kind of schedule?"

"We rely a lot, on my staff and some good lead time. Castle's been working with the publisher to limit conflicts with our campaign schedule so he can do the same cities simultaneously. Adrianna like hims along as much as possible."

"So how are things going with you and your husband?"

"OK...I don't know...not that well on his side."

She paused, "Since the Hampton's, back in February, he hasn't wavered from the 'were done' thing."

She looked up and shook her head, "The media blow-up, over my old aide, brought up too much history for me. Castle's never said a word about the coverage but he knew I was miserable. I couldn't eat for a couple of days and finally he cornered me and said, 'enough Kate' and forced me to start eating."

"What about the being done? Are you coming to grips with that?" Lanie asked steering her back to the subject.

"No! I'm not. I can't accept it. But honestly, it's not for me to decide is it?"

"I'm meeting with my doctor, its been hard with the campaign, but we've worked out a schedule. I talk to him by phone and see him when I can."

"Is that helping?"

"I see a lot of the same old issues"

Kate sighed again, "Do you ever get just sick of yourself Lanie?"

"Girl everyone does! It's not always easy to live with yourself," she paused and asked, "Does Castle know you're seeing the doctor?"

"For sure, he's always supported me there."

"What are not me telling Senator?'

Kate stirred at the salad, "Lanie, don't use the "S" word."

"To answer your question, I have his time. His help. His presence at many of my functions.."

She swung the conversation away from the last line, "Lanie, I don't know how he makes time to write..."

"But? Kate, I can hear it in your voice," Lanie persisted.

"But, I don't have his heart!" Beckett sighed and set down her fork, pushing away the plate.

"Don't be dumb! Can I call an 'S', dumb?"

"Call me anything you want, you're my best friend." Beckett added, "You've never held back before."

Lanie snickered, "Kate, the truth is, you've always had his heart!"

"I know Lanie, I know."

"Whoa Beckett, did you just say that? What happen to the real Kate?"

"Lanie, yeah I know...he placed his heart in my hands, in my care...and what did I do with that trust? Instead love and honor...I did him evil"

In a soft and sad voice, Lanie responded, "Yeah, you did."

Beckett's eyes brimmed with tears,"I want him back. Lanie I need him back. But he deserves better than me...I'm hoping a better me will do."

**XXX**

It was mid-August, Castle's book tour was to begin. He was home for a few days and had a chance for an evening of poker with his fellow writers.

He sat at the table with Connelly, Patterson and Sue Grafton, he'd lost a bundle, but no one was surprised. His card skills had taken a dive over the last six months. The card buds were getting tired of taking his money.

After the game, Connelly looked at Patterson, "You gonna talk to him?"

"Yeah, I'll take care of it." Patterson said glumly.

As the others said good-night, Patterson turned to Castle. "Rick, you have few minutes, I'd like to bounce a couple of things off you."

Castle was a still distracted but responded, "Sure, I've got time."

Patterson launched in, "Can I give you some advice?"

"Of course, shoot." Castle said warmly.

"I've learned in my writing career, that the great things about fans is just that, they're fans. You know, they're almost like family, very loyal and quick to forgive."

Castle smiled, "Loyal I get, but forgiving?"

Patterson looked away for a moment and spoke to the window, "I finished _Blind Heat,_ last week..."

Castle interrupted, "I didn't know you read my books."

"Rick I read everything I can, but you're on my reading short list."

"Thanks, I'm honored."

"You may want to save the thanks," he paused, "I have to be honest man, I didn't think _Blind Heat_ was your best work."

At first Castle was offended, but then he heard the voice in his head say, "_You can't fool the players._"

Instead he sat up a bit straighter and faced Patterson squarely, "Why do you say that?"

"It's a good story, Rick. It just doesn't have your normal rhythm, character interaction." He paused, "It just seemed, off for you and I'm not sure why."

"I know! It was all labor, and no love. It just wasn't any fun," Now Castle looked away.

He added," It scared me. I've always hated and loved the writing. But the love always wins out when the story comes together." Another longer pause, " But not this time."

Patterson gave him a weak smile, "I'm glad you know. I would have been worried otherwise."

"Why was it was so much work this time?" Patterson thought of the old lawyers line, 'never ask a question you don't know the answer to', he waited for the anticipated response.

Now Castle hung his head, "Beckett."

Patterson got the answer he expected, "You know, Cannell used to say some really funny things. He had some great one-liners. They seemed to hit the nail squarely on the head.

There was an observation he made about you, I'll never forget, it made me laugh." Patterson smiled as he reminisced.

"Tell me" Castle said, and added, "I sure miss that guy."

He'd say, "Castle's detective has that boy whipped!"

Castle was surprised at the story, " That's not what I expected." But tried a light chuckle anyway.

"Why Castle?"

"I don't know, it just surprises me...that it was that obvious."

Patterson laughed hard and Castle had to join in at the absurdity of his comment.

"Rick, you have a saying, I've heard you repeat many times, "The heart wants what the heart wants."

In a very sober tone Castle responded, "Yeah it does."

"I read the papers Rick. I know you two are working together, you're with each other a lot, but you seem to be...the worse for the wear."

"It's a bitter-sweet existence. I can't really explain it, but you're right, it's been very hard, very hard..."

Patterson thought it was time to switch gears, move to his second point,"Let me ask, how many weddings have you been to?"

"You mean, not counting my three?" Castle smiled weakly.

"Yeah, not counting those...how many?"

"I don't know...dozens"

"At those dozens, how many time have you heard the poem ..._love is patient, love is kind, love is..._, you know what I'm talking about."

"To many times to count, it's used a lot!" Castle seemed to relax and sit back again.

"You know the source, no doubt you've read the full list. I think, there are a dozen or so characteristics to love it talks about."

"Yeah, I know I've read it."

"I've thought about that definition...and I've come to this conclusion."

He looked up at Castle as he spoke, "Many people don't really love...they _like_, or fall between liking and loving."

"If it's not real love, but just a 'liking'. It works as long as they get what they're putting into the relationship...as long as it meets their expectations."

"Patterson, that pretty harsh, isn't it?"

"Maybe, but I think it's another one of our fictions in life..." Patterson turned and looked out into the night sky."

Rick continued, "But even love has rules...just like everything else."

"No, _like_ has rules..._love_ is different." Patterson's look was serious and unwavering.

"Why would you say that?"

"Think about it. The divorce rate is what, 50%? That's a big number. Much of what we call love...just doesn't stick."

"But if we're really talking about..._like_...and not _love_...it makes more sense."

"In our world _love _is the fiction...unfortunately, _like_, is the more often the reality."

"Patterson, why are you telling me this?"

"Castle, if loves covers everything. If it forgets all wrongs against it, never insists on its own way. If it bears all things, endures all things...etcetera, etcetera"

"How do we end up with half of everyone who's marries...getting a divorce?"

"We don't _love _Castle...we _like_, until someone steps out line."

"What's your point?" Castle was sounding slightly irritated.

"That if we love...and not just have a strong liking, then there's nothing our spouses could do that would stop us from loving them."

"This thing you're in...it's pushed your buttons. Its harmed your writing skills, its serious Rick" Patterson stopped there.

After a few moments he started again, "So Castle I've asked myself, if I were in your shoes...could I love...do I love my wife, enough to forgive her?"

"And I've wondered, is that sort of forgiveness really love? Or would it be just weakness?"

He pressed on, "Maybe another way of looking at it is this. Have you ever wondered about a person who marries and druggie or alcoholic? They put up with it...but somehow keep loving, even when the other person is stuck on self-destruct."

"Yeah, I have thought about that...and honestly, I don't get it." Castle voice was calmer now, more reflective.

Patterson added, "Those people seem to keep the flame of love alive...on maybe just the hope that the person they fell in love with will...win the war, that they'll come back."

"That's just a tough concept to get my head around." Castle plopped back at against the chair.

"Castle, you know, many people would just say, hey, throw her under the bus? But not the one that loves. Somehow they hope, when it all seems hopeless."

"Here's the question for me Rick, is it really love to throw someone out?" Neither man said anything for few moments.

In a pensive, quiet tone, Patterson added, "Rick I think both Cannell and you were right. She has your heart. And your heart wants her. The difficult problem, and I mean difficult Rick, is your head."

"I don't suppose you stopped loving her?"

Without hesitation he responded, "I will always love Kate, but..."

"No butts"...he interrupted. "If you _love_, and not just _like _her a lot...but really _love_ her," Patterson went silent again.

"Then what? What?"Castle said emphatically.

In a barely audible voice Patterson said, "Then you have to forgive her."

Castle did not respond. He sat quietly and considered the discussion. He figured he must be in bad shape. He and Patterson had never had such a talk. They were competitors. But here it was, he needed to think this through.

Years ago, he had been ready to risk every tomorrow, simply to be near her as she stood on a bomb, ticking down to oblivion. He could not bring himself to leave her alone in that time of need. He stayed beyond the time to ever escape, Together, they solved the pass word riddle and in the last seconds before the detonation stopped the bomb.

Had time in fact run out on them now? Had she forever changed the trajectory of their lives? Or could he stand the vigil again. Could he, could they find the password, together. And what would it be? A four letter word or a ten letter one? Were the words love and forgiveness simply variations on the same theme. A two-sided coin that he could pick up and save the day?

If he had been willing to die that day years ago, then there should be no choice for him now. If he had been willing, in the name of love, to leave his daughter alone and allow his mother to grieve over the loss of her only child. If he had been willing to risk it all, for Kate and for love, wasn't her best interest, his only interest?

So was it love, or lust, or a strong version of 'liking' that had driven him back. Had that changed? Was love a good enough reason to die to this betrayal? Was it the password for all their future days? Could he, by sheer will, type in the code and live? He didn't know if he was willing to risk all, yet again.

"How do I forgive? How do I do this thing?" He asked, his voice was ragged and desperate.

**XXX**

In early August the campaign trail led them to the port town of Oswego, situated on Lake Ontario. It was not a large city, slightly less than 20,000 people, but the campaign strategy was to visit as many communities as possible.

The meeting that night had the feel of most town-hall events. The crowd was delighted to have both the Senator and her husband on hand. The MC for the night, was a gentleman, in his mid-seventies, who seemed a little befuddled by the unexpectedly large turn-out. Which looked like, almost every voter in town. When he introduced the guests he said, "I am pleased to introduce Senator Heat and her husband Mr. Rook."

The response in the civic center was thunderous. Unfortunately the MC had no idea what he had said and when the crowd refused to calm down, the MC's wife moved to the microphone and did a second introduction of Senator Beckett and her husband Mr. Castle.

The Senator had been so surprised by the mistake that she had laughed until she was in tears. As she started her speech she began laughing again. The crowd went crazy, they were having more fun than anyone ever expected.

By the end of the evening, all in attendance had a political memory, like none before. The MC was cheered for his unwitting mistake and the great time that followed.

As the Castle's shook hands with the remaining locals, a happy faced woman greeted them, "Folks, I own a Bed & Breakfast here in town. I'd love to offer you a room for the evening." She paused for effect, "We can register you under Beckett, Castle, Heat or Rook."

After laughter died down again, Castle said they would be delighted, but he would have to pay for purpose of campaigning rules. The owner acquiesced. She had a friend who also ran B&B and their driver Ray, could stay just down street.

The room was lovely. A queen size bed, large reclining sofa, a bay window that faced Lake Ontario, but most import to Beckett. a large, eagle clawed tub.

Castle would take the sofa, she the bed. He started the tub for her, adding a generous amount of bubble bath. She was delighted.

He could hear her through the bathroom door, humming a tune. He had not seen her so happy in weeks, maybe even months. The light evening had been a relief from the normal campaign grind.

"Castle, can you come here for moment?"

He opened the door and could see just her head above the subs and her hands laying on the tub sides.

"What do need?"

She turned and looked at him, "Would Jamison Rook get in this tub with Nikki?"

He laughed at the question, the poor MC's faux-pas was still working. He could play along too, " Of course, but he wouldn't even need an invitation."

After a moment of silence, "Castle," her voice soft and husky, "Will you get in here with me?"

He looked at her for a moment and then she had turned her head back to face the opposite end of the tub. She held her breath, surprised at what she had just asked.

He said nothing, and then she heard him start to undress.

He slid behind her into the hot sudsy water and she scooted forward to allow him room. When he was situated, she leaned back against him. He exhaled softly, laying his left arm over her shoulder and across her chest, and then his right arm followed suit.

Beckett burrowed back against her husband, laying her head against his arm and shoulder. Neither said a word for what seemed forever. They luxuriated in each others touch and the soothing water.

After almost an hour in silence, they dried off and made their way to the bed.

There are many descriptions of the lead-up to sex. Most focus on the mental state of the couple. This union did not fit any of those categories. This was a union between a husband and wife too long apart. Damaged by the storms of life, filled with doubts and fears, but desperately wanting each other.

Castle woke while it was still dark. He felt the warmth and pressure of his wife against him, his arm laying across her stomach, pulling her in close. He knew she was awake. He shifted away and let her roll onto her back. There was enough light to see tears glistening on her cheeks. He leaned in and kissed them away.

"Kate, why are you crying?" he whispered.

She struggled to speak, " Rick, I have missed you so much...I thought I would die."

He leaned down and began peppering her forehead and then cheeks with kisses. She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him down, tightly against her.

**XXX**

Ray arrived at 9:00 am. as planned. He loaded their small overnight bags they always carried, in case of this type of lay over, into the back of the car.

As they drove off to the next stop, he noticed the Senator was not sitting on her side of the limousine. Instead she was leaning against Mr. Castle, resting her head on his shoulder. Ray smiled, he had waited months for them to be back to normal. Their personal turmoil had been painful to witness.


	17. Chapter 17

**Washington DC - New York City**

**August 2025**

**Chapter 17**

The purpose of an undercover operation is to reveal secrets, to flush out that what is hidden.

Nearly fifteen years ago Beckett and Castle had been involved in an undercover rescue. Ryan and Esposito had been taken captive, Beckett knew their location but could not gain access without signaling the perps and jeopardizing her partners lives.

In desperation Castle came up with a ploy to distract the man guarding the building where the men were being held. Beckett was to feign an intoxicated girlfriend. She was to hang on to Castle, laugh and act generally, smashed. When the guard was near enough, she was to take him down. No shooting, no subduing and cuffing, she needed be close enough to cold-cock him.

The stumbling drunk act was working well, but as she got ready to take her swing at the bulky guard, Castle had second thoughts. He pulled her in for a kiss, a deep intense kiss. Beckett was clearly surprised but then returned the gesture with her own arm-wrapping lip-locking assault on the writer. At just the right time she ended the moment of passion, let go of her writer/partner and knocked the guard out in one fell-swoop.

That night, the secret of where 'the boys were held' was solved. Her men were set free with limited injuries, the greatest being their egos. But it had been close and everyone knew it.

Beckett and Castle did not get away. For 'the kiss', that undercover ploy, had revealed secrets neither of the partners really acknowledged, or faced until that moment. The fact was, this was much more than a partnership, and though the truth had been hid, it was out of the bag, and like the genie, could not be returned to the bottle. However, in typical modus operandi they did as they'd always had done, they refused to face the facts or even to talk about. Instead, they walked around the elephant in the room and just pretended, it wasn't there.

Oswego was like 'the kiss', and once the couple returned to DC, they simply pretended it hadn't happen. At least with each other.

**XXX**

At the beginning of August Castle started the book tours, his first was at at Books & Melodies in Syracuse. He was scheduled for a 10 am reading and then book signing until noon. After the lunch break, he'd do a second reading, then meet the fans and sign books until 3pm, or the last fan.

Beckett's schedule was equally busy for her day in Syracuse. First was a hospital visit, then a brunch, which was followed by a meet and greet. Next was a coffee house meeting and then a speech to the local Kiwanis. She and Castle had a dinner event for the evening.

During the lunch break Castle called to check in on Alexis. She didn't answer her cell phone so he called the house, her husband Jake answered.

"Jake, how are you?" Castled greeted him, happy to hear his voice.

"Rick I'm good, what city are you in today?"

"Syracuse. I've got book signings and Beckett has a number of campaign stops."

" Man, you two have to be worn out."

"If you only knew, I'd love to be home in my own bed."

"I bet."

"Hey, I was trying to run down Alexis, is she around."

"She's off doing some grocery shopping I think."

"So, how is my eldest daughter these days?" Castle asked with cheer.

Jake did not respond at first, but Castle heard him inhale.

"So Jake, I guess that's?"

"She's OK, she's just had a rough go. July really did her in." Sounding glum.

"What do mean, has she been sick?"

"I meant the press blow over, the aide thing, again."

Now Castle was the one sounding glum, " Oh, that."

"Rick, Alexis has a glass jaw when it comes to the two of you." Jake paused again.

"Why do you say that?" Castle was honestly confused by the statement.

"She was really weepy for days after that. I asked her what was wrong, and she said 'my parents' are killing me."

"I naïvely said, your Mother was in LA, so how could she be killing you?"

"She looked at me like I was, clueless. Which is unusual for Alexis."

She said, "Not my Mom, I'm talking about Kate and Dad."

No longer confused, Castle was stung by the statement. He'd never heard Alexis refer to he and Kate and _her parents. _He felt guilty that he and Kate's problems, the two people Alexis called parents, were so screwed up. He knew he hadn't done anything wrong, but he was half of the pair that Alexis saw or felt were in that special role.

"Rick you there?"Jake was growing concerned with the long silence on the other end of the call.

"Yeah I'm here, just a bit taken back by what you said."

"Honestly, she's doing better, it just sorta comes and goes."

"I wish I could help," Castle said, now feeling a million miles away, instead of only the 245 miles that separated the two cities.

"When you get back, take her to coffee or lunch, that would help."

"I'll be home Thursday night, why don't you and Alexis come to dinner?"

"That I'll work."

"Listen Jake, thanks for taking care of my girl." He paused, "I mean it."

"It's sorta funny to hear you say that, because it doesn't feel like there's anything I can do."

Jake continued,"Rick before you go...can I tell you something."

"Sure, I have a few more minutes before I have to get back."

Jake had been thinking about an old story, one he learned as a kid. It had been running through his head, like on loop. But he was hesitant to bring it up, he didn't want to intrude. But Alexis was almost 'off the rails' over this again. He hated to see his wife so upset. So, he'd decided he would tell the story, short sweet. If there was something in it for his father-in-law, that was fine, if not, it would be soon forgotten conversation.

He began tentatively, "When I young and going to synagogue school, they told us a story about a guy, Hosea. He'd married a woman, she'd had some baggage. They'd had two kids. For her home life didn't work and she ran off. She liked the party life, but that ended, down and out, in debt and in the story she's sold as a slave. The guy goes and finds her, buys her at an auction and takes her back home. He tells her he still cares for her, surrounds her with love and after that she stays. She accepts his offer of forgiveness."

"It's religious, but it's more." Jake sounded apologetic.

"It's a tells about a common theme in life. People go off track, they can end up totally lost. But then someone loves them enough to search for them, to find them and bring them home."

Castle smiled as he listened. His son-in-law was always the professor, but not pushy, just gently instructing, offering his direction to possible answers.

"This guy is in a tough spot, he'll do whatever is needed. He'll turn his back on the her past, and love her, to make her whole again."

"You think that's what I should do with Beckett, Jake?"

"I have no idea what you should do."

"All I know is , the story has been stuck in my head, like a song you can't stop singing."

"Jake, I don't know what's next." Castle paused for a beat. "Tell Alexis I'm good and we'll see each other when I get back."

Castle heard, Alexis call out, "Jake, I'm back"

"Hey Rick hold on, she just walked in."

He could not understand the conversation, he heard some laughter, but it took his daughter about 30 seconds to get to the phone.

"Hey, Dad how are you?" She was speaking like she was out of breath.

"Actually, that's why I was calling Alexis, I wanted to see how you're doing."

"Dad, I'm doing really..." she stopped mid-sentence.

"Hey Pumpkin you OK?".

"Dad, I'm wonderful, just wonderful."

"You sound like you're crying." Castle said with concern in his voice.

"Daddy, I'm wonderful, because," again a long pause, "Jake and I are going to have baby."

Castle could not speak, he had no idea where he was for that moment, his heart leaped, he and Kate were going to be grandparents.

"Sweetie," with a thick voice, " I am so happy, so happy for you two."

"Me to Dad, me too."

He held the phone to his ear for a few seconds before he realized the call had ended. As he looked up, he felt slightly dizzy. What he was feeling was an emotional shift, it had happened to him before. The day Alexis was born, was so far from ordinary, he felt like his heart skipped into warp drive, the stars screamed by, and then, a wonderful still calm.

That shifting event had only happened a few other times. Two involved Kate, and then when Anna was born. It meant each time, that everything about his life, was changing.

Today, life had dealt him another card. The news of a grandchild. His child giving life to another. He staggered under the news. He wished Kate was here, he wanted to tell her, wanted to celebrate, this new and wonderful phase of life.

There was another shift in all this. For weeks he'd questioned if he could forgive, if he could forget. The whole time Patterson's words where still echoing in his head. But now, somehow it seemed already done. His heart had moved past considering forgiveness to extending forgiveness, the deal was done. In his mind he and Kate were together with time moving on to the kids and now a grandchild.

This was not an epiphany, just the turning of a corner. He and Kate needed to get beyond the last six months. In their years together they'd solved a number of life threatening situations. He knew the same wit and diligence, the same effort would save get them through, together.

**XXX**

The afternoon session kept him busy signing books and chatting with fans. Castle was running out of gas. He looked at his watch, before turning to the next fan, it was 2:51, he was almost there.

The fan handed him the book and said, " Kate, make it out to Kate."

He looked up into sunglasses and floppy hat. She fooled the other patrons, which was her plan, she didn't want to be a Senatorial candidate for at least a few minutes. He then noticed Ray not far away, thumbing through a book, but not actually looking at the pages. He was keeping guard over his boss.

He wanted to jump up and hug her, tell her the news, but he just beamed at her. This wasn't the place. She looked at him and smiled back at his warm reception.

He pressed, "Well, Kate, how long have you been a fan?" Giving her his best cheesy smile for the other in line.

"Mr. Castle I've been a fan for decades." She couldn't help but return the smile. She hadn't seen him this happy at a book signing in a long time.

"And is there something special you'd like me to say, to write for you today?" Still wearing his ear to ear smile.

"No, just to Kate, and whatever you think is appropriate."

"Let me see if I can come up with something, _extraordinary_, for such a long-time fan," and he began to write.

As he made the notation in the book, she looked around at the crowd. Her husband was a very popular man, and today, apparently a pretty happy one.

When she looked back down, he handed her the book.

"Kate, hope you enjoy the book, and..."

"Yes Mr. Castle?"

He stood and walked around table, reached out and pulled her in for a long embrace. Those in line just stared at the spectacle. It was so private, some seemed embarrassed and turned their attention away, giving the couple the moment. Kate was startled at first, but then relaxed in his arms.

He kissed the side of her temple and whispered, "Thank you, Kate! Thank you for taking the time to do this."

Now softly so only he could hear, "Always, Rick, always." She turned with book in hand and Ray escorted her to the waiting limo.

**XXX**

The days were a blur. It was, Tuesday, no Wednesday and campaign/book tour was back in DC. Normally they would have remained in New York and just returned to City. But there was more to do, more planning, more poll assessments and the pending Labor Day week-end kickoff for the campaign.

In politics a candidate was always running and raising money, it was know as R&R. But during the election year, it was ten times as intense. This was a first for Senator Beckett and the idea of the 'sprint' from Labor Day to Election Day was daunting.

Between meetings, she'd scheduled some down time, so she could call and discuss things with Dr. Burke.

In the privacy of a small back office, she made the call.

"So how are you Kate?", the doctor asked with the usual 'shrink' intonation.

"OK." He tone was flat, contradicting the assurance she wanted to give.

"Hmm, that didn't sound OK?" He responded was his probing tone.

"How about, ugh?" She replied, slightly harsher sounding than she intended.

"Let's start over Kate. Tell me how you're doing"

"Not great, and more confused than ever."

"Why? You seemed to have been making progress, did something change?"

"Yes, sorta." But her voice trailed off as she answered.

The doctor elected to wait on her. He needed her to tell him what was wrong, in her own way, her own words. He didn't want to lead the conversation.

She then continued, "We were in Oswego, about a week ago. We ended up having to spend the night. Everything was normal, nothing unusual, and..."

"And what Kate? What happen?"

"I think I seduced him."

"What do you mean, you think you seduced?

"You know, enticed...I invited him into the bath tub with me...he accepted, and..."

"Kate that doesn't sound like seduction. It sounds more like consent."

"I don't mean seduction in the normal way. Doctor, I've been so lonely without him...him near.. you know, holding me...sleeping with me...loving me."

"Did he resist?"

"No, no...it was a wonderful evening. I knew I missed him. I just hadn't realized how much I missed...his touch...his embrace."

"And that...that was confusing?" The doctor probed.

"Doctor, I've told him I want him back. I don't want it to end, but he's resisted, until Oswego."

"Today I dropped by his book tour, he smiled, signed a book for me and them walked around the table and gave me a hug. I didn't know what to do."

"I've been trying to show...just how important he is to me "

"I wanted to give him room, but I... but we don't seem to be able to control the pace.."

"I...want him to see my restraint, my patience...and then I pull him into the tub..."

"I feel like it's the old selfish me, wanting what I want...doing whatever it takes..."

"And, the sleeping together?" He didn't finish his thought.

"The sleeping together...make me thinks it's just the old me...getting my way..."

"Kate have you talked to him about the night?"

"No! We got up the next day and returned to the campaign trail. I just hung onto him until we got to the next stop, he held me close and…"

"And then what?"

"We got out of the car."

"It was like it broke the spell. We returned to our job and haven't discussed it since," her voice now weary and sad.

"What do want do about this?"

"Doctor, I just want him back. I'm tired of waiting, I need him."

"Kate, talk to him, it sounds like he ready."

**XXX**

Castle would return to New York on Thursday. Beckett would work until Friday evening and then fly home.

As he was getting ready to head for the airport she asked him if he had a couple of minutes. He turned and faced her.

"Rick, I need to talk you before you go."

"Sure, here or your office?"

"Neither, lets go to the back office," she turned and headed down the hall.

Once the door was closed, she turned and looked intently at him, "I want you to know that, that I meant what everything I told you in Oswego..."

"I've missed you so much..." She let her head fall forward and the tears began.

She shook her head at the early onset of those tears, "I'm sorry, I didn't ask you back her so you could watch me cry."

"Kate, you don't ever have to apologize for your tears."

"Let me try again...I meant those things...I've felt like...like I could die without you near."

"Kate, I've been near. We've been together, almost non-stop for the last three months."

"Not that kind of near Rick...I mean as my husband...my lover...near. In your arms, sleeping next to you...finding your arms wrapped around me in the middle of the night...that kind of near."

"I understand...that, but Kate know this, I never doubted your words in Oswego. Why would you think I did?"

"I don't know, you haven't brought it up since then."

"Rick, I want us back. I was back together, now and not some time down the road "

"Kate I've been thinking about us too, a lot."

She interrupted, "Rick, I need to tell you , how sorry I am...about everything."

"No! You don't." His tone firm.

"I've never doubted your regrets, your sorrow. I've seen it in your eyes, the sadness makes me ache."

"I see it in the way you walk, the way your shoulders slump like you're carrying the weight of the world." His tone was now sad as he reflected, explained her suffering through his eyes.

"Kate, I refuse to let the past destroy us. To take our todays and all our tomorrows."

Rick, it's not that easy, I need to make this up to you...I need to...".

"Beckett, hush! You don't, it's over, its done."

"Let me carry that stuff, let me cover the past. Let's get on with life, with us."

"Rick, that's not fair. There's no justice for you in that..."

"Kate, someone told me 'you don't want justice.' What we want in life, most of all, is mercy. We talk about justice, but what we need is mercy. We want our crimes, our sins, our darkness forgiven, whatever you call it. We just want it gone, forgotten."

"Kate, I love you, and I can get over, or around anything, with you by my side."

"Rick..."

Again he interrupted her, "Listen to me, tomorrow when you come home, I want you to walk off that plane and into my arms. The past is the past, let it go."

She looked down at the floor, lost in thought. He stood, walked over to her, took her hands and pulled her up into his arms.

After a minute of silence. Just holding each other, he stepped back, placing his hands on her shoulder and looked into her face, she was all tears.

"Beckett, why so much crying?"

Through a thick voice, "It seems to be my only the way I of expressing myself lately."

He smiled, started kissing the tears away. She laughed.

The door to the office swung open, Adrianna stuck her head in and was surprised at the scene before her. Richard Castle was holding the Senator, he was kissing the side of her head. At the sound of the door he pulled his head back and she could she see the tears on the Senators cheeks. "You guys have five minutes."

Adrianna walked down the hall, beaming. She had not seen that look on the Senators face in months. Yeah she was crying, but they were clearly tears of joy.

Beckett wrapped her arms around his neck. She rocked back and forth, kissing at his chin and ear, "We have go," she whispered to him.

"One minute, I have something to ask you?" He feigned seriousness.

"What is it, Rick?" Mirroring his change in mood.

"Do you prefer, _Baka_ or _Babicka?_

Her face broke in to a wide smile, "No way! no way!"

"Yeah way! Is that great or what?" His smiled now wide again.

"Oh Castle, I'm so happy."

**XXX**

Castle looked out the window as his plane jetted to New York. He didn't know his heart could feel so warm. He felt himself in the calm again. The flashing stars behind, he felt he could breath for the first time in months.

His thoughts went back to Patterson's words, again. He didn't just _like_ Katherine Beckett, he _loved_ her. He wanted his love to be a genuine love, to do what most doubted love even could do, cover everything and make the broken whole again.

He was already a statistic, he had been divorced twice. But he knew if he had met Kate Beckett sooner, she'd of been his one and done. It just took awhile to find her, he would not and could not let her go now.

Jake had told him the Hosea story. He'd read it that evening. He didn't have to go find his wife, didn't have to buy her back. Just open his heart again, open his arms and bring her back home.

Oswego had a lesson for him, He'd thought he had lost his need for her. The desire to hold her and to kiss her. But that was not so. Her embrace, her arms, her hands were like none others. He could no longer deny his his need for her.

**XXX**

On Friday evening the plane landed at 6pm. Beckett looked out the window, her clan stood near the SUV waiting for her to disembark. Little Lanie was in Castle's arms, AJ and Anna clung to him, shielding their ears from the roar of the engines.

She walked down the short step-ladder, across the tarmac and straight into Castle's free arm. She kissed him on the chin and pulled her children close.

She was home, safe again, at last.

**THE END**

* * *

**AN: ** This concludes my story spun from _Time Will Tell_, and the mutterings of the time traveler, Simon Doyle.

Thanks for the many comments and reviews. Thanks for taken the to read my story. It's been great fun, hope you've enjoyed it.

A special thanks to ABC, Andrew Marlowe and everyone at _Castle. _It's been fun to play in their world during the summer break.


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